In Loving Memory of JB
by VampricFaeryGirl
Summary: Leaving Forks would be tricky enough if it weren't Bella's and Stephanie's first move as vampires, but Forks is their home. How will they leave? Who will they leave behind? Sequel to 'In Loving Memory of I.S.'
1. A Good Start

"**Love, you know, is a funny thing; But the funniest thing about it - is you can never tell if its love - until you start to doubt it." -- unknown.  
**

* * *

"Bella," Edward murmured. I looked at him and followed his gaze; I couldn't bear the sight.

"Oh, no," I said. Why this? Why now? When was the happy ending coming? Or had I missed it? I looked at Edward again, and he was completely solemn. I hoped that wasn't the expression he wore at the Bella Swan funeral way back when, because this was torture.

We had been through so much! Why did the Volturi always have to mess things up? It was getting ridiculous. No, that wasn't an appropriate word. I looked at the sight again, feeling my unbeating heart crushed.

"Edward," I said. His eyes slowly turned to me. "He's not...dead...is he?"

He shook his head. "But he will be."

"We can't save him?" I was frozen with fear. _This can't be happening_, _this_ can't _be happening_!

"Not so long as he's human," Edward answered.

I looked back again. There was Jared, bleeding and dying, with Stephanie sobbing tearlessly over him. She didn't want to make this decision; how could she? Someone had made that choice for her, and she hadn't appreciated have no choice. She didn't want to turn Jared. But it was the only way to save him. Would she take away his choice so she could save his life? I could see very clearly in her eyes what she wanted, and I could see it, even as the hope slowly faded from him, Jared's eyes showed that he was going with whatever Stephanie decided. And she had made her decision.

* * *

**Chapter 1: A Good Start**

It had been ten years since I came back to Forks. It was very strange how life passed quickly when you had no time limit. Stranger still, was that nothing seemed to change. I was still Stephanie, and I still reacted to things exactly as I had years before. Except, obviously, I was living in a houseful of vampires—myself included in that particular grouping.

But things were going to change now, and Bella and I were nervous as hell. How were we expected to pull this off? We were a couple of newbies in this vampire business. Bella and I had changed schools before, changed cities, but we had to hide who we were now. This time, the move was going to be our new lives.

I wasn't so sure leaving Forks would be all that simple. I wasn't in charge of all the transferring and moving stuff, but I still had to do the actually move thing. Bella was worried about the same thing. How will I fit in? And we didn't mean making friends, obviously we had our family, and that was good enough for the both of us. But how were we going to handle this? Should we just act natural? Or would we copy what the Cullen-Hale way of doing things. Staring off in any odd direction, get some food, throw it out later, and never talk to anyone? That seemed strange to me. I mean, really, throwing food out is a waste of precious human resources. (Oh, and staring in odd directions and never talking to anyone is weird too, just not as weird.)

But, besides the weirdness, that was not my biggest problem. My biggest problem could be summarized in one word: Jared. (Word, name...same thing.) He wasn't about to let me leave and, frankly, I didn't want to leave him.

Oh, and speaking of weirdness, I could get used to the not-aging thing for me, (because I was a vampire,) but seeing Jared not age was funny. I could almost laugh that he had to run around in his wolf form to keep young, and all I had to do was endure three days of pain and the ruining of my mortal life. Why couldn't I have had it that easy? Sure, I would be a lot more hairy than I would like, but I could set up a normal life in one location. Oh, and I wouldn't have to meet Jared's parents and his friends off the reservation. (I wasn't aloud there because...I think I've said it enough.)

Speaking of meeting parents, Leah was crazy. Oh she had warmed up to me, but it took a few times of her yelling at me and a few times of her glaring at me to get passed the 'you're a leech' stage. Jacob was the awkward one to be around. At least with Leah I could glare back—or just smile, that bugged her more. Jacob I didn't know how to approach.

First of all, he had been in love with Bella Swan. Other than the fact I looked a little bit like her, happened to be her half-sister, and had kissed Edward on more than one occasion, Bella was now Bella Cullen. So, I didn't doubt that he was slightly bitter to have lost, or at least found it very hard to think that his son had lived the exact same life he had, only Jared had—more or less—won. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but not once did I use my special memory-reading power to figure it out. I tried to respect people's privacy.

Second, Jacob was probably expecting me to break Jared's heart at one point or another. If it wasn't enough that Jared and I fought constantly over stupid little things, the fact that I was planning on leaving in one week would be enough to prove that point.

I had won Leah over though. She hated that I was a vampire, but she loved that I could scarf down her burnt food without complaining. (I had to vomit it all up later—very uncomfortable—but, bottom line, she didn't hate me anymore. That was more important.) Jared and Jacob would stare at me a little wide-eyed and curious. I would smile politely, saying that it tasted all right. Jared would then put a damper on things, saying that I really didn't have a good idea of what tasted good since I hadn't had human taste buds in ten years. I would scowl; he would laugh.

Our usual spot to meet was anywhere. I only met with Leah and Jacob four times in ten years. Once was Leah yelling and Jacob being scarily calm and quiet. The second time was scowls, glares and a few shouts from Leah with a few words from Jacob. The third time was when Leah decided to pack a lunch for the three of them offered me some, as an attempt to thwart me and further prove that I overall suck. (Ha. Isn't that a pun?) I swallowed the food and she didn't yell at me at all during our fourth meeting. She didn't even glare. In fact, the only one she glared at was Jacob. She attempted to smile at me. Jacob said a few more words to me, mostly small-talk, but I appreciated it anyway.

After every one of those meetings, Jared would say "That wasn't so bad," as if that made everything better. I would smile, despite my mind being a thousand miles away, trying to decipher Leah and Jacob. Nothing I said made them fully trust me. There was nothing I could do.

Now, if I told them that Alice was certain that I was going to change Jared into a vampire one day, they would flip. Actually, Jared might freak out a little too. He had seen me change, and he had listened to us scream in pain—the word 'reluctant' would be an understatement to how he would feel about it.

But tonight was a night of change. Tonight would be the twilight, and soon would be the dawn. I was going to end all that I had set up here; I was going to begin again very soon. But first, before every new beginning, there must be an ending.

I was grumpy the entire night. Rosalie tried to pry the reason for my grumpiness out of me, but even my vampire best friend couldn't calm me. I promised to explain it to her later. She heaved a sigh and left, obviously put out by my unwillingness. She even sent Emmett to cheer me up. It was hard not to smile with him around. I did succeed in not smiling though. I thanked him kindly for trying to cheer me, but I was refusing to be happy. He thought I was strange for wanting to be miserable. I shrugged and swiftly left the room, before he could say something that would make me laugh.

Jasper used his power on me. He went a little too strongly and I randomly broke out in laughter, and was heaving on the floor. He found that very amusing, of course. Emmett stumbled in to find my laughing like a mad woman on the floor. Soon, everybody was getting a kick out me. I realized after my laughing fit was over that Jasper had stopped influencing me halfway through, proving that I was mental.

With all my laughter out of me, I had to face Jared. I had to break the news to him. The morning light was coming in fast. I was going to hurt him, I knew it, but it had to be done. I wasn't going to take Edward's approach—I was going to be honest, tell Jared I would always love him, not do whatever I could to get away. I wasn't going to change Jared though—not now, at the very least. It would hurt Jacob and Leah to much, which would, in turn, hurt Jared.

Yay for breaking hearts while the dawn breaks.

After entertaining goofballs like Jasper, Emmett, and Alice, I puttered off to focus on how I was going to break the news to Jared. I was so focused on how I was going to speak my mind—in a nice, non-hurtful way—that I nearly walked straight into Edward. Thank God he had super-speed too.

"What's your hurry?" he asked.

"Oh, sorry," I answered dully. "Thinking seems to have a way of occupying my brain, which would have normally been operating my motor functions." He chuckled at that, but I didn't swoon. After ten years of pretending not to love someone, it's almost as if you really don't—almost. But that was fine, I just repeated 'I love him like a brother' over and over in my head.

"Where's Bella?" I asked. Talking about Bella or someone else—anything else besides him or me or us—was the only way I could keep myself from feeling awkward around him.

"Bella is with Esme," he answered—seeming totally not awkward or out of place, like how I felt whenever I was alone with him.

"Oh, right, the miniature hunting party," I recalled. "Usually she goes with you or Alice. I didn't even think that she would be out hunting when her two favourites were still here." Bella sometimes went with me, but Rosalie and Emmett stole me away more often than the others.

What I couldn't get over was how extraordinarily thirsty Bella always was. Even stranger was that she seemed to thirst for animal blood. There was only one time that I remembered that she had really craved human blood. She had let herself go without hunting for a while, and her eyes were black. She had half-lunged at a rather sweet smelling petite-sized girl who was taking a jog with a rather sour smelling friend along the road. I think they had been hitch-hiking, since they had backpacks and travel clothes. But Bella didn't attack, thanks to Edward, who was always on the ready, prepared to protect Bella from guilt and invisible enemies.

Speaking of invisible enemies...I had to go take care of one.

"Well, I have to be leaving," I said abruptly.

He cocked a brow. "Jared?"

I beamed at him. "How did you guess?"

He tapped his forehead and grinned. "I'm a mind-reader."

I feigned shock, putting my hand to my cheek and dropping my jaw. "No kidding? A real mind-reader. Golly."

My hand dropped to my neck, and I felt my jaw pull back up as my lips curled into a smile. Edward smiled too. We both lightly laughed. It felt good to not feel so strange around him. It was very rare to have these moments. The out-of-place feeling was gone when there was someone else with us, but, alone, together, there was that echo of what I had once wanted, and what he had once thought on.

"See you later, Edward," I said, removing the hand from my neck to wave my fingers at him. I took my sweet time to pass him, finding no need to super-speed away.

"Steph," he said suddenly, causing me to freeze, and slowly turn around. For a second I thought I imagined the longing tone to his voice, but then I realized I hadn't imagined it—I had misinterpreted.

He looked at me, making no move toward me. I stayed very still, not allowing myself to think anything. (Occasionally, I forgot that Edward couldn't read my mind.) I waited; he deliberated.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you don't have to come with us," he said. "If you want to stay here, then you should. You can join us any time, a hundred years from now if that's what you want."

I made a small 'o' shape with my mouth. The fact that he warned me not to take it the wrong way automatically informed me that he had put a lot of thought into whether or not he meant it _in that way_. Would he prefer if I stayed in Forks? If he did...too bad. I had stayed up all night thinking about it—not that I really had a choice about the whole 'staying up all night' thing.

I smiled at him, probably looking awkwardly seductive when I was going for kind and appreciative. "Thanks, Edward." I paused, trying yo re-organize my face to look less 'please hit on me' and more 'you are so nice'. "I'm coming with you guys."

There was a very small fraction of a pause between 'you' and 'guys' because I had intended on just saying 'with you,' but that sounded awkward in my head. I wanted him to clearly see that I wanted to go solely because the Cullens were my family. And he just happened to be included in that.

He smiled softly at me, and then we both parted, going off in our seperate ways, as we always did. Our conversations rarely lasted longer than a couple minutes.

I, again, took my sweet time walking. I didn't want to get to the waiting point too early. No weirder sight would there be than an extremely pale girl standing in the middle of the road. Okay, I would stand to the side of the road, but who hasn't seen a horror movie where the creepy mythological creature stands in the middle of the road, while the hero or heroine drives up, stops the car, and then BAM! the creature attacks...or plays charades? I didn't watch a lot of horror movies. I tended to forget what mythological creatures are supposed to do.

I got to the point, the invisible line that the treaty said vampires like myself couldn't cross. The sun was up; I waited. I'm not sure how long I waited there, but it was quite a bit longer than I had anticipated. With each minute, I wondered more about where he could be. A half hour passed from our usual meeting time, and I was feeling put-out. By an hour later, I was slightly aggrivated. An hour and a half later I was frustrated and resigned myself to killing Jared when he arrived. By the time the end of the second hour was over, I was beyond angry. I had big news, I was going to have to hurt him, and he was late!

On second thought, I was going to feel excellent about hurting him. Mhm. Yes, and he would deserve it. He was two hours late. Who sleeps in two hours late for something that happens at the same time everyday? (Oh. School. I had definitely done that a few times.) And why did he have to pick today? Because now I had to guilt-trip him and then tell him I was leaving. But, hey, maybe we could call it even? He was late and I was breaking my promise? He would agree that breaking the promise of not staying with him forever and him being late were equal, right?

No. That sounded stupid even to me. (Why was life so complicated for me?)

I heard a car coming up the road, and I recognized the sound of the engine. I grinned until he came up the hill, and then I saw him face, not really remorseful. I glared then. I crossed my arms tightly over my chest and debated silently over whether or not tapping my foot with impatience would be too much. I decided to fume mutely instead.

Jared braked and came to a stop in front of me. I continued to glare at him with he smiled apologetically at me. I was not getting in that car until he came out here and apologized with words—preferably in English, because I wasn't progressing any farther in my Quiluete or Italian yet. (And Alice was making me learn French, because she was convinced that we should move to France as some point. Why? I wasn't sure. I like French toast and French croissants and the Eiffel tower as much as the next girl, but I also like where I was.)

Jared rolled his eyes, grumbling quietly to himself, as if I couldn't hear him. He clearly said "Why does she have to overract so much?" and then he cursed a couple times as he opened the door and approached me.

"Two hours, Jared," I told him sternly. "And you think I'm _overreacting_?"

"Yes," he said simply.

I squealed a little under my breath. He was not making leaving any easier on me.

"Remember, some of us have to work for a living," he reminded me gently. "I got a call from Embry Call, who was out of town, but his wife needed the car fixed. He asked me to do it because Mrs. Call had a lot of stuff to do. She needed it done right away."

"You got a call from Call?" I said absent-mindedly. It was weird, I was already losing some of my anger. How did he do that? How could he drain my unhappiness as quickly as he could cause me unhappiness?

"I tried to do it for free, but she insisted that she would pay me," Jared continued. "So, I have a little more cash than I was expecting. I was thinking we could go to Port Angeles and see a movie. I know you don't really like movies a lot these days but..."

I shook my head. "Oh, no. Don't use me as an excuse not to go. I like movies. I just don't like movies that involve zombies, or fake looking werewolves or killer vampires." Jared laughed and rolled his eyes again. "I much prefer ponies and magical unicorns in movies," I added.

"Oh, good, because that describes the one I wanted to see perfectly."

"Really? I can't wait!" I cheered sarcastically.

"C'mon," he said, moving back toward his open car door. I joined him in the cab, accepting his lame excuse for an apology. He drove fast enough for a human, but it was always somewhat irritating that I couldn't just speed the car up a bit.

"But, in all seriousness, what are we going to see?" I asked.

"Well, I know how much you love the movie _Blood and Chocolate_, because you've made me watch it a few times"—she shot me an exasperated glance, reminding me of the many times I told him that he should be a cool werewolf like Vivian, despite her being a girl—"and they've made a remake."

"What!?" I gasped, all traces of anger gone. "That's so cool!"

He laughed shook his head, thinking my strange reaction unbelievable. Maybe he thought I was overreacting.

I sprang my arms around him and kissed his cheek. "You are the sweetest guy I have ever met! I can't believe you're taking us to see a movies you loath."

"I don't loath it," he corrected, trying to not lose control of the wheel because of my sudden lunge at him. "I just find it an odd interpretation of werewolves. And they almost seem to combine vamps and wolves together."

I shrugged. "I don't mind vamps and wolves being combined. It's the way it should be. We should have be friends, whether we drink blood or get furry when we're angry."

"I didn't mean _that_ kind of combine," he said. "I was totally don't mind being friends with a few blood-suckers." He smiled wistfully at me.

"And I'm not a cat person, so dogs are alright," I laughed playfully.

"See? That's it right there. When someone says 'I'm a dog person' they don't mean half dog half human. Can you imagine saying 'I'm a werewolf vampire'?" he questioned contemplatively.

"That's because you weren't using proper grammar," I told him. "And, by the way, I am a werewolf kind of vampire. Do you think I'm weird?"

"Absolutely."

I yanked my arms off him and sunk back into the seat. "You are no fun at all."

"What do you want me to say? I'm a vampire kind of werewolf? Is that the grammatically correct way of saying it?" He was exasperated and confused. That was not the right way to start a day.

"Say you love me, and then shut up until we reach the theatre," I suggested with a shrug. "It may just work."

"I love you Stephanie," he assured me. "But you're a pain in the ass sometimes."

I gawked at him, half laughing as he smirked at me. He started laughing when he caught my expression. I lightly whacked his arm. And that was the perfect way to start a day.

* * *

**This is a rather short beginning, but this is the sequel, and it will be much shorter. Hopefully what it lacks in size will be made up for in content. Please REVIEW and tell me what you think of this continuation.**


	2. Broken Promise

"_Jared, I think this is a sign," I said, still awe-struck.  
"A sign of what?" he asked.  
"Vampires and werewolves were meant to mix."  
_

* * *

**"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't the same anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman  
**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Broken Promise**

"I loved that! I was worried they would re-do it badly. But, nope. That was great."

"Well, I'm glad you liked it," Jared grumbled. "I hated that more than the first."

Normally, I would have laughed. But, this was hardly the time for laughter. I needed to keep him happy until I rocked his world with probably the worst news ever. I needed him happy, so I could break his heart.

I remained quiet, and I'm sure I was alerting him to the fact that a storm was coming, but he needed to be alert. Maybe it would hurt less if he was already panicking. Maybe I could make him go into shock, and then I would be gone by the time he put his head back together. Maybe he would realize once I was gone that he could live without me, at least for a little while.

Jared had been so good to me these passed ten years, and now I was going to be so mean to him. The again, that wouldn't make much of a difference from what he had seen in my personality. I wasn't exactly Miss Sunshine. I was a cold, blood-thirsty vampire. I averted sunshine frequently. So, really, he should expect that, right? Being mean?

That was no excuse though. Jared was my punching bag quite a lot, and he rarely complained—actually...when had he ever complained? He only complained about when I didn't spend enough time with him, and, frankly, I minded that too. I was the shouter, he was the listener. We had a simple relationship that looked passed the complexities of us being a separate species, more or less.

I could still remember our big arguements, and how one-sided they were. For example, the difficulty of getting close to him. That was hard for me. I could hear his blood rushing through his veins, each time hitting me as if I had been starved for months and his blood was the only possibility of saving my life. His beating heart beckoned me in so many ways, both by its kindness and its pump of fresh sustenance.  
It was unbearable when he got angry. He would try to keep himself under control, stay calm, but I could hear his rage bursting through every artery. I could almost taste the frustration as his replenished cells moved from his heart, spreading through his body, each carrying a dose of his anger. I felt several pulls to act. I wanted his blood, I wanted his rage—but I also wanted to make him feel better, to relax. I usually ended up fuelling his rage because my own frustration of what I was feeling got to me.

He always forgave me; I always forgave him—not that there was much to forgive. He never said anything that would hurt me. I brought up whatever I could, trying to guilt him or enrage him further. He didn't mention any past mistakes of mine or insult me or anything strange. He didn't even react when I called him mutt, mongrel, dog, or any other twist on his wolfish alternate form.

How he kept so calm, I'll never know. Years of practice, sure. But, being a werewolf, wasn't he supposed to be prone to a little rage? No. Somehow, he escaped all that. Me, on the other hand, had very little self-control. I fired away, not leaving any ounce of putrid hatred inside of me. I was completely clean by the time I finished hassling Jared. (Except for the guilt, of course.) So, it made me wonder, was Jared bottling his frustrations? At some point, would he burst? If he did, I was _really_ hoping that wasn't today.

I would totally understand, but...how was _I_ to react if that happened?

Leah had warned me, strictly told me that she would remove all my limbs and burn them, if I ever hurt Jared. It was a Tuesday, if I remember correctly.

Jared had arranged one of the be-nice get-together between his parents and me (with him there to keep the peace). Leah had made something fancy, something I had never come across in my human life. But I did smell cheese somewhere in there. Possibly bread...it was too burnt to tell. Whatever it was, she engulfed it quickly, claiming it was the best she ever made it. I had to agree that is was probably the least burnt thing I had seen her make. Jacob ate it without wincing at a strange unexpected flavor or choking on the oddly shaped blackened bits. Jared ate it without complaint, of course. He said he liked the none black parts. Apparently, in all truth, it was the best she had ever made it. (Also, apparently, she had made up the strange concoction herself, so it had no name yet.)

"While you two are busy," Leah said, beaming, enjoying the sounds of no choking. "Stephie and I are going for a walk."

Jared eyed his mother nervously. He had no concern for whether or not she would live, of course. He knew I could control my anger around her. I would be on my best behaviour. He only worried about whether or not _she_ would be.

"Don't look at me like that," Leah snapped. "Its just a walk."

He looked at me, his eyes questioning whether or not I wanted him to try and come up with some excuse. I smiled at him reassuringly.

"Why not?" I said. "I don't mind."

"Alright," Jared sighed. "But no funny business."

Jacob laughed. "That's a little too much to ask for, don't you think?"

Leah glowered at her husband, with no trace of affection at his fair joking. She turned to me and muttered "Come on," and then walked forward forcefully. I followed quietly behind. Quietly, because my footsteps were much lighter than hers.

She walked a fair distance, getting away from their hearing range. She stopped abruptly. She was faced away from where the boys were. She turned slowly, concentrating hard, listening for any hint that we may still be too close.

The small patch of grass where we had chosen to picnic on was out of range though, for them. I could hear them if I tried. Leah was satisfied with the distance, and her facad of calm faded into a deep set frown.

"I assume you brought me this far to discuss something important," I said calmly; I would give her no reason to think ill of me.

"Listen, leech," she growled. "I don't like you. I don't like the hold you have on my son. If I had a choice, I would remove you from his life, even if it meant breaking the treaty." She paused, allowing her words to sink in. "I know I can't hurt you though, because of Jared, because of this faulty imprint. I won't hurt you for no reason. That doesn't mean I'm going to be nice to you."

"I've noticed," I sighed. "Leah, please, I mean you no ill will! I love Jared; I won't hurt him."

"Intentionally," she corrected. "You won't hurt him intentionally. And I believe that much. I am convinced that much, but a leech is a leech; in love or just fooling around, still a leech."

I narrowed my eyes and tried to keep my voice calm. "I am not fooling around," I said. "I have said it a thousand times. I love Jared. I won't hurt him."

"Yes, but if you do, I will not pause to think about acting," she warned. "I will not kill you, because that would hurt Jared too much. However, I will make sure you can't do anything more to him. I will remove all your limbs, leech, and I will burn them so you can't fix yourself up afterwards. And then, I might just take out your tongue too, so you can't say anything to him ever again."

I wasn't sure what to say to her. I wanted to assure her that I wouldn't hurt him, but I also wanted to rip her throat out—maybe remove her tongue and burn it. I focused on keeping my cool. I didn't move. I nearly glared at her—nearly, but I didn't. I was too focused to let my face form any expression now. I was still as stone, a vampire's speciality.

"I suggest you don't say anything to Jared," she continued, as fierce and hot-tempered as ever. "If you do, I might not hesitate on that tongue removal. Jared is the only reason I haven't killed you yet. Don't test me, little vampire. I have a lot more experience than you do. Don't think that I wouldn't win if it came down to a fight."

My face reacted on its own, and so did my throat. I laughed, I smirked, and, at first, she looked more furious than before. I shook my head, as if scolding the foolish fantasy of a two-year-old. I froze, staring her directly in her dark eyes. I dropped my smile, just a touch, and she, too, froze.

"And whose side do you think he would take, Leah?" I asked coldly. I tilted my head to the side, smiling ever so slightly. "Do you think he would pick his oppressing mother over the girl he imprinted on?"

Leah's expression fell, and her fury turned to shock. She knew the answer.

"Don't test _me_, Leah," I warned, allowing a little warmth to creep into my voice. "I don't want to hurt you."

She looked drained, and the shock in her eyes was because of my last comment. She couldn't fathom that I didn't _want_ to hurt her.

"Trust me," I said. "Jared's best interests are the most important thing to me."

She deliberated. She didn't _want_ to trust me, she didn't _want_ to like me. I had certainly blown any hope of her being kind to me with my mocking, but she was debating if I really did have his best interest at heart. Was it really so hard to realize that we didn't _need_ to be enemies?

"Let's head back," I suggested. "They're probably wondering if we plan on coming back."

She nodded her head. She was undecided, but I was pleased to see how clear it was which side had the greatest defense. Score one me; so now, I was winning over Leah.

When we got back, Jared took one look at his mother, confused and drained, and then me, triumphant and subtly celebrating, and knew something had gone down.

That was one of my least pleasant talks with Leah, but it was also my only private one. I liked to think that her opinion of me had changed. Maybe she would either remove my limbs or my tongue, not both. I couldn't decide which I would prefer. Both seemed rather uncomfortable.

"So, you're fairly quiet," Jared noted, bring me back to the present. "Is something on your mind."

"Uhm, no," I lied.

He rolled his eyes, but I didn't let him press the issue. I leaped forward, to the passenger side of the car.

"Hurry up, slow-poke," I mocked playfully.

He didn't smile, like I had expected him to. He unlocked the car, got in, and merely stared forward for a long time, not bother to start it even when I had buckled up. (Not that I needed to buckle myself in, but, out of habit, I did.)

"Something is on your mind," he said. "Won't you _please_ tell me?"

"I'll tell you later, now let's get moving," I said grumpily. "We don't have all day."

"You're right," he agreed. "We only have all afternoon and what's left of the morning."

"Whoa, not a lot of time. We better hurry."

He rolled his eyes again, but he did start the car. I felt a bit of relief when we were on the road back to Forks. The road wasn't busy, but I did catch a few car drivers staring at me. I was feeling a little self-conscious. Did they all know that I was about to break Jared's heart? Why did they have to stare?

Because I was a pale, gorgeous vampire, that's why. Great.

Okay, maybe gorgeous isn't the word I would like to use. I was probably good looking to the average person, but, compared to, example, Rosalie, I was nobody. Bella was up there too, but it sounded silly when she and I looked alike in a few ways to say that she was gorgeous when I was not. I knew I wasn't ugly, and I was fairly pretty, but not enough to stare at. Those drivers were all mind-readers most likely. They were all pondering on the vampire in the werewolf's car. That's all.

Ugh. That reminded me of the time I had accidentally brought that topic up with Jared. He refused to let the conversation drop until I admitted that I was beautiful beyond belief and I refused to end it without him admitting he was a little biased. We both won. He said he was biased because I was unbelievably beautiful, and I was forced to admit that I was unbelievable beautiful to him...and damn pretty. I was also forced by my instincts to kiss him then.

"When are you going to tell me?" Jared asked a while later. He had waited patiently, and we only had an hour left of the car ride.

"Ask me in an hour," I spat.

He put my hint together. He arched his eyebrows and stared at me incredulously. "Stephanie, you can tell me now. You don't need to be in Forks to deliver some big news."

"Yes, I do," I grumbled. "I would hate for you to total your car."

He sighed. "I'm not going to get angry, whatever it is."

I laughed. "Oh, yes. Yes you are, Jared."

"I won't," he growled.

"You _will_."

"What could be so bad?"

I shot him a slow, sad glance. He caught it, and seemed to deflate. I faced forward, hunching forward, leaning my elbows on the dashboard and burying my face in my hands.

"Wait until Forks, please," I begged calmly.

"What could be so bad?" he repeated, dryly this time. He was trying to puzzle together any hints I might have given him. There was no trail of bread crumbs to follow though; he was headed into a maze without a map.

He was quiet for the entire ride home. I didn't move once, but he did shoot me several nervous glances. It would look like I had died to a normal person, or maybe fell asleep. But, considering I couldn't do that sleeping thing and I couldn't die from guilt, Jared knew I wasn't moving because I was deep inside my own thoughts.

I had the sad duty of keeping it together just long enough to tell him I was leaving. It was such a strange pull, wanting to leave but also wanting to stay. Forks was too much, Forks was just right. Forks and Jared were my home, forever, but the Cullens would forever be my family as well. My heart was split in two, divided evenly between them. I now knew exactly how tortured Bella must have been deciding between Jacob and Edward. There was no way to describe the horrible pull of two enticing and addictive loves. How do you choose between two perfect homes?

"We're here," Jared announced.

"I know." I knew exactly where we were. Why would he stop so out of town? We were in Forks, but not in the main part. We were right aside from the forest with the road on our left. Why had he pulled off road? Did he believe me now that he would get angry? I hoped so, because maybe that would prove him with enough warning that he wouldn't be so surprised at how untrustworthy I was.

"Jared, please, listen to me," I pleaded, slowly dropping my arms to my sides. "I have to do this. I want to. I know it will hurt you, and it will hurt me as well, but I _have_ to."

He waited; he listened.

"This comes with the life I have now," I continued, trying to hint to him what was coming. "We don't age, remember? Carlisle needs to work in a place where no one is suspicious of him and the other Cullens like interacting with society, not just sitting around the house all day and then hunting to get some fresh air. And, frankly, I need that too. I love alone time with you, alone time with them, but it isn't so fun being in the same pattern everyday."

"Get to the point," Jared snapped. He sounded so drained; he sounded as if he really had picked up my hints.

"Jared, you have friends, so you must know what I mean," I continued. "You see other people. Not just me, or your family, and you have people stop by so you can fix up engines or whatever." I paused. I hoped admitting how much I still didn't understand about cars—despite him trying to teach me—didn't upset him further.

"I could live without all that, as long as I had—"

"No, Jared!" I spun to face him. "You couldn't! I know that, so don't say otherwise."

"It isn't a lie," I insisted.

I growled and then hopped out of the car. I strutted to the forest line, trying to cool myself off. He followed me too quickly, so I glowered at him when he spoke to me.

"You promised not to leave," he reminded me. "Why is it so hard to keep that promise to me?"

"_I have to leave_, _Jared_." You dumb, _dumb_ adorable werewolf. "Because of what I am! I can't stay. It isn't only about what I want. It's about what I need. Can't I be a little selfish?"

"Not about this," he said.

It was weird. I had never seen him so angry before. Okay, when I first came back he had looked pretty close to this, but, still, this was a lot to take in.

"I'm going." I said it as a final statement. There was nothing more. I wouldn't let him sway me.

"Then I am coming with you," he growled, stepping territorially towards me. "I'm not staying behind this time."

"You. Crazy. Mongrel," I spat. "Let. Me. Be."

"Why do you want to get away from me so badly?" he questioned, clearly irritated now.

"I'm not trying to get away from you," I shouted. "Damn it, Jared! I _love_ you! I. Am. Not. Running. From. You."

He was angry, but something I said was slowly bringing him into a state of calm. His breathing was normal; his eyes were steady on me.

"Stephanie."

"What!?" I looked at him, and he looked at me, classic move moment. I would have blushed if I could, especially from the depth and intensity of his stare. As it were, I could hear a slight rush of blood to his cheeks, both from anger and from what he was planning. I nearly flinched away when he suddenly dove on me.

Not that I was objecting to kissing him. Absolutely not. But, a) I was angry at him, b) I was trying to explain why I had to leave, and c) although he was angry at me, it became very clear that he had other things on his mind. I heard his heart racing like crazy as he kissed me more forcefully.

I was freaking out at that point. The closest we had ever gotten was one time hand-holding (when I could barely look at him because I was hyperventilating and embarrassed). Oh, and the three other times he had kissed me. Once when I had left Forks, once when I came back, and then a year later, when he said that he believed that I was actually going to stay, just as I promised. (Just as I promised, yeah right. What a jerk I was.)

However, his hand brushed my cheek ever so softly, and his lips were urgent, almost greedy against mine. I had very little self-control when it came to this sort of thing, so, I didn't resist. When his hand slowly slid down my shoulder, I realized that he was trying to keep my here, trying to persuade me to stay. I kept my hands at my sides, although they itched to touch him.

His blood pounded harder, and even harder as my hand hesitantly reached and brushed his throat. It was too much then. I could feel his pulse under my fingertips. My mouth filled with venom and the taste of him shot through my nose, my tongue.

I jumped away.

* * *

She jumped away. She darted away too fast for me to react. When I caught up to how far she was from me, all I could see was how tense she was and how wild her eyes were. Her chest wasn't moving—she was holding her breath.

Barely a second had passed, and I could still taste her lips, and recall with perfect clarity how it felt to touch her. What had I done to wrong that she had to leap away and ruin a perfect moment?

"Stephanie—"

"Don't. Jared," she breathed. Her eyes rolled back and her eyelids snapped over her eyes. Her hands twitched to her face, and she growled quietly for a short while.

I approached cautiously, slowly. She heard my approach, but only froze in place; she didn't back away.

"This proves my point, Jared," she said, her voice mangled with frustration. "For some reason, your blood is impossible to resist. I'm putting your life in danger by being close to—"

Her head shot up. Her eyes were wide, and swept over me in one quick movement, so quick it was difficult to track. Her eyes were butterscotch today, light. So why was she having trouble resisting blood? She had explained the whole light-eyes, less temptation thing a while back, but why didn't that apply? And weren't werewolves supposed to be naturally repelling as far as blood-lust goes or something like that?

"Impossible to resist," she repeated emotionlessly.

She straightened herself so she was perfectly upright, examining me once more. Her eyes weren't as wide, but they were just as wild. She was just as tense, but she no longer looked as if she were about the leap away or pounce at me.

"Looks like the bond goes both ways, Jared," she said. She smiled, looking like one of those scary China dolls—who probably had secret plans to kill children in their sleep. "You imprinted on me, and I...in a way...imprinted on you."

"Is that possible?" I puzzled. I hadn't known vampires imprinted. How weird.

"Not in that way," she said weakly. "But, certain people...their blood...its irresistible. The name for it, I think, is 'singer'. Some blood calls to some vampires. It's like...compared to your blood, everyone else is Leah's burned cooking."

"Wow. That's quite a difference," I admitted. I was feeling a little nervous, considering I had just attacked her and now she was realizing she wanted to eat me.

"I hadn't realized until now," she continued. "I thought I was only drawn to you because I loved you. Because you tasted good...well, that never occurred to me."

"You're not saying that...you don't...love me now?" I asked. If she answered 'yes,' I would probably die right there.

"No, Jared," she assured me. "I love you, Jared. So much more than I can possibly tell you. But, trust me mutt, this isn't going to work out so well right now."

"Right now?"

"I just got control of myself," she explained. "I got starting noticing the differences between blood types and tastes. I'm leaving soon, Jared. You're not going to stop me. And, now that I know that I love your taste just as much as I love your soul, it isn't safe for us." She paused. Her eyes shot down.

"Jared, you have no idea how bad the hand of fate is for those who try and tempt it," she whispered, her tone sad and cold. "Talk about magnet for trouble. Maybe it wasn't just Bella all along. Maybe was it that they role of predator and prey is never supposed to be switched to man and wife?"

"You mean Edward and Bella?" Where was she going with this? "It worked out for them, right? Don't spit out nonsense."

"They were supposed to be enemies too, though," Stephanie said coldly. "The odds are stacked against us."

"That doesn't matter." I took one step forward, she took one step back.

"I am _leaving_, Jared," she growled. "You're not going to stop me."

"Why not?" I demanded. "Why shouldn't I stop you? Because what? You'll hurt me? Kill me? That doesn't matter to me! Nothing could hurt more than you leaving!"

Why couldn't she understand that? Why couldn't she see how much she could hurt me just by mentioning being apart? Even thinking about it already had me shaking with rage.

Damn it. I couldn't see clearly. Already my eyes burned with tears and I was half-blinded by how much hate I felt—hate for whatever stupid fate-thing she was talking about. It was unbelievable how mad I was. I was mad at her too. As hard as it was to think about, I really hated what she was trying to do—again. Did she object to me that much? Did she have to leave again?

"Jared, calm down," she said. Her voice was drained, and her eyes watched me nervously.

"How can I? You're leaving! I can't stop you, and you won't let me tag along?" I choked out a laugh. "Steph, how can you even think about leaving? Do promises mean nothing to you?"

"I know I promised to stay, but—"

"But nothing," I growled. I could barely think straight, I didn't want her coming up with stupid reasons why promises didn't count for anything. "You promised me."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "But—"

I shred my clothes in an instant. I was furious, and my fury ripped across my skin, exploding into fur as the shiver of rage flew throughout my body. I was staring down at Stephanie soon enough. I huffed and puffed, and nearly blew her down. She looked so frail and small compared to me in my wolf form. It didn't seem realistic that I couldn't force her to stay. Even the emotion in her eyes made her look weak, as if one action or maybe one word would keep her here.

I wouldn't force her though. She could leave if she wanted to. Why not? She didn't care to stay here. She didn't care to stay here even for me. I wasn't going to waste my time, it would only hurt her in the end.

"Jared?" she said, her voice high and frightened.

I could feel hate, sorrow, and a burn inside me to mangle something. I would mangle her though. So, I ran away. I ran into the forest and then ran forward, clearing my mind of all thought.

_Jared_?

Damn. Why now? What the hell was Dad doing patrolling so far out right _now_? Why not later?

_They're leaving_, he summarized, sifting through all my thoughts.

_Yeah, Dad, they're leaving_, I agreed sourly. I really was no in the mood to talk.

_Jared_...

_Leave me alone_.

_Don't go too far_. His thoughts faded away. He was very subtly giving me some space.

But, now, where was I running to? Where I wanted to run to was off-limits, and it would be pointless to go back to where I started from. I had to go the opposite direction of where she was. Maybe if I gave her time she would reconsider—no.

I dropped that train of thought and travelled further into the maze. If I was going to get lost to emotion, then it wouldn't be hope. I wasn't following that route again. I intended to get all my anger our of me, and then say a good farewell to Stephanie, make her feel alright about leaving, so she wouldn't be guilt-ridden for the next ten years.

She would come back, right? One day, she would. She would have to come and see me. There was no way she would let me suffer forever. She had to. As strong as her pull was to leave, the pull to stay had to be at least equal.

That was the only hope I would allow myself, that she would come back. I would have to live by that for now. After all, there wasn't much else to hope for. She would never let a stupid mongrel chase her to her new location, to ruin the image of her perfect vampire family.

So, I had to calm myself, get rid of the rush of crazed emotion, and then say goodbye. Talk about a day from hell. And it had started out so great. Amazing how much fate could screw around with your plans. And even more amazing was how screwy love was. How could something that was supposed to be so sought-after be so wonderful one minute and so cold the next? Love, which is supposed to be profoundly tender and extreme with passion, affection, attachment and all that other amazing crap. Yet, here I was, in love, totally messed up in a rage.

And I could feel Stephanie's emotions too. I had just a taste of what she was feeling, thanks to the imprint. I could sense how she was frozen in place, still staring at the spot where her eyes had lost me in the forest, still wide-eyed and wanting to cry, but unable to, being a vamp and all. Our sorrow matched, but no other emotions connected just right. Her emotions were hollow, so shocked my my reaction, by how much devestation her words could cause, and how regretful she was that she could hurt me so badly. My emotions flared to much to concentrate on hers though.

So, I ran. I ran far away, never looking back. But, even with all that distance between me and the root of my pain, I couldn't get away.

* * *

**REVIEW!**_**Bella**_** and what SM made Bella choose. But, the ending made everything okay again. Plus, Seth and Jasper rock my socks! Edward may be a pansy, but he is a very sexy pansy!**

**P.S. I READ BREAKING DAWN AND I THOUGHT I HATED IT! Apparently not though. I was extremely angry at Stephenie Meyer throughout...oh, well, okay, I was mad at**

**To those of you who have read it, let me know if you share my passion for the randomness of the especially important new character (who I totally thought was pure evil for the longest time and was going to murder people), let me know! If you think I'm crazy for thinking such rude things, also let me know!**


	3. Vertigo

"A beautiful girl can make you _**dizzy**_, like you've been drinkin jack and coke all morning. She can make you feel high, for the single greatest commodity known to man — promise. Promise of a better day, promise of a greater hope, promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura, can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl, in her smile, in her soul, and the way she makes every rotten thing about life seem like its gonna be OK." — unknown

* * *

_**Chapter 3: Vertigo**_

Around and around we go, when we stop, we never know. Up and down, and back and forth, if we stopped it wasn't for long, because again we go, we go again.

Amazing how, with all the one-step forward, one back, frustration never once crushes a person. Even someone as indestructible as me realizes how someone more vulnerable would resort to a quick way out of the endless, dizzying path through the maze. How could I have known in advance that it would turn out like this? Even Alice would get a little lost—even if she could see werewolves.

How was I to predict that Jared would be angry enough at me to go all ka-boom on me? He never exploded into a raging ball of fur before! I hadn't really expected it. Okay, maybe I had jokingly told myself that in my mind and had warned him aloud—but I hadn't _really_ expected it. I was saying it and thinking it because it was nonsense—I was stating the impossible to assure myself that nothing bad would happen. I had expected him to be upset, yell a little, maybe beg too—not this though!

If I had actually been expecting this...

What would I have done if I had known? Would I have changed my mind? Would I have stayed? No, I wouldn't have. And that's the horrid truth of it. If I had known before hand that I was going to hurt him _this badly_, I would have still gone. He would forgive me when I came back, so it would be all cool between us again, right? And maybe he would have chased after me—that wouldn't be _so_ bad, right?

Whether he forgave me or not, whether I had known about his reaction or not, the decision would have been the same. I would have left with my family.

I couldn't help but think if the situation was flip-flopped. Jared probably would stay even if every werewolf and human he ever knew evacuated the area. And even if the situation was tweaked a little, if it were Edward instead of Jared—no. I wasn't going to think about that. Edward was happy; Bella was happy; I was happy.

Maybe I was a whole lot less happy than I had been yesterday, but still mildly happy, buried deeply within me. Just a spark of hope that I would see Jared again one last time before my family and I raced off to some un-sunny town that wasn't my home.

But what if I did see Jared again? Wouldn't that be silly knowing that I craved his blood? Or maybe it was a very weak tie to his blood, maybe I just had a tiny, tiny craving for it, nothing I couldn't get over. That was possible, right? Sometimes humans go through phases, where they absolutely love chocolate, and then, not so much. Its still good, but popcorn is just more fun. And then popcorn gives way to ice-cream. Maybe that's how vampires worked too. Maybe Jared would be my chocolate. (Ha, blood and chocolate. Aren't I original?) I loved Jared more than I loved blood, so the phase would pass. Maybe leaving would be the perfect way to move past my Jared's-blood craving. Jared could more or less live forever, so I could come back some time in the late future. The plan worked for me. It could work for him.

Now, to see Jared or not to see Jared? Which would bring the both of us the most happiness? Good question. But how to locate a good answer? Ah, my trusty side-kick.

I took my time getting home. I was wanting to take in whatever I could of Forks before I left. I scanned the trees with my high-definition vampire vision, and caught every vein of every leaf. Boring, maybe, but I wanted a complete and thorough look at Forks, to keep safe in my memory, until I came back.

I was more than pleased and totally relieved when I saw Emmett and Rosalie coming down the staircase on my way through the front door.

"Rose!" I called, smiling. "Do you have a minute?"

"Sure," she grinned, looking more like an airbrushed model for a dental clinic more than my adopted big sister. "What can I do for you?"

"And make it quick, we only have forever leftover," Emmett joked. He wasn't so funny today, but that tended to happen when he was in a hurry—which was rare.

"Rose," I sighed, as she wrapped her arm over my shoulder, seeming more like a mother than an older sister. "I am feeling rather flabbergasted."

"What's this about now?" she asked, taking me aside, facing us away from Emmett, to hint that his ears and opinions were unwelcome. "Jared, am I right?" I nodded. "Typical. Stupid mongrel."

I shot her a look, reminding her that I was very much in love with that stupid mongrel. She sighed and shook her head.

"I'm sorry, you're right," she muttered in her fluid, beautiful voice. "Its your opinion. I won't interfere with that. Just tell me your problem and I shall do my best to solve it."

"Thank you." How did I ever manage without Rose? "I told Jared that we're leaving, and he...was...a little upset..." I looked at her warily, afraid of what her opinion might be about that.

"He was upset enough to change into his wolf form," she realized. She paused and her eyes narrowed. "He didn't try to hurt you, right? I swear, if that mangy mut tried—"

"No, no!" I assured her, smiling nervously. "He didn't try anything." Accept try to kiss me a little more provocatively. "_I_ was the one who hurt _him_."

"Well good. I see no problem here. Easy enough to solve."

She clearly understood that I was being serious, so she waited for me to continue. Somehow, she seemed to know I ignored her little irrational comments.

"I also...I'm pretty sure he's my singer," I said, quieter, just because I felt self-conscious to be talking about the very theory that brought Bella and Edward together.

I heard Emmett's booming laughter before I could say anything else, and watched as Rosalie's face turned expressionless as she thought over all I had said—particularily that last part.

"Wow, when you pick a problem, you pick a good one," Emmett complimented. "Nice one."

"Thanks," I sneered. "I will be sure to keep picking tougher ones as we go."

"I prefer the kind of trouble Bella gets us into," Emmett said casually. "More fun with all the action."

"I'll keep that in mind," I promised. Jeez, that Emmett. I loved him, but I hated him.

"It is good we're leaving then," Rose smiled weakly. "No worries about what could happen if we stayed."

"So, you're telling me to let it be," I summarized. "You don't think we should kiss and make up or anything? Send a hallmark card?"

"Please, never say 'kiss and make up' when talking about a werewolf," Emmett pleaded. "I don't want to picture it. Oh. Too late. Nasty."

Rosalie rolled her eyes at Emmett. "Okay, Emmett, we know he stinks. You don't need to remind us."

"He smells fine to me," I mumbled quietly. "But I guess that's the whole 'singer' thing."

"Stephie, promise me you won't seek him out, okay?" Rose said, smiling softly at me, understanding the pain I was in. "Trust me, nothing good will come of this. You're still learning the ropes. Don't push your luck."

"I won't," I promised. "And we'll be gone soon enough. There's nothing I can do about it then."

"Be careful," she cautioned. "That mutt is probably going to come after you at some point. Send him away. Be nice, if you must, but don't encourage him to linger. It is better for _everyone_ if you make a clean break, if he stays here and you come with us."

I nodded absentmindedly, trying to figure out who 'everyone' was. Me, of course. Jared? I hoped so. Rose, definitely. Emmett, because he hated how I stenched a little of werewolf because of hanging around with Jared. But who else? Alice probably found it difficult to see me when I was with Jared, which would make her nervous and uneasy, so maybe she was included in _everyone_. Jasper wouldn't be effected—unless he didn't like the smell too. Esme and Carlisle wouldn't care either way. They were totally cool like that. They wanted me to be happy. Amazing how I had only lived with them for ten years, and they already felt entirely like my parents. (But Renee and Phil would always be equally my parents.)

Edward and Bella. Was I effecting them? Surely not. That's crazy. They were off in their own little world most days. And most nights...I tried not to read into their memories about that. Which was hard.

I had gained a lot of skill over my weird power. I was usually very good at keeping it under control, but, around Bella and Edward—especially Edward—my control lacked a bit. It was easier when I didn't look them straight in the eyes. If I watched the floor, or looked at someone else, I kept my control.

Other than control, the special little ability was pretty cool. I felt like one of the X-Men. I wasn't quite sure which. Jean Grey? Nah. I couldn't levitate things. Rogue? She was my favourite but, I didn't have nearly the same power as her. I guess I was more Professor X., since I could go into peoples memories. I couldn't mind read, but I guess I was only half Professor X then. Except I had more hair. A lot more hair. (Not as much as Miss Rapunzel, Bella Cullen, but still much more than the baldly super-mutant.)

(Ouh, Bella and her super-long-hair. She keeps saying she needs to hack it off, but she's becoming attached to it. If she doesn't cut it to a semi-normal length soon, I will. Regardless of whether or not she or Edward decide to kill me for it.)

But, since I had Bella and Edward on my mind...

"Rose, have you seen Bella and Edward anywhere?" I asked, trying to seem nonchalant about it. "I haven't see Bella in a while, since she went out with Esme. But Edward is gone too, I see. I assume their together."

Rosalie arched one of her perfect eyebrows, frowning at me. "Where do you _think_ they are?"

"Oh." Of course. They were—ew, so hard to think about—_together_together. Thanks a lot Esme for building their little house on the prairie. I didn't want to imagine what sort of things went on in there—actually, I didn't have to imagine, thanks to my lack of control around the perfect couple, the memories slipped into my head more often than I wanted.

"So early in the morning?" I moaned softly.

"I think they're debating who to vote for this coming election," Emmett assured me.

"I wish," I sighed.

Rosalie laughed lightly, and then turned away from me to drag Emmett away to who knows where to do who knows what. At least they were inconspicuous about their secrets. Bella and Edward seemed to flaunt that they were doing _certain things_. I had only ever been kissed before, and they were off in their own little house—nevermind. I wasn't going to think about it. I didn't care. They were happy, I was happy. The. End.

* * *

I was probably half way to Mexico when I turned around. The heat was a little much, and I had a lot of fur. So, I turned around and didn't stop in Forks when I had made it back. What's Canada like this time of year? I always wanted to see an igloo.

All joking aside, it was summer, and most of North America was going to be hot. I could only hope to escape a bit of that heat. I was naturally a little too hot because of being a werewolf, but it wasn't literally heat that was a bother.

It was almost kind of funny. I could run for an entire day (stopping once because I was hungry), and still not shake her from my mind. Imprinting was annoying. It defied logic. I shouldn't want to turn back every second and beg her to stay. I shouldn't _want_ to beg—but I _did_. I shouldn't need her to keep my thoughts clear.

My thoughts were dizzying. I couldn't understand them. There was her; don't run into that tree; there was her; I should head back; I should keep running; and again there was her. I _tried_ to think about how angry Mom would be or if Dad would be disappointed, but I couldn't force that into the confusing vortex inside my head. I didn't even dare try to think about my friends back home. They'd make more friends or forget about me until I cam back, swarm me with a few questions, and then it would be over with. Those less complex thoughts were pushed to the back of my brain, making room for absolute chaos.

So Stephanie was going to leave. She was going to leave when? I hadn't asked. And, when she did leave, I was going to stay here? I know that's what she wanted--especially with her announcing that she apparently liked my blood more than she normally should--but that wasn't what I wanted.

I knew I shouldn't be making decisions being complete blind to what was happening. I had to go back and problem solve the situation from hell. I would hear Steph out, and then make sure she hears me out. We were going to reach an understanding, a compromise. No more impasse. I was going to make sure that both of us got out of this thing happy.

By the end of the day, I had resolved to go home, but I caught a whiff of something unexpected. I knew what it was, but it wasn't familiar. I would have ignored it, not worried, but the number of them was surprising. It was either just as big or bigger than the Cullens. There were more approaching, so, I was guessing bigger. By the smell in the air, I could guess they weren't friendly. I could see purple smoke ahead, rising and clouding up the sky. And I smelled blood—human blood.

What kind of vampiric activity was dead ahead of me?

* * *

I opened my eyes and scanned the ceiling. It was so oddly quiet. I heard the birds and the bees and other wildlife, but, holding my breath, I could hear nothing else. I turned my head and my eyes met with Edward's and then it wasn't quiet enough. I smiled at him. How was it he was so completely perfect? I had thought things would change between us, that my want for blood would take away from my want for him, but I wanted him _more_. And he was all the more perfect when I could see him with my own perfected vampire eyesight. What I still couldn't get was how he loved me as a human. I know he did love me as I was, but how? I was so much more to look at when I at least had the flawless face of an immortal. As a human...where was the appeal in that?

Edward had loved me though, and he loved me now. He loved me when I was a newborn vampire too. Apparently, I had been very good at being a newborn. I shocked everyone—except Alice...and Stephanie, who had a similar newborn personality—with how calm I was and how good my self-control was. But after ten years of being a vampire, I was much more practiced. I hardly ever craved human blood, it just wasn't as appealing to me as those of animal blood. Maybe because I had guilted myself enough before I was turned, maybe that helped me gain such self-control. Honestly, sometimes I impressed myself. I was embarrassed when I did lunge at that hitch-hiker, and Edward had to stop me. But I did stop. It took just Edward's restraining arms to remind me that I didn't need to ruin a human's life.

"Its morning," I realized, seeing the sunlight creep through the windows.

"It has been for a while, love," Edward said, smiling.

"I guess I already knew that," I sighed. "Its been bright in here for a while."

I heard his quiet chuckle, distracting me from what I had been about to say. I just listened as his chuckle faded into the silence. Some mother bird was calling out to her screeching children, whose nest was nearby, disturbing the quiet I had become attached to.

I flexed my hand, moving it from Edward's chest to his neck. He didn't move, but his eyes watched me. I propped myself onto my elbow and simply stared at him, finding it difficult to recall what I had been about to say to him. It seemed unimportant now—as things always did, in comparison to him.

"Edward," I started, beginning to remember what I had to planning to say to him. "I think its going to be difficult—for me—to leave Forks."

I had tried to bring up that simple sentence last night, but I had been...distracted. But now, I was worried that I was worrying Edward. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. I got what I wanted, right? I'm a beautiful vampire who hasn't killed any humans yet, plus, I had Edward. I inspected the ring on my finger—further proof that I really did have Edward. He was mine, as I was his.

Since he hadn't answered, I wondered if maybe he had decided not to answer—or that I had worried him into silence. I hoped he wasn't feeling guilty for forcing this life onto me or something absolutely ridiculous. The problem was that Forks had become my home and it was hard to leave a home, the place where the heart belonged. I knew I would live, obviously. I was a vampire. I couldn't kill over from moving. And technically, if 'home is where the heart is,' then, really, my heart was with Edward, so leaving Forks wouldn't be all that painful—but, Forks did have some small portion of my heart, and had a tight hold on me.

Funny how the place I had once detested so much I now considered to be my home. Once Forks had been my bitter enemy, like it was Darth Vader and I was Luke Skywalker. Then BANG! I find Edward here, and there's no reason to ever leave Forks. I guess that could be compared to Luke finding out that Darth Vader was his father...and loses his hand during that epic battle. Now, what could losing a hand compare to in my life? Oh, right. I died, didn't I? Or—not that I would ever explain this comparison to Edward—when Edward decided that going far, far away would be best for me.

Any angle I looked at it, Forks was my home, and it would always be. It was the place I met Edward; it was where I was targeted to be killed numerous times; it was where I met the Cullens; it was where I became best friends with Jacob; it was where I died and where I was buried; it was where I came back to life (and thus met my half-sister/look-a-like, Stephanie); and it was where I married Edward, becoming eternally Mrs. Bella Cullen. If that doesn't describe a home, I don't know what does.

"We could stay here," Edward offered quietly.

I pondered that offer, just to humor him. It would be interesting—and I certainly wouldn't mind being alone with Edward for a long time. But then he would be separated from the family he had known for over a hundred years. I didn't want to do that to him. And, on the selfish side, how could I separate myself from the family I had integrated myself into because of their great compassion and perfect-family like qualities? They were wonderful; Edward and I had to move with them.

"No," I said finally. "We should go with them."

"Bella..."

"I _want_ to go with them," I corrected, not giving him a chance to point out that 'should go' and 'want to go' weren't the same thing. "I'm just going to miss it here."

"Then we'll come back," he promised. "Sooner or later."

I smiled. There was no way around how perfect he was. Somehow, even though I was being whiny and confusing, he was trying to come up with a solution.

"I think I need to go see Charlie," I announced. I sat up—reluctantly moving my hands off Edward—and headed to the closet.

Esme had re-modelled a lovely little shack, making it into a perfect cottage home. Alice had added her touch—a monster-sized closet that drove me crazy. Thankfully, besides the designer things here and there, I could locate jeans and simple t-shirts.(All probably designer too, but I didn't pay much attention to the tags and ties anyway.)

I got dressed and couldn't help myself as my eyes strayed over to Edward. How lucky was I to have won such a great lottery prize? I must have been a nun in a past life.

We didn't stop by the main house to see if anyone was around, we went straight to the Forks Cemetery. I was glad for that, because I was in the mood to think, and my tongue probably wouldn't be connected to my brain since I was so deep in thought. Edward, being a mind-reader, seemed to understand that I had a lack of tongue without even asking. I kept silent, he kept silent; it worked out perfectly.

I wasn't at all distracted until I caught an unexpected sight. Now, it wasn't unusual, but, considering she had spent everyday with Jared so far, it was strange to see her away from him.

Stephanie was sitting cross-legged in front of Issie's gravestone. I saw her lips quivering—she was speaking quietly, with absolutely no one around. I saw her roll her eyes, and then sigh. She stayed still, seeming to be very deep in thought suddenly. Her eyes shot up and met with mine. I smiled at her. Her eyes shot to Edward, and then me again. She waved her fingers, and then went back to staring at Issie's gravestone.

Maybe I shouldn't have interrupted her, but I was curious. Maybe curiosity did kill the cat, but I wasn't a cat, so I figured I was safe—so I decided to join Stephanie. I stood by her side, and Edward stood by mine.

"Visiting Issie again?" I asked, as cheerfully as I could without seeming obnoxious.

Stephanie nodded, but didn't answer. She looked a little nervous now, and she was breathing deep, slow breathes, as if trying to keep herself calm.

"You two are finally moving around," she grumbled. "You wasted the whole morning. You should be ashamed of yourselves."

I shrugged. "Maybe."

She smiled slightly. "Here to see Charlie?" she guessed. Or maybe she didn't guess—it was possible her gift had kicked in, allowing her to see that little bit of info. That would also explain why she was nervous. She probably saw more than she had wanted to.

Again, I was thankful that I had no weird power that was tricky to control. I had secretly hoped that I would have some fantastical ability, but I was just fine without one. I could shield my mind from Edward's still, and Stephanie couldn't see into my memories—not since I was brought back to life, at least—so I had that miniature power. I had good self-control. That was the extent of my powers. And that was fine with me. Really. Fine. Not jealous at all.

"Yes," I answered. "Here to see Charlie. I needed some place to think, too. And this seems to be the perfect place to think."

"I've always thought so," Stephanie agreed, still not making eye-contact. What was making her so nervous? I didn't bite.

It was beginning to feel uncomfortable, so I decided that it was time to part, rather than make Stephanie nervous—somehow, for some unknown reason. But her eyes suddenly shot up to meet mine, and she started talking, all traces of nervousness gone.

"Leaving Forks is going to be hard," she said. "I think we can do it though."

"I think so too." Finally, a decent conversation. How hard was it for two half-sisters to talk? Not very, as long as this kept up.

"I'm a little worried about not seeing Jared, of course," she sighed. "But its better if I go, considering he's my singer and all. I make him angry too much. At one point or another, he'll do the morph thing and then I'll drink him dry." She shuddered. "Tasty and all, but I'd have to find some way to commit suicide. And that's tricky. I'm ruling the Volturi out, because we don't need any trouble from them."

"Did you say 'singer'?" Edward interrupted, shocking both Stephanie and I.

"Yes. Why?" she asked. She seemed more shocked that she could actually look at him in a non-nervous manner than shocked by his question.

"But what about the...unpleasant smell?" I joked. "You can't tell me you like the smell of werewolf blood."

"Don't ask me how it works," she said, rolling her eyes. "I didn't make up all those faulty vampire rules that seem to break more often than rules really should be broken."

"Faulty?"

Stephanie looked at me, questioning what I had said. I hadn't said much, but her eyes seemed to accuse me of saying more, something opinionated; something against her.

All this time I had been sure that she had nothing against me, that we had an understanding—Edward love me, I love him, and the love between them was now brother-sister. End of story. But maybe she did hold some sort of resentment? After all, she may love Jared, but he was her second choice. I could only imagine what would happen if I had to switch places with her.

I had once—switched places with her, but not in that 'Freaky Friday' sort of way. I had fallen for a werewolf, Jacob, but he wasn't my first choice. As much as I had loved Jacob—as much as I still loved him—I had always loved Edward more. I could only hope that Stephanie wasn't in the same boat. She seemed happy enough with Jared—despite her recent irritation of having to leave him behind—and happiness should be enough. Should be. But I didn't understand the weird workings of the universe anymore now than I had when I was humanly impaired.

"I think the world works just fine, even when we don't understand it," Stephanie grinned, looking at me—having sifted through my past thoughts. "And, Bella, don't worry. I am happy—and that should be enough. I think."

I looked at Edward, trying to assure him that he wasn't missing out an important conversation. (He had an annoyed expression, from not being able to read either of our thoughts.)

"I think you aren't even trying to learn how to control your memory-sifting," I accused jokingly.

"I am," she sighed. "But it is fun knowing what people have thought, what they've done...I am trying though. I think you're pasts"—she nudged her head at me and then Edward—"are just too interesting to resist though."

"Good to hear I'm not dull," I said.

"You're not dull," Edward promised, gently stroking my cheek. "You're sempiterally captivating."

I smiled—of course—and caught Stephanie roll her eyes and glance away. I could tell the eye-roll was just a front—she was hurt behind the breezy facade.

"But you did say 'singer'," I recalled, turning to Stephanie—reluctantly facing away from Edward, trying to ensure that Stephanie would feel any more out of place. "I don't get how Jared can be your _singer_. First of all, he's a werewolf, and second, you've known him for a while, I don't think he can just suddenly become tasty."

She laughed. It was a mixture of mocking, or as if laughing at the ramblings of a two-year-old, and as if she actual found my comment funny. I wasn't sure which was the more dominant expression, because her face suddenly twisted into a shameful, confused sort of look. She didn't seemed to understand any more than I did.

"To be honest, for a long time, I wasn't so good at differentiating between flavors and scents from blood," she explained. "Rose did her best to explain—but its hard when Emmett makes fun of me so often."

Ah, that made sense. Even Emmett teased me for a while about that. Thankfully, Edward had taught me quickly, and then Emmett couldn't tease me anymore. Obviously he found someone else to bother.

"Lately though," she continued. "Its been pretty clear, and the scents that were compelling before are more compelling now—only because other smells have been pushed into a backdrop. Being able to identify everything makes different tastes clearer. And my taste for Jared keeps getting stronger. Its unbearable—which causes me to get angry at him quite a bit. Thank God he doesn't mind all my yelling. Its frustrating to want to eat someone and be with them all at once."

I felt Edward move suddenly beside me. He didn't move far, but enough for me to tell he was listening carefully—he was listening to compare his experience with my blood to Stephanie's experience with Jared's blood.

"And you realized today that this is the only explanation?" I questioned. "Couldn't it be possible that he just smells good to you? You are a bit biased, after all."

"I _wish_ that was the case!"

"So you're sure?"

She stared at her hands for a while, not really looking—more like, just focusing her eyes on something while her mind wandered far, far away. I could only guess that she was double-checking. But, from the dark behind her eyes, it was very clear that she already had her answer. She was looking for evidence against her certainty. Obviously, there was nothing to find.

She looked up, eyes certain, more than they had been before. Her lips set firmly. She didn't want to say her answer; she wanted there to be something else, some other reason.

"I'm sure," she said, in a clear voice with so much assertion that not even Edward disagreed. "And that's one more reason for me to leave Forks."

* * *

**Chapter 3! REVIEW please!! And the conflict is coming soon! I hope you understood that that short little thing from Jared's POV was supposed to be forshadow. lol I hope you liked it all.**


	4. Worse

"**When things go wrong, you'll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start going right they often go on getting better and better." - C.S. Lewis  
**

* * *

Of all the accomplishments today, it was awful to think that the pain looming over our heads would ruin it all.

I tried to communicate with Edward exactly what was going through my mind. I had to concentrate very hard to let him read my thoughts.

_Will he_..._live_? I asked him.

Edward shook his head. "I don't see how," he answered in a whisper.

I glanced back at Stephanie, who was leaning over Jared, cradling him in her arms.

"Jared is going to die, Stephanie," Edward said, trying to sound as kind as he could-despite the awful news he was delivering.

"No he's not!" Stephanie wailed. "He's fine!" She sobbed tearlessly for some time, mumbling assurances to Jared, although he didn't seem to be conscious anymore.

"Vampire venom is poisonous to werewolves," I recalled. "So she can't save him."

Stephanie straightened up and stopped sobbing. She slowly turned to me, eyes narrowed and looking lethal. "I can save him," she seethed. "Watch. Me."

* * *

**Chapter 4: Worse**

"I'm worried about Bella," I announced.

Everyone looked up at me. Being the psychic in the family, I was rarely doubted, but, for some reason, they looked doubtful. Edward arched an eyebrow; Rosalie rolled her eyes; Emmett smirked; Jasper paid close attention to me.

"I see Bella looking pained in the near future," I continued. "It makes me very nervous, actually, because I can't see what's upsetting her."

"It might be the move," Jasper suggested.

I shrugged. "Maybe—I can't be sure though."

"How upset?" Rosalie questioned. "Very, or just a little?"

"Very," I answered grimly. "And you too, Rosalie."

Rosalie subtly changed her expression to shock. "It must be serious then."

I nodded. "I've only see you and Bella though. The image is blurry—I think Jared might be nearby. I don't think we're in Forks. The surroundings aren't familiar to me."

"Not at all?" Esme asked. "Are you sure? It doesn't look like Mobile at all?"

"No, it's definitely not in Alabama."

"It must be still in Washington," Jasper rationalized.

"I think so," I agreed.

"Can you see the rest of us anywhere close by while Bella and Rosalie are upset?"

I thought about it. I closed my eyes and tried to call the vision back to me. It was so blurry—but I saw Jasper. He was there, for just a second.

"I see you," I said. I opened my eyes and turned to Jasper. "There seems to be a lot of pain. I could feel it—that's how strong it was."

"We should tell Bella. She needs to keep a heads up for anything that might cause this much sorrow," Esme reasoned.

"I'll go tell Stephanie," Rosalie added. "Come on, Emmett."

"We have to go now?" Emmett mumbled.

"Yes," Rosalie snapped. "Steph needs something to distract her, and this is just the right thing."

"Whatever you say," Emmett agreed reluctantly.

Rosalie strutted out of the room with her usual poise, Emmet trailing behind her, rolling his eyes and grinning.

"Where is Stephanie, anyway?" Esme asked. "I haven't seen her yet today."

"She was upset about making Jared wolf-out and run off," I answered. "She didn't want to bug Jasper with her troubling emotions. Plus she needed some time to think by herself."

"She's seeing Is," Jasper rephrased. "She said she'd be a while."

"Of course," Esme smiled softly. "That's perfectly understandable. I hope she isn't too upset by this."

"I'm glad she's leaving him behind," I blurted. "It will be a relief to be able to see what's going on—finally."

I froze then. Could that be it?

"Alice? Alice, what is it?"

I snapped my head to face Jasper. "I think, whatever is upsetting everyone, involves _Jared_."

"Jared?" Jasper and Esme said in unison.

"The scene is blurry," I confessed, "which means a werewolf has to be in the mix somewhere."

"But what could upset _Bella_ and _Rosalie_ that involves _Jared_?"

"I'm not sure," I concluded, "but I'm going to find out."

I spent the rest of the day doing just that, trying to find out what Jared had to do with Bella and Rosalie—and some unknown location. I tried to focus on un-blurring the vision. I could see Jasper more clearly, and caught a glimpse of Edward, who was also rather grim looking. But, after all my concentration, I found no more than that.

It was beginning to darken when Stephanie blasted through the door. She stopped in front of me and stared at me, concentrating very hard.

"You missed something else," she said. "About your vision."

"What?" I widened my eyes. "What could I have...?"

"You're focussing too hard on finding out more about the scene being played out when one of the key factors is already in there," she continued. She paused and sighed, seeing that I was drawing a blank.

"They're all staring at something," Stephanie clarified. "They're all looking at some centre point."

I gasped. "You're right!" I closed my eyes and focused on that—the centre point. "That's where the blur is—that's where..." I cut myself off, not wanting to upset Stephanie with mentioning that I thought Jared was in the core of the problem.

"It's okay," she grinned. "I already know. That must be where Jared is. I just wonder where I am."

"Good question," I garbled. "I know you must be in there. Where else would you be? Or maybe that's why we're upset. Do you plan of running off anywhere?"

She shook her head. "Nope, and I certainly won't now."

"Huh." That didn't change the vision at all.

"Why would I run off? I have no reason to."

I gasped again as the vision came again, this time clearer and we were all there—except I couldn't see Stephanie, but I was convinced she was in the centre of the blur. I could see that we were all upset—and there seemed to be purple smoke behind us.

"Alice?" Jasper asked. "What do you see?"

It took a second for Jasper's voice to reach me; I was so involved with the scene. I could tell that even I was there, equally distraught as everyone else.

"We're all there..."

"Even Stephanie?"

"Maybe..."

"Where are we?"

"I...I'm not sure. There are trees. Purple smoke."

"Are we the only vampires there?"

"We are now," I answered solemnly. "I think there might have been more, before..."

"Before what?"

Before I could find an answer, I saw Stephanie, with wild eyes, glaring at Bella. Then, she snapped around, and—I lost it.

I sighed and shook my head. "I have no idea what the problem is now."

"Did the blur go away?" Stephanie questioned, still peering into my memory. "Oh."

"What?" Jasper demanded. "What changed, Alice?"

"Stephanie is mad at Bella," I explained. "I don't know why."

"Are you holding any resentment against Bella?" Carlisle asked, entering the room with Esme.

All of us looked at Stephanie, fully knowing what she could possibly hold against Bella. Stephanie stared at the floor, seeming strangely nervous, and look angrier by the second. I could see Jasper tense beside me; Stephanie's emotion must be getting to him.

"I know what all of you are thinking," Stephanie communicated calmly, taking some Herculean effort on her part. "I don't need to be a mind reader to know that you think that I resent Bella because of what _happened_."

We had never really talked about it, we had let it slide. Now I knew that Stephanie was still sore over the whole thing. But did she resent Bella?

"I love Bella like a sister," Stephanie assured us. "More than a half-sister. And I think of Edward like a brother. All of you are family; I don't begrudge family."

"But if something came up, if the situation changed," I started, really not wanting to be the one to say it. "Would you rather be with Edward? Would you push Bella out of the way?"

"No," she snapped. "I would never interrupt their happiness."

Jasper didn't un-tense. I had thought that was a good enough answer, but perhaps something in her emotion was enough to convince Jasper otherwise.

* * *

I stormed out of the house. I couldn't believe that they doubted me! After all I had given up, they thought I would change my mind in the tough-stuff came along? I loved Jared; I wasn't going to say "Whoops a daisy, I think I love Edward again!" I had made up my mind—more for their sake than mine—and I was happy with the set up. Everyone had someone to love; there was no need for me to begrudge. I had no conflict with any of them. Why did they doubt me? Did they not consider me family as I considered them?

I heard Rosalie chasing after me. I stopped, knowing that she would want to explain that Alice was just covering the bases.

"You have to admit, there was something there," she said quietly.

"Something where?" I snapped.

"Between you two," she clarified. "You and Edward."

I bit my lip and stared furiously at her. She doubted me to. How could Rosalie—_Rosalie_—turn against me too?

"Listen to me, Stephie," she said, smiling assuringly at me. "I know that you don't want to admit it, but Jared isn't right for you and—somewhere deep down—you know that Edward would be your better match."

"Edward has Bella, Bella had Edward. End of story."

"But what if you don't have Jared anymore?"

"I do," I mumbled. "Jared loves me. He'll wait."

"I'm sure he will," she agreed. "But will you?"

I looked up at her, wide-eyed and terrified. What was she saying? Was she implying that she preferred me to be with Edward? Or was there something more she was hinting to?

"I didn't find Emmett right away," she continued lightly. "But I found him eventually, and we've been inseparable ever since. I think you're Emmett hasn't come yet. We're always gaining some new vampire family member. If you're patient for a hundred years or so, you might get lucky."

"I _might_," I hinted. "But I might _not_."

"All I'm saying is that you shouldn't tie yourself down," Rosalie said calmly. She looked worried, like an older sister would be if the younger was freaking out. "And, to be honest, I already know what the big upset is about. I know what happened in Alice's vision."

I gasped. "How—how do you know?"

She shrugged. "It's obvious."

"Then what is it?" I questioned. "No, we should go tell Alice right now."

"I can't say," she mumbled. "It's awful, but it has to be true."

I rolled my eyes. "Let me guess, you think Jared is going to launch some sort of werewolf attack against us because he's seeking revenge against me or something?"

"No, not that," she snapped. "I'm more reasonable than that."

I sighed. "You're right, Rose. Forgive me. You're so nice to me, and then I go crazy."

"That's alright," she smirked. "I expected you to go crazy at some point or another."

"That's really encouraging," I laughed. "So, are you going to tell me what's so upsetting or not?"

She frowned and stared me directly in the eye. "You won't like it," she warned me. "In fact, you might hate me for figuring this out."

"Rose, please, tell me," I begged. I could feel it coming—I could feel the conviction behind her tone.

"It is about Jared," she said simply. "But I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"There's something you have to do first," she answered.

"What do I have to do?"

"I know you said you weren't going to run off, but you kind of have to," she continued. "You need to track Jared down now."

"Why?" I was truly puzzled now. Why did Rosalie want me to seek out a werewolf she hated?

"You need to say goodbye," she whispered. "And you should do it before it's too late."

* * *

Review, please.


	5. AliceHelp!

"**I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do...I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you." – Unknown**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Alice—Help!**

* * *

The wind whipped by me and yet my skin couldn't measure its cold; it reminded me of another time when I couldn't feel the cold; it reminded me of when I was the cold.

Not that any of that mattered now. I was stranded once again in an impossible life. I couldn't live up to her legacy; I couldn't have him. There was no point in this—in surviving. I wanted to help him live though—and some strange part of me wanted to help her live too—but I just couldn't manage it anymore. I had tried to make it work; I had failed. If things had continued of the course they were supposed to follow, I would have been happy.

The again, what course was there? Fate had twisted my path so thoroughly that I wasn't sure anymore. Once, I had been mortal and carefree—with only a simple life's wants, needs, and fears. Then, a star had appeared in my sky, and altered the course of my existence forever. After that, all I could see was stars—so many of them, all so brilliant, and to my surprise, I was one of them! I could brighten someone else's sky! But that someone vanished from my world. What use was the light of a star when there was no one to see it's brilliance? So, naturally, my light went out.

I looked up, there was the silver Volvo I had been waiting for. My heart did something unfamiliar—it beat. I still wasn't used to that feeling—the pain it caused when it moved. Why did it have to beat? I knew the mechanics behind it—how it pumped blood through my veins, to keep me alive—but I didn't want that pain that came with it. My heart hadn't belonged to me in such a long time—I hated having it back. It was much easier when someone else held it.

He got out of the car and I ran up to him. I saw the shock in his eyes when my arms clamped around him. I shivered; the wind wasn't the only cold that froze my skin now. I didn't mind this though, this was familiar.

"Stephanie?" Edward's voice was confused. Was it so out of place that I would want to reach out to him?

"It's good to see you," I breathed, reluctantly drawing myself back. "I'm glad you called me to meet you here."

"I need your help with something," he said. His eyes—dark honey today—scanned over my face. I wondered what he saw there. Did he see the empty shell? Did he see how little there was left of me?

"Anything," I vowed. "Ask anything; I can do it."

"You don't look well," he commented, curiosity in his tone, and a clear measure of how much pain he noticed in me, there, in his eyes. He knew I hadn't healed yet.

"When you lose the one person who loved you more than anything and anyone, that happens," I retorted.

"I'm sorry."

I rolled my eyes, trying to brush off his guilt, but it was hard when tears pooled so easily to my eyes. "It's nothing. I just need more time. Jared meant a lot to me."

Edward moved his hand, tried to reach to touch me, but he froze. There was too much tension in the air; I knew he could feel it. It was thick enough to cut with a knife.

"It's been ten years," he murmured. "You still look the same."

I laughed. "Are you kidding? I have all these wrinkles. Trust me, Edward, I've changed."

He shook his head. "That's not what I meant. You haven't gotten better. You said you would."

"You should have known I was lying," I whispered icily. "I didn't want you or our family—your family..." I stopped, too much in pain to continue, with the memories bursting forth to the front of my mind.

Edward eyed me, clearly upset that I was upset.

"I didn't want you and your family to worry," I continued dryly. "Now, whatever your problem is, hurry up and tell me. It's not like I have a life to get back to or anything, but my parents worry when I stray too far. Mom calls every five minutes, to make sure I haven't tried to cut..." I saw the alarm in Edward's eyes. It was best not to continue.

"Have you been...hurting yourself?" he questioned. "Have you not tried to move past this at all? Why didn't you try to contact us?"

Anger flared inside me. I wasn't used to how clean the emotion was. It seared and licked at the raw edges inside me, and it didn't hurt so much, feeling the anger. It numbed the pain.

"I've tried, Edward," I gasped through my clenched teeth. "Edward, I was relentlessly waiting for you. I can't tell you how much it hurt—not seeing you."

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. I had almost forgotten he could read my mind now, so he knew that when I said I searched for him—I meant _only_ him.

"Stephanie," he said, "I can't do this."

"Do what?" I was confused. Tears streamed from my eyes. Tears—tears I had long forgotten from years of being a vampire. Why did they keep coming? Wasn't there a limit to how many tears one single human girl could cry? I thought last night would have been the last of them.

"I love Bella," he reminded me. "I'm sorry that it hurts you—"

"I know you love her," I cried. "I know that, Edward! You think I could forget? I've been tortured by that knowledge for years! But I could care less what you think of her. She's like a sister to me—well, obviously since she is my half-sister, she is a sister to me—but I still feel things for her."

Edward opened his eyes. "I'm sorry about Jared." His eyes looked sincere, but my beating heart still stung from the memory. "But I can't replace him. That won't help you."

I bit my lip and closed my eyes. I hated how it felt; I hated the reaction his name brought on; my heart burned inside me, taking all of me and twisting it. I wasn't the me I once was—the me that had loved only Edward, or even the me that had begun to forget my feelings for Edward. I was somewhere in between, all because I had lost someone again.

"Edward, do you need my help or not?" I snapped. "Or have you come to derail my life again for no reason?"

He sighed. "I thought you could help; I see there's no possibility of that now."

My eyes widened in shock. "Why? Why is there possibility?"

"I thought you might be...a little better," he muttered. "Obviously not. I can't expect you to help deal with more peace treaties when you're this...tormented."

"Are you trying to reason with wolves again?" I shrieked. My voice was getting high with strain. I could see this fear in Edward's eyes. Did it hurt him to see me so wrecked and unable to be saved? Or did it hurt him to see a face so close to his Bella, older, withered, and lost?

"They only listen to you," Edward whispered.

"Because of Jared," I retorted. "They only listen because Jacob is their leader and..."

My mouth felt dry, my brain reeled from the memory. I thought I would be able to handle seeing Edward, to be able to not think about Jared. It was impossible.

"I can't do this!" I screamed. "I can't!"

I dug into my pockets. I always carried it with me, in case of an emergency, in case the weight overwhelmed me. This was the last time I would use it though. I had suffered for too long. I wanted it to end.

"Stephanie!" Edward looked at my hand in shock, he stepped forward to stop me, but I already held it to my chest.

"I can't do this anymore," I sobbed. "I'm done."

It was oddly soothing, and wonderfully final, hearing the shot. My eardrums rang from how close it was. The pain was nothing compared to what I had endured, and yet substantially worse. But it ended. And that was all I had asked for since the day Jared had died—and ending. No happily ever after—just an end.

* * *

"Alice?"

I opened my eyes. I gasped.

"Alice, what did you see?" Jasper asked.

I chocked on the words. I couldn't believe what I had seen. I had to be wrong. I had been wrong before, hadn't I? I had seen deaths and prevented them—this was just another case of that. It was because werewolves were involved. I couldn't see them, so they were interrupting the accountability of my visions. I had to be wrong.

"Alice? Alice?"

I turned my eyes toward Jasper. He was worried. I felt him try to sooth me, but even his power couldn't take all the fear away from me. The bitterness remained. I could catch my breath though. I closed my eyes to collect my thoughts. Jasper finally was able to calm me. I could speak again.

"I saw...Stephanie, kill herself," I explained. "Ten years from now. Jared was killed—and ten years later she killed herself."

"How?" he asked.

"She was human," I said. I opened my eyes and shook my head at him. "I don't know how, but she was human again."

"What do you want to do?"

I wasn't sure. Should I warn her? Would that change things? Or was this unchangeable? There was no way to be sure how to fix this. I couldn't see Jared's future, because of what he was, so there was little I could do.

"I should find Stephanie," I decided. "She should know."

"Find her?" Jasper had picked up the key word.

"Rosalie was talking to her earlier, I wasn't paying attention, but she sent her off somewhere," I said. "I think Stephanie is headed after Jared right now."

Rosalie would be downstairs in thirty seconds. Edward, Bella and Esme were there now. Emmett and Carlisle were wrestling grizzly bears currently.

"Edward, Bella, Esme," I called. They came up immediately. I looked at Edward; he had already read my mind. "I'm not sure what to do."

"Do about what?" Bella asked. "Did you see something, Alice?"

"I've seen a lot of things," I sighed. "But this keeps getting crazier! How is it possible—to turn human again..."

"Turn human again?" Rosalie gasped. She had come up already.

I nodded my head. "I saw...Jared is going to die, Stephanie is going to turn human again—somehow—and then commit suicide."

"I knew it," Rosalie said. She closed her eyes; she paled under the pale moonlight.

"You knew it?" That was unexpected.

"Are you psychic too now, Rose?" Bella asked. Her tone was marred by her fear. Bella worried very easily. I wondered if telling her was a good idea.

"I...just had a feeling," Rosalie answered vaguely. "But that doesn't matter. We have to prevent Jared from dying. Stephanie won't survive losing him—as Alice has already seen."

"You're not curious as to how she turns human?" Edward demanded. We all looked at Rosalie. Guilt was clear in her dark eyes. Edward must have read her mind. She must have thought about it.

"That doesn't matter right now," she mumbled. "What matters is Stephanie's safety."

I was surprised by her answer. I should have known Rose better, having lived with her so long, but she wasn't usually so unselfish—especially about this touchy subject. Normally, the first thing on her mind would be how Stephanie became human. Then again, Stephanie and Rosalie were peculiarly close.

"I know where she went," Rosalie offered.

"No need," I said, stopping her. I held up my hand before she could continue. My mind was flooded with another vision. The room was silent; I peered into the future with heightened interest.

"Of course," I sighed. "Jared is going to come face to face with our kind."

"There was an abnormally large group passing through up North," Edward explained to Bella. "Alice was keeping an eye on them."

"How large is abnormally large?" Bella wondered. She still didn't know everything about our world.

"Four."

"Oh. That's not too bad," Bella grinned. "I've faced more than four before. There's no need to worry, right? We can catch up to Jared, make sure those vamps don't hurt him, and vision avoided."

"Not exactly," Rosalie snapped; she rolled her eyes. She still hadn't adjusted to liking Bella yet.

"Why not?" Bella puzzled.

"I'm going," Rosalie announced. She addressed me next, with a deep worry wrinkling his perfect brow. "Alice, do whatever you feel is necessary. I have to catch up to her. She's never had to deal with an unfriendly vampire before. She needs back-up."

I checked, looking as far as I could. "Good," I said. "That changed the vision. Stephanie doesn't kill herself now."

Rosalie nodded and rushed out of the house. The vision hadn't altered too much, just enough for me to know we were on the right track. The vision had changed so that there was no gun in Stephanie pocket, so no quick way out; Edward had talked her out of anything rash.

"Bella," Edward said, quietly to Bella, trying to reason with her. "You should stay here. I don't want you—"

"No," Bella interrupted, shaking her head. "I'm in. I already ruined Stephanie's life; I'm not going to sit here and let something catastrophic happen. Besides, Jared a good kid; I want to make sure he doesn't die."

"Should we go after them?" Esme asked meekly. Her brow was lined with worry and her frown was deep set.

"Not yet," I assured her. "As long as Emmett is with Rosalie, she won't be in any danger. If Rosalie catches up with Stephanie, then Stephanie will be informed." I paused. I was hoping the vision would change again, but nothing was happening. "If they find Jared before the others do, if anything we can stall for time."

Jasper touched my shoulder. I looked up at him. He could sense how worried I was. I hated to worry him too.

"I'm not sure how to fix this," I confessed.

He took my hands and stared into my eyes. There were a thousand assurances there. I wish his comforting was able to fix everything, but it couldn't. I had to try a little harder.

I sighed and turned to face Edward. "We need to find out where Jared is."

Edward nodded. "We need to contact Jacob."

Bella bit her lip. I knew exactly what she was thinking—and I was the one who couldn't read minds. There was no way we could cross the line, and yet, we had to get into La Push. Bella wasn't human anymore, so she couldn't go over there and beg for assistance. We needed a human—or another werewolf—or Angela Weber.

"Bella," I gasped. She nearly jumped as I leaped at her, grinning from ear to ear. "I need you to contact Angela Weber!"

Bella gave me a strange look. Did she think I was crazy after all this time?

"Trust me," I said. "Go find Angela."

"Why?"

"Do you remember when you said if Angela was witch, she could join in too?" Edward reminded Bella. It didn't job her memory.

I laughed. "Trust me, Bella. Angela is just the magical Missus we need."

* * *

**Sorry for the slow update! Hopefully this will do! I know the plot is probably confusing, but it's all a very grand piece of a lovely and intracite puzzle.**

**Please REVIEW!**


	6. Meetings

"**Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music." – Angela Monet  
**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Meetings**

* * *

Angela Weber. I hadn't heard that name in a long time. I hadn't seen her in a long time. I hadn't seen her since before I had died. How was I going to explain this to her?

"Hey, Angela, it's me—Bella? Do you remember me?" I tested. "Yeah, I know. I died a long time ago, but, not to worry. I'm still not technically alive. Nope, I'm not a zombie. I'm a vampire." I sighed. That sounded awful.

Edward chuckled quietly beside me.

"What? I snapped. "Can you come up with something better?"

He grinned at me crookedly. "If Alice says that Angela is the perfect person to ask for help, then Alice is right."

"Yeah," I agreed hesitantly. "Betting against Alice is dumb—I know that—but this seems...really out of whack. How could Angela—perfectly normal Angela—be involved in this mess?" I shook my head. There were just no normal people anymore. What kind of world was this planet earth? A planet of supernatural freaks?

"You were perfectly normal once too, Bella," Edward said. Then, he laughed.

"What's so funny now?"

He looked at me—eyes smoldering—with more definition than I had ever seen when I was human.

"You were always much, much more than normal," he corrected.

I rolled my eyes. I felt giddy—it was a great feeling, knowing that I couldn't embarrass myself with blushing anymore—especially when he did _that_ to me.

"I think you should be helping me with the problem at hand, not complimenting me grossly out of proportion to reality," I quipped. "Finding a way to break my resurrection to Angela lightly is much more important than you pretending that I was always a fascinating creature."

"I'm not pretending, Bella," he insisted.

"Edward, problem at hand," I reminded him.

"I think she must already know."

"Know what?"

"That you're alive."

I wanted to tell him that there was no way that was possible—but I stopped myself. The pain in his voice—still present, even after all the time passed. He would never forgive himself—and it hurt me so much to know that. He hated himself for something that wasn't remotely his fault. I had tried to convince him of that, but he wouldn't listen to me. His eyes held the same sadness, and he apologized just as often. I wish I could explain to him how it wasn't his guilt to feel, to force him to stop feeling guilty.

But I couldn't.

"Edward," I started quietly, "pull over."

"Angela's house isn't—"

"Pull over," I ordered softly.

Edward did as I said, although he glanced at me inquisitively, almost nervous.

"Is something wrong Bella?" he asked, worried—as usual—that he had missed something crucial that would equal my unhappiness.

I stared him in the eyes, and leaned forward slowly. I left an inch of space between us, laying my hand delicately on his face.

"Edward, please, for me, forgive yourself," I begged. "Don't torture yourself anymore. I can't stand it. I can't stand seeing the pain you put yourself through. It hurts me, Edward."

Edward's expression pained again. I knew that mentioning how he was hurting me would upset him, but I wanted to find some way to solve this—once and for all. If hurting him more for just a second meant that I could help him heal, then I would do it. I wanted him to lose the guilt. To move on.

"I've alive," I reminded him. "You didn't give up, and that's why I'm alive. You kept your promise. You didn't off yourself. If I had been in your shoes...well, let's not talk about that. The point is, we're both together. There's no point lingering on all the bad stuff we've had to face, the obstacles we've overcome. It's all really silly compared to how happy we are now."

A small smile touched his lips. "You really are happy, right now?"

"Well, this whole Jared-might-die and Stephanie-is-going-to-turn-human crap is horrific," I amended. "But, besides that, I am happy."

"Then we should fix this quickly," he suggested. "So you can be happy again."

"As soon as I figure out a way to drop the bomb delicately," I sighed. "This is going to be tricky."

Just then, the phone rang. Edward held it to his ear before the first ring was over.

"Hello?" Surprise fleeted across his face. He looked at me, holding the phone out. "It's...Angela," he said. "She wants to talk to you."

I stared down at the phone. It was Angela. That was impossible. How could Angela be calling us right now? How did she have Edward's number? How had she asked for me? How did she know I was alive? Wasn't she startled to have had the phone answered by Edward? Or had she not recognized his voice? How was it she was calling _now_ of all times? Did she somehow know we needed her?

But all that was impossible.

All this happened in a second. I pressed the phone to my ear, keep my breathing calm.

"Hello?"

"Bella," breathed the voice on the other line. It was Angela's voice alright, just older. She sounded more confident than the shy Angela I remembered. "It's good to hear you."

"Angela? Is that really you?" I asked.

She laughed. "Are you seriously asking that question? You come back from the dead, turn into a vampire, and you want to know if I'm me? Shouldn't I be asking you that question?"

"Yeah, you should. But you didn't."

She was silent. I heard her breath catch.

"You want to meet with me," she assumed. "So, what's taking so long? You're on the street one over from mine."

How did she know that? I kept my voice calm—unaffected—when I answered.

"Angela Weber...how is it you know...?" I couldn't finish; there were too many questions to ask. All I knew for sure was that Alice was right. Angela really must be a witch.

"I'll explain," she promised. "And...It's Cheney. The mailbox out front says Cheney on it."

Why did that name sound familiar? It wasn't Angela's last name—or, at least, it wasn't always her last name. How much had changed? Did she look the same? Has she gotten married? Is that why Cheney was on the mailbox? Did she have kids?

"Are you alone?" I asked.

"Yes," she answered sadly. "I'm alone."

I realized too late that the question had a double meaning to it. I hoped I hadn't offended her.

"Don't worry," she assured me. "Mr. Cheney and my kids aren't even in Washington right now. You can come on over."

I felt better at that. She wasn't alone. She had gotten married. I smiled. Was her life what she had wanted it to be? Was she glad she had ended up stuck in Forks? Or was there more to the story? I wanted to know. I wished I had been able to be friends with Angela. We had left off at such a good place...as such good friends. I had felt connected to her—my only true human friend—who seemed to be unnaturally inhuman after all, according to Alice.

"We'll be right there," I promised.

"Edward too, of course," she realized. I could almost hear the eye roll. "Never separated."

"Of course not," I agreed.

She laughed. "See you soon, Bella."

"See you soon," I said. I looked up at Edward. "This might be easier than I thought," I grinned.

* * *

I shouldn't have run away. I should have stayed. I should have spent time with Stephanie while I still could. I was an idiot. A total asshole. If I had any brains I wouldn't have left Washington. Now I had to go back and hope she hadn't left yet.

Yeah, right.

Why the hell would she stay? I was stupid to hope. If she was as ashamed as me as much as I was ashamed of myself, she would have left the second I took off. She took off last time without any regrets. It wouldn't be different this time.

Maybe she would think of me this time, and actually want to come back. If that was the case, then at least I would have the satisfaction of knowing she wanted me. And, if she came back, out of free will, I would know she was coming back only for me—not those other vamps. If she could leave them behind, for me, then I wouldn't ask for anything from her again. I would respect her sacrifice and never ask for any favour. I would let her do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. She could wake me up at 3 AM if she wanted, and throw me over a cliff if I didn't come to her fast enough. So long as she came back to me.

Even if she stayed away, I would eventually come after her. Then, I would beg her to stay. I wouldn't care how wimpy or pathetic it was to beg; she was too important to me to let my pride get in the way. Besides, dogs begged all the time, and I wasn't that far off. She would get a kick out of that.

So, I was going back. I would either go back to find her waiting, so I could ask her to forgive me, or I would find that she was gone. If that was the case, I would wait for however long my sanity lasted. Once I was good and insane, I would go after her. Maybe she'd feel sorry and leave her vamp family for me.

I hated to think about that—about her giving up her family for me. I knew she cared about them, that she belonged with them. As much as I hated to admit it, she deserved them, and they deserved her. I couldn't argue with that. And, if I wanted her to be happy, I couldn't separate her from them. I didn't want her to leave, but, more than that, I wanted her to leave. I wanted her to go off to some exciting new place where she could begin to feel normal.

Not normal as in ordinary, because she was so beyond that blah-blah-blah sort of life. But, if she could get a taste of what it's like to be human again, then that was enough. I hated when my humanity seemed out of reach. Being a wolf half of the time could do that to a person. But I couldn't imagine having every last part of the life you knew being ripped out from under you. It was frustrating to change out of anger, but being thirsty for blood, all the time...that would be hell on earth. If pretending to be a human in some new town gave Stephanie a taste of being normal again, it was worth the pain I would endure while she was gone.

I was in Washington again, keeping away from roads. It was nearing sunset. I was a little hungry and a little tired. I hated to have to stop, but I wasn't going to be able to go much farther. If I could at least get some sleep, I could be home tomorrow and grab a bite. Sleep was the most important need at the moment. I slowed my run and tried to find a safe spot to rest. I thought I had found a spot—it was nice and quiet—but then I realized what was off about the silence.

There was too much of it—the silence. Where were the sounds of the forest? Where was the wind I had heard not too far back? Why had it stopped so suddenly? I felt uneasy. There was something unnatural about this quiet.

"We could go to Forks, pay them a visit," a child's voice suggested seductively. "The mind-reader is back. I want to eliminate him before Aro takes a liking to him again."

"Aro will be disappointed," a male voice said. This one was also seductive. They were clearly both vampires. I could smell their sickly sweetness from where I stood. My nostrils flared, and burned.

"Not for long," the young child's voice—a girl—assured. "If we bring back the psychic, Aro will be satisfied with that."

"She won't cooperate, especially not if we kill him," a woman's voice added sharply. Her beautiful voice gave away that she was one of them.

"I hear they haven't been the same since the human nuisance died," the girl child cooed. "I have to say I was pleased to hear about it."

"Jane...you didn't just hear about it," the woman said slowly, hesitantly—as if she was afraid of the child. "Aro told us not to speak about it, I know. But I also know it was you. I don't see why you couldn't leave that girl alone. She was a pathetic wretch with tasty blood. There was no point in hurting Carlisle's family. You know how fond Aro was of his old friend Carlisle."

"I hated her," Jane growled. "So she died."

A sharp scream echoed toward me. I wouldn't have needed super-hearing to hear it. It was shrill. It was only for a second, but it was enough. The panting and whining I could hear still; it was the woman. I could hear her pleading, something like "Stop it, stop it! I'm—sorry—Jane!"

"You're not forgiven," the girl said. But the panting stopped. Whatever torture the child-vampire had been causing, it had ceased.

"We killed runaway southerner, and that's all we came here to do," the man said. "I suggest we go back and not cause any more trouble. Aro won't excuse you a second time, Jane."

"He will."

"Still, it would upset him," the woman said. Her breathing was back to normal—no panting, as if the pain inflicted on her had been a hallucination.

"I think we should extend an invitation, at least," Jane suggested. "They have nothing better to do than wallow in their misery. Why not take care of more than one order of business at a time?"

"I thought you liked being Aro's favourite, Jane," the woman mocked. "Is it alright now that the girl is dead? You don't mind that Aro wants to replace you with the psychic and the long-range mind-reader?"

"I do mind," Jane said, her voice dripping with venom. "But I plan on eliminating the competition if I get the chance."

"Aro won't like that," the man said quietly.

"Aro will appreciate that I got rid of the hassle," Jane argued. "I know, sooner or later, _Edward_"—she said his voice coldly—"will come gravelling, begging to be killed, because his precious mortal is gone. I am simply saving our masters the trouble."

"If that's the way you see it," the man sighed.

"That is the way I see it," Jane insisted. "Are you in or out, Demetri?"

The man sighed again. He took a moment to decide.

"I'm in."

"And you?" Jane demanded icily.

"If I'm in, so is Andrei," the woman said. "And if Andrei is in, Carlos will refuse to miss the action."

"And Lidia isn't going to let Carlos get into any fight without her by his side," the man—Demetri—added.

"That's exactly why I'm even asking you," Jane explained. "You bring favourable numbers."

"I'm in then," the woman grumbled. "I have nothing better to do these days."

"Good," Jane giggled. "It's settled then. Where is Andrei right now?"

"He's finishing up some tasty girl just a ways north," the woman answered. "Carlos and Lidia are in Port Angeles right now, hunting. They'll join us without hesitation."

"Andrei shouldn't take much longer then," Demetri said. "That's good. We can get this charming event started quickly."

I tried to puzzle together in my head. They were vampires, and they knew Edward. The girl's name was Jane. That name was familiar. Stephanie had mentioned her. She couldn't be a friend though. She seemed too wicked. She must be an enemy.

If I was lucky, Stephanie had already taken off. If they were all gone, the odd threesome and their friends wouldn't stop in Forks long. And maybe we could take them down. The pack hadn't seen much action in a while. I was one of the only two new members of the group, and the rest were all old—like Dad—or at youngest, Uncle Seth's age. Thinking about that, I wasn't sure the old-timers could handle it. I certainly didn't want to see my mother fighting a vampire. She may scream louder than a banshee and was fiercer than any creature on the planet, but it would be horrifying to see her have to face one of them. Something about her being my mom made her too fragile.

"Do you smell it too?" Jane asked suddenly.

I froze. In an instant, I heard their feet move, and they were behind me, just as I spun around to face them.

Jane's eyes were wide. The woman—her dark hair flowing just over her shoulders, arms strained at her sides—had her jaw dropped in shock. The man—already paler than snow—seemed to pale more. They all looked horrified and nervous. What, had they never seen anything supernatural in their lives? Maybe vampires really couldn't see their own reflection.

"I don't believe it," Jane gasped.

"A werewolf," Demetri griped. "Way out here...?"

"I thought Caius had rid the world of the Children of the Moon?" the woman with dark hair questioned anxiously.

"Impossible," Jane said, shaking her head. "This is too big."

"And it's daytime—and there's a new moon tonight," Demetri noted.

I was baffled. Why hadn't they attacked yet? I was clearly outnumbered, so maybe they didn't care if I attacked—they would win in a fight anyway.

"It doesn't matter what it is!" the woman shrieked. "Let's just get rid of it!"

"Don't panic, Selena," Demetri soothed. "Your sister was caught surprised; the monster she faced would have not overpowered her if she had seen it coming."

"Do not underestimate them," the woman—Selena—hissed. Her hands clenched into fists, and she lowered into a crouch. "I won't let this one live. I won't this one harm one of our kind."

Selena prepared to pounce, and I readied myself to defend.

"Jared!"

I jerked my head—stupidly not paying attention to the enemies in front of me—toward the voice. I couldn't believe it. I would recognize her voice anywhere—unmistakeably hers—and yet, I had to doubt it was her. Why would she come after me?

"Jared," Stephanie called again, quieter this time, since she was close to me. She stood only a few feet behind me. Her eyes—locked on me—were relieved. Then, her eyes slid toward the others, and her eyes turned cold and furious.

"Jane, Demetri," Stephanie greeted. "And...Who are you? I don't know you."

Jane's eyes widened even more. "_This isn't possible_! _You can't be alive_!" she shrieked.

"Oh, I'm not Bella," Stephanie corrected icily. "I know that's what you're thinking, but your very, very wrong."

Jane seemed to like this. But she still had wide, frightened eyes.

"You're going to turn around Jane, go back to Italia, or wherever," Stephanie directed confidently. "Take your friends. Stop coming trying to ruin our lives here."

"I'm not sure how you know me, or why you look like her," Jane articulated. "But, no one talks to me like that."

Stephanie winced. Her arms tightened against her sides. Her eyes squeezed shut and her breathing became laboured.

"Strange," Demetri blurted. "She's not as affected by your power, Jane. She's more like Bella than she says."

"But she is still affected," Jane emphasized, grinning from ear to ear. "I can see her pain clearly."

"True," he admitted.

I felt terrible. Stephanie came looking for me—and now look what was happening to her! Some freaky vampire trick was hurting her. I knew there was nothing I could do. I remembered Jane now—from when Stephanie had told me all about Bella's life in the Fork's Cemetery. I knew that this pain was supposed to be unbearable—but that Bella had been unaffected. It seemed that Stephanie was somewhere in between unaffected and affected. I whined; that's all I could do.

I planned to lunge at Jane—to distract her—but the pain struck me before I could act. It was horrible. I could feel nothing but pain. It was so much that I couldn't remember anything but pain. I knew pain was coming—more of it—and I yelped, but nothing stopped it. The air was too painful to breathe in. The ground was pain. I was pain.

"Jared," Stephanie gasped beside me. I remembered her. I remembered she was in pain. That didn't lessen my pain—it only made it worse. But I remembered that she was in danger here, and that I couldn't focus on myself when she was in trouble.

"Stephanie!" called a soft, bell-like voice. Even strained and horrified, it was beautiful. I knew the voice. I recognized Rosalie's voice—and recognized her when she flew past me.

The pain paused; I jumped up from the ground, and scanned my surroundings. Rosalie had jumped on top of Jane. I didn't hesitate. I leaped at the vampire in front of me and began clawing at him, tearing whatever I could. He fought back, but I ignored the scrapes and the slashes. I tore out his throat with my teeth, ripped off his viscous arms, and mangled him as best I could before the sharp pain began again.

"My _arm_!" Jane squealed.

I could hear Rosalie's sweet cackle. She was panting between the cackles, between the squeals from the pain Jane was inflicting upon her. I looked to Steph—who was down on one knee, struggling to keep from crashing to the ground in agony. I, myself, was on the ground again, legs pulled in, trying to hold myself together.

* * *

I couldn't believe it. Angela's house—the mailbox with 'Cheney' on it—the car in the driveway. It was hard to imagine that we had all once been in high school together—so young, unknowing—and now, we were far apart. How had Angela's life settled into this?

"Edward, I want to go in alone," I announced, determined. "I want to speak to Angela alone."

"If that's what you want," Edward assured me. He seemed to know that I wanted to talk about more than just how Angela was going to save the day.

"I'll be quick," I promised, staring out the window at Angela's house—which was quaint, but beautiful, as far as small-town houses went. "I don't want Jared and Stephanie to get hurt."

The front door opened. Angela peeked her head out. Her hair was in a ponytail—but it was very much the same. She wore a gray sweater—nothing fancy. Her frown was clear from where I was. I got out of the car and looked back once at Edward. He smiled at me, encouragingly. I nodded, smiling, and then went up the driveway, at a pace that was as human as I could manage. It was more like a fast walk than a gentle stroll up to someone's front door.

"Hi," I greeted softly.

"Hi," she said. A smile twitched to her lips. She shook her head, and welcomed me inside with a quick gesture of her arm. She closed the door behind me.

The name clicked then. Cheney; Angela had married Ben Cheney.

* * *

**Review! Please!**


	7. Angela

"_**Dreams die hard and you hold them in your hand long after they've turned to dust." – From the movie 'Dragon Heart'.  
**_

* * *

Chapter 7: Angela.

Her home had that homey feel. It was small, and crowded. The furniture looked old, but well kept. I was surprised to see all the picture frames flipped down. There wasn't a speck of dust on anything, so I couldn't tell if she had flipped them down recently or not. I hoped that they had somehow fallen over—irrational, but—I hated to think she wanted to hide from the memories clipped inside the frames.

Angela gestured to me to sit down. Courteously, I took a seat across from her. I wasn't sure where to start. I didn't want to get right into the difficult request—that might seem rude. Maybe I could start up with something positive?

"Angela Cheney. So you married Ben?" I asked. I was happy to hear that their relationship had worked out; they had seemed perfect for each other, from what I could remember.

"Yes," she grumbled. "I married him. But ignore the last name—it will be officially changed soon enough."

"Divorce?" I tried to suppress my gasp. I was more than a little surprised.

She nodded her head. "He's still crazy over me, and some days I still love him more than anything," she admitted. "But I can't deal with his accusations and his problems—and he can't deal with mine."

I looked around the room. I couldn't hear any other heartbeat—besides hers, which was unusually fast. It sounded different than any heartbeat I had ever heard.

"Where is he now?"

"He moved to Colorado, with Suzie," Angela answered grouchily. "The custody deal is out of whack. He gets her for the whole summer. I don't see why I have to have her through the school year. Am I not allowed vacation time with my daughter? He gets every other Christmas. That cuts my time considerably."

I nodded my head along. How had Angela's life gotten so off-track? Had she expected this outcome? I doubted it. A girl's dreams never consisted of divorce and custody plans for their child.

"I'm sorry," Angela sighed. "I should keep my worries to myself."

"No, Angela, please," I pleaded. "We're friends, you can..." No, that was wrong. I used the wrong pretence.

"Bella, we _were_ friends," Angela amended. "You died though. And then, you didn't feel the need to tell me you resurrected?"

"I'm sorry." And I was. I knew it probably hurt her. Angela was my only true human friend, one of the only people to see me through my own personal dark ages. "I wanted to tell you—but I also didn't. I wanted to keep you out of the mythological mess of my existence."

She laughed—more like cackled. Her long hair moved over her shoulders. She tucked a strand behind her ear. Suddenly, her shyness returned, and—besides the laugh lines, the wrinkles in the corners of her eyes—she looked like the Angela I remembered.

She stood up. She walked over to the closest flipped picture frame. She lifted it up, and there was another frame beneath it. She examined it for a minute. I glimpsed the photo, recognizing it as a picture from graduation.

"To be honest, Bella," she said quietly. "You were my only real friend in high school."

I was shocked by this news. Had she not been friends with Jessica, Lauren, Mike, Ben? Weren't there others before me, and after me? She had hung around with them before I had showed up in Forks.

"I sort of clung to Jessica's group...but I don't know if you could call us 'friends'," she explained. "She invited me in." She shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't want to be alone, so, I stuck with her. Every once in a while someone out of Jessica's group would forget to include me in an outing. That's when I knew for sure. I thought I was too different to be part of the normal high school crowd." She laughed, rolled her eyes. "I only found out later—after you died, actually—that I am too different."

Angela put the picture frame down and turned to face me.

"So it's true," I realized. "Alice sent me...she said you're a...witch."

Her eyes sparkled. "You could say that."

"What do you mean?" I pulled my eyebrows together in confusion. Were straight answers that difficult to give?

"Have you ever met my parents, Bella?" Angela asked. I shook my head. "My dad remarried. My mother died in child-birth. I didn't found out for a while that it was entirely my fault."

I frowned. "I don't understand."

"My father, he left her before the Cullens came back, so there was no way they could know," Angela continued, ignoring my question. "Mom remarried. I was never the wiser. I thought my parents were my real parents for years. It was only a couple years after you died that my _real_ father came back. He told me everything—everything I didn't want to know."

Angela hung her head. Slowly, she lowered herself into the chair behind her. Her eyes shot up to meet mine; there was a deep, horrified sadness there. I gently took her hand, leaning forward slightly. I was glad that this motion didn't feel out of place at all. It was natural. She thanked me with a tentative smile.

"My father is a vampire," she whispered hoarsely.

"That isn't possible," I muttered under my breath—quiet enough that she wouldn't hear. I stroked her hand, hoping she couldn't feel the hesitance in my touch.

"Giving birth to a half-vampire baby was too much for my real mother. She died." Angela closed her eyes tightly, fighting back tears. "I saw a picture of her. She looked exactly like me."

"I'm sorry," I consoled.

"Daddy dearest explained everything to me," Angela spat, bitterness, and hate as tangible as venom in her voice. "I learned about the Volturi, about the rules, about what I am, and about what you are now." Her eyes settled downward, staring at my hand. "The reason you came back from the dead, I still don't know. But I saw Stephanie, and I could sense something was up. And then, not so long after that, I saw you again, and Edward's car." She giggled. "Okay, a new version. But, nonetheless, I knew it had to be you too."

"Good guess," I complimented dryly. I knew coming into town had been a bad idea, but I needed some familiarity after Charlie's funeral.

"I don't guess, I know."

"What does that mean?" I knew there had to be something more; the certainty in her eyes was proof of it.

She sighed. "It's a...gift. I always had it—but I've perfected it recently." She drew her eyes up slowly. "Trite human things are harder, but if I want to, I can know. I can know when Ben's plane will land. I can know the exact time Suzie falls asleep, before it's the time."

"Are you psychic?"

"No, I just can know things. It's hard to explain."

"Yes," I smirked. "And it's difficult to understand."

She smiled back at me. "I know why you're here, Bella. But, still, even though you come to ask a favour, I'm glad you came. I've missed you."

"I missed you too," I realized. I folded both of my hands around hers.

"Jared is going to meet up with four vampires in less than one hour," she recited. "The phone is going to ring—now." The phone rang. "It's Alice."

I snapped the phone to my ear. "Alice? Jared is going to meet up with the others in less than one hour."

I heard her whisper something, she was talking to Jasper. I heard her growl, and then her voice came back.

"How did you know it was me?" she wondered.

"Angela knows things," I said. I shrugged and Angela giggled.

"I told you to trust me," Alice bragged.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Alice. You're always right."

Angela gasped suddenly. "Jane."

I dropped the phone.

Angela darted to the phone, pressing it to her ear. She spoke quickly, but I was barely paying attention.

"It's a vampire named Jane, and two others are facing the werewolf, Stephanie, and Rosalie right now."

"Are there others?" I heard Alice ask.

"There will be one more coming very shortly. Emmett will arrive shortly. I don't understand how, but—they're all in pain right now. But Jane is...a little short handed, thanks to Rosalie."

Angela's grin snapped me back into reality. Short-handed? That had to be a good sign. But, if it was Jane, then they needed my help. I was the only one Jane's talent didn't work on. I needed to get to them—soon. Rosalie and Emmett wouldn't be able to fight back. Maybe Stephanie would have inherited some resistance, so she might be okay. But Jared wouldn't be able to handle the pain. I could still remember Edward's face, the pain Jane had inflicted.

"Angela, I have to go," I said, snapping up from the chair.

"Wait," Angela pleaded. "Let me come with you. I might be able to help."

I thought about it. "No. You could get hurt. This Jane, she's dangerous. And I don't know about these other three."

"I can protect myself," she assured me. "I told you. I'm half of what you are. I'm not so fragile."

"No," I insisted, shaking my head. "I don't want to put anyone in more danger than they need to be."

Which reminded me...How was I going to convince Edward to stay away? He wouldn't let me go alone—but I couldn't protect him from Jane.

"I'm coming," Angela insisted.

"Angela—"

"Bella, friends help friends," Angela argued. "I know it's stupid, but I have nothing better to do, and I'm going to go insane, staying in this house all alone. With Suzie and Ben gone...I need to get out of here. I need to work out my problems, and ripping off someone's head sounds good right now."

I flinched at that. I really didn't want to have to decapitate anyone. Would I have to do that to stop Jane?

"Let's go," Angela said. I was surprised by her speed. She was by the door in an instant. My eyes could follow her, but her speed was inhuman. Maybe she could help?

"I don't think this is a good idea," I grumbled.

"I think it is," Angela grinned. "Trust me, Bella. You're doing me a favour—not the other way around."

I puzzled over this strange meeting. Angela had been mad at me—and now she was going to risk her life to help me save the lives of my family? I felt that Angela and I were good friends—but did she really feel so strongly? I didn't want to risk her life—but I didn't want to risk the lives of my family—and Edward's life. With Jane there, I was terrified. If I had a little more support—a psychic (more or less) who wasn't blocked by a werewolf being present might be helpful. Would that give us enough edge?

"Are you sure, Angela?" I was hoping she would change her mind—but also hoping she wouldn't. I wanted her help—but I didn't want her to be put in danger needlessly.

She nodded. "I'm sure."

"Then, let's go," I sighed.

Angela's grin widened. Why it was every vampire— or half-vampire— I met was so found of fighting? It seemed all the members of the supernatural world except me had this pull to battle.

Edward eyed me, and then Angela. For a split second he seemed confused, but he must have read Angela's mind because the confusion left his expression. He was out of the Volvo in a second, standing beside me.

"Where to, Angela?" I asked.

"Hm, Jared was headed south...but I think he re-routed..." Angela closed her eyes. "He's 20 miles north of where we are." Her eyes snapped open. "Jane's angry. We should hurry."

I turned to Edward. "You should go tell Alice," I suggested, hoping to keep him away from Jane as long as possible.

"Alice already knows," Angela assured me.

Secretly, I really wanted to glare at Angela. She was great and all, but she had rendered my excuse useless.

Edward could see what I was doing. I wasn't that sneaky. He took my hand.

"You could warn Alice," he said softly.

I rolled my eyes. "Let's go," I groaned. "Bring on the fancy fighting. I'll take on Jane—since I can actually stand up to her without being tortured." I winced. How could I allow Angela to be brought closer to a vampire who would pain her? And could I really allow Edward to experience that pain again?

Before another second of thought could be put into how to excuse Edward from facing Jane, we were off. There was no time to waste. If Rosalie, Stephanie, and Jared were in pain, we had to help them.

I could only hope we could make it in time. But doubt was in my mind. Alice's vision—had it changed at all? Would this really be the death of Jared Black? And, after that, how would Stephanie survive? And—Rosalie's guilt...She was so attached to Stephanie...This could crumble us permanently.

* * *

Why could Jane leave us alone? Why was it that I attracted so much devastation? Was it so impossible to find a happily ever after? Somehow, for some reason, I was a danger magnet even after I had died. I put everyone around me in danger. This time, if we didn't win, if we didn't get rid of Jane for good, there would be no chance of recovering. A tad bit dramatic, maybe, but it was true. Jane would ruin what little paradise I had again.

I could feel my insides splitting apart—even though I knew that was impossible. Jane was across from me, nowhere near close enough to be attacking me physically. I knew it was all in my head, but it didn't _feel_ that way.

Why the heck had Jared run away? Why couldn't he have stayed put? Why did he have to be so irrational? I had to protect him from me. Why was he such an idiot? If he had gone back to La Push, I would have moved away and come back to him later...or never. It didn't really matter. He wouldn't be in half as much pain as he was now.

But no, he couldn't make things easy. He had to put on a hissy fit, make me feel guilty, and draw in Jane and her lackeys.

I tried to push the guilt from my mind—blame Jared—but it didn't work. I knew it was my fault. I was selfish and worthless and stupid and undeserving and perpetually inconsolable. If Jared knew those things about me, maybe he would give up on me. I was so damn unwinnable, and he liked the challenge. He was nuts.

I was going to lose him, all because I had made another mistake. Why was I so prone to stupidity? I had no luck at all. It was so typically me that I would fall in love with a _werewolf_ whose stinking blood smelled like sweet ambrosia, and then I would force him into running away to meet up with the little menace vampire _Jane_ who despised my half-sister.

Was anyone else's life this messed up? I didn't think so.

"Ah, shit, fuck," muttered Demetri. "That firkin werewolf took off my arms!"

"Get over it," Selena growled, just a little short of breath. "That bitch just put a serious dent in my throat. Personally, I like being able to breathe and holding my head up."

I opened my eyes—realizing I had closed them—and looked at the woman I had attacked. I had taken a good chunk out of her neck. She was trying to reattach it now. I had to laugh, being proud of myself, when I watched her struggle. Her head flopped all over the place on its own. She had to hold it up with her hand.

Rosalie was on the ground, but she was still cackling away. Jane was furious. Her missing arm dragged itself forward, crawling toward her.

I wanted to do something. But I was helpless. My fingers dug into the ground. I could feel the earth beneath my fingernails—feel my grip slipping. I was almost doubled-over. I couldn't take much more. I half wanted to dismantle myself, as if that would help take the sting out of the suffering. It was so much—I could barely concentrate long enough to plan what to do.

I knew I had to try and take out Jane. If I could get her out of the picture, the others would be easy to handle. I was the only one here that could do anything. I was just slightly resistant and that would be enough—just as soon as I got up enough will to move an inch forward. I needed to move. Once I could to that, I could save Jared and Rosalie.

I tried to shift my ankle, but I felt myself teeter forward, and my face hit the cold leaves. I was on the ground. My eyes shifted over to Jared. He was quivering, releasing furious tremors of agony. His fur stood on end. His paws were clawing at the ground, trying to get a grip, same as me—but there was nothing to hold onto. It was impossible to maintain a single thought of sanity.

I looked to Rosalie. Her laughing had stopped. It must have been too much for her. Panic stretched over her flawless features. Even contorted in malaise, she was an exquisite beauty.

Seeing them in pain—people I loved more than my life—doubled the pain. Their pain, my pain; it was all the same. Only it was magnified.

"I wonder if the mind-reader is close by," Selena wondered aloud. "It could save us a trip."

"Sounds wonderful," Jane agreed. She sounded perturbed still. Her arm wasn't reattached yet.

"Let me kill this wolf first," Demetri growled. I couldn't seem him from where I was, but he sounded really pissed off.

I was afraid for Jared. I couldn't allow him to be killed. I couldn't let Demetri so much as lay a finger on him. Even the threats were offensive. It was as if he had already hurt him, although I knew Jared had done more damage to him.

I was also scared for Rosalie. If Jane would let up she could easily win, but Jane wasn't about to play fair. Jane was going to kill Rosalie. There was no doubt in my mind that Jane was vengeful. Why else would she have killed Bella all those years ago?

"I call killing the blonde," Selena laughed.

"No!" Jane snapped, her eyes reeling toward Rosalie. "She's mine. And so is the other one."

Selena flinched away from Jane, but began muttering under her breath when Jane turned away.

"I'll let you do whatever you want to the rest of them," Jane promised her. "They'll come after us, to avenge the death of the blonde."

"That is at least a little exciting," Selena allowed.

"As long as the werewolf is mine—" And then Demetri's voice cut off, and he was growling and rasping.

The pain let up, just fractionally. I got up on one knee, and lunged myself forward. I grabbed the first enemy I could find. I tried to injure Selena, but she was stronger than me. I bit her, knowing that was the best damage I could inflict. She snarled at me, but shoved me back. The agony increased, and I knew I was stuck on the ground again. I tried to find what could have caused the distraction.

He was hard to miss. Seeing him brought me relief—and then more agony. Of course Emmett would come to Rosalie's rescue—of course he'd want in on the action. But it wasn't fair. Another person I loved had to endure a vexatious affliction.

"I wasn't told there was a brawny one," Selena rasped. "How many of them are there, exactly?"

"Seven—but eight, if you count that look-a-like," Demetri answered. "Is she part of them?"

His question was directed at Jane. She had no answer for him though. I could see her neck, slowly reattaching. Emmett had left a small incision. Impressive, but not enough.

"I wonder if the others are on their way," Selena considered. "How many more surprise attacks are to be expected?"

Selena suddenly perked up. Her smile turned soft, and her head pivoted to the east. She was eagerly stepping toward that direction. She stopped and sighed.

"I was wondering when you'd come," she whispered.

"I picked up the wolf's scent, and these others," a new, deep voice said. "I wanted to make sure you were safe."

"I am," she said. "Now."

I stared up at the new figure. He was big, tall, with long dark hair. He had the pale skin, the purplish bruises, and the sweet scent, so I knew he was definitely one of them. His dark cloak was the final clue. He was part of their group, and he looked tough. I don't mean bad guy tough, but I mean dark, brooding and powerful tough.

Even with Jane's influence over me, I found I could use my power. I searched through this newcomer's memories. I was horrified by the end, but I kept peering, trying to find any weaknesses.

Selena was his mate, and so he would defend her. He might take revenge against me for hurting him. I didn't care about the pain he would inflict on me, I just cared what he might do to the others. So I looked for some reason that the Volturi would want him. I knew Selena had ability to control birds, and small animals, nothing particularly dangerous. But he had to have something about him.

I was right. I was terrified, knowing that he was the perfect weapon against his own kind. I could see all the many times he had used his power for similar situations. Jane could stop torturing us, Demetri could put himself together without interruption, and Selena wouldn't have to lift a finger. This man would burn us alive.

"Which one of them hurt you," the man asked, his deep voice, rich and seductive. His words, though simple, were smooth as poetry. The way his stood, somehow, also was poetic—poetry in motion.

"Her," Selena declared confidently, nodding her head toward me. "Vicious little creature."

His eyes, brilliant red, and fuming, peered at me. He was the most frightening vampire I had ever seen. Even in from Bella's memories, from the time she faced James, from the time she watched Victoria battle Edward, it wasn't nearly close to the fear I felt. This vampire was like Dracula—he held some regal claim to power. His skin was chalky. He was an old vampire, from what I could tell. His mate was very young compared to him.

"Andrei, don't kill her quickly," Selena suggested. "I think all of them should suffer a little more. Jane has it under control."

Her mate nodded. The threat was gone from his eyes momentarily. I heard a growl beside me. Jared obviously was upset that this new vampire has his eyes set on me.

"The big one startled us, but he's no trouble now," Selena continued. "As long as we don't get surprised again, this should be fun." Her lips thinned over her white teeth. Her smile was awful. She looked like a menace—and she wasn't pretty enough to really hold the same seduction as her mate. She just looked like a monster.

"We should kill them though," Jane said, sounding tired. Was it possible for her powers to wear out?

"But how?" Demetri pondered. "They caused us a bit of trouble...so not something quick."

"Let me take over, Jane," Andrei suggested, his lips spreading into a grin.

Jane shrugged. "Fine. Don't drag it out too much. The others could—"

Jane's voice was cut off by a loud chorus of howls. I closed my eyes, and had never been so thankful that I had fallen in love with a werewolf. Because werewolves have friends.

* * *

**Review, please! Oh, and yeah, I know, vampires are friends too. But, hey. Not all vampires are guaranteed packs.**


	8. Jacob

"**I killed thee ere I killed thee. No way but this, killing myself, to die upon a kiss." – Othello: Act 5, Scene 2, lines 369-370.**

* * *

**Chapter 8: "Jacob..."**

* * *

_"He's dying," Stephanie sobbed._

_"There's nothing I can do," Carlisle said slowly._

_I felt my knees buckle. With all my strength, I still couldn't hold myself up. What was the use of being a vampire if I couldn't even stand up straight?_

_"I didn't see this coming," Alice said, feeling guilty, even though it wasn't her fault. She closed her eyes and turned to hide her face, leaning against Jasper for support._

_"We should back off," Rosalie suggested. She and Emmett pulled far back. Alice and Jasper followed them slowly._

_Stephanie's hand slowly touched Jared's back. He was shaking, both with fury and with despair. His head shot back, howling with unfathomable pain. The ensemble of strained howls sounded off in a garbled, terrified harmony. The sadness in the tone sharpened the ache. My still heart protested against the hurt. I felt the spasm of memories shoot at me. All memories I thought I had moved past. But was it really possible to forget my best friend?_

_"Jacob," I cried. I wanted to reach toward him. "Jacob, Jacob..."_

* * *

"Something has changed," Alice announced. Her pace quickened.

"What's changed?" Esme asked; worry clear in her wide eyes. "Is someone else going to get hurt?"

"I don't know what happens," Alice sighed. She closed her eyes for a second, looking drained. She was putting too much pressure on herself.

I tried to ease the atmosphere, but she still seemed worried. Esme's mood shifted though. She was more hopeful. I could feel Carlisle's mood shift as well. Only Alice remained pessimistic.

"It will be fine," I assured her. "Angela said there were only four of them, and there are nine of us."

"True," Alice agreed. "But, with Jane there, that leaves only Bella."

We both knew what that meant. We didn't want to count on Bella. She couldn't handle four vampires. She hadn't had to defend herself before, so she couldn't have enough skill. Strategically, the best outcome would require Bella to take out Jane. But, that was unlikely since Jane was probably trained and Bella was not.

We were rushing into danger, and there was nothing I could do to convince Alice to stay behind. I knew she would want to come, and she would never be happy staying behind. I knew she could take care of herself if the circumstances were different. But, with things as they were, I wasn't sure how to protect her.

"Edward and Bella are ahead of us," Alice said. "They disappear...in one minute...so they should meet up with Jane then. Hopefully Bella will be able to do something about Jane."

I wasn't that hopeful, and I knew Alice wasn't either. Esme was, but Carlisle held the same perspective I did. We couldn't count on Bella for this. She was inexperienced.

Time was running out. We would reach the point where Alice's insight vanished soon. Once that point was reached, there would be nothing to count on—no stability—no certainty. I couldn't count on Alice's safety. I couldn't be sure that we would make it out of this scrap alive. The only guarantee was that Jane would render us useless quickly. If I could surprise her, I could immobilize her, but could she use her ability when her body was broken? When her head was detached? I couldn't trust that her power would fail. And then there were the others...They might assist Jane, prevent me from removing her.

I ran through nine different possible strategies, but all of them ended with the possibility that Jane would still be able to fight back. We weren't protected.

I wished that Edward had allowed Bella to learn how to defend herself. We needed her now, to be able to protect us all. It was impossible to deal with Jane otherwise.

We weren't far now. As soon as Alice had envisioned what Angela had told Bella and Edward, we had taken off after them. They weren't too far ahead. Chances were they would meet up with Jane before us. Angela was surprisingly fast, and she knew the exact location. We had to follow their scent.

Edward's and Bella's scents were the easiest to pick up. Angela's was lined with human blood, so I had to swallow back the venom that built up in my mouth. I had forgotten that Angela's blood smelled so tempting. Not as tempting as Bella's had been, but still, strong enough.

I picked up a new scent—not of our kind.

"Whoa," Alice gasped.

"What is it?" I asked. Was it some chance that Jane was out of the picture?

"My range of blindness expanded," she explained. "The werewolves have come to the rescue, making me blinder. That doesn't help us much, but I think we could use this to our advantage."

"With them as a distraction, we could sneak in, maybe get Jane before she notices us," I suggested. It was risky, but it might be manageable.

"The fourth has joined them," Alice grumbled. "This isn't good. I don't like the look of him."

"Have Edward and Bella met found them yet?" Esme piped.

Alice shook her head. "But they will soon. Any second now..."

* * *

There, ahead of us, the Quileute wolves gathered around the four vampires, snarling. They barely had a chance to attack before Jane immobilized them. Jane's surprise was clear on her face. Demetri, mangled, trying to put himself together, was paused. He was in mid-sentence when they had arrived. The newest vampire, Andrei, was more surprised than the rest of them. I saw inside his mind; he was remembering when he had faced a fierce pack of the Children of the Moon in Europe. He had barely escaped with his life. He was as terrified of werewolves as Caius was.

"Are we almost there?" Bella asked.

"Almost," Angela whispered. "They're up ahead."

Bella looked worried. I wished I could assure her, but what could I say? I knew how Jane frightened her.

Memories returned to me, flashing and ebbing at the sore spots in my mind. The most painful memory, of when I had lost Bella...That was Jane's fault.

* * *

_"Bella, don't give up, please. Bella, please. Carlisle is coming. Wait; be strong, just until then."_

_I held Bella close. Her weakened bloodied body was barely breathing. Her lungs shook with the effort of inhaling._

_"Edward," Alice whispered; her voice hoarse and strained. I looked at her, she shook her head. I saw in her head—I saw the ending she saw._

_"That's not going to happen Alice!" I refused to believe that was even a possibility. Carlisle was coming. He could help her. He had to._

_"I'm sorry," Alice sobbed._

_"Bella, you're going to be okay," I promised her. I wasn't sure if she could hear me. She couldn't keep her eyes open. Sweat drenched her forehead. She was so pale. "Bella, please."_

_She coughed. I tried to pretend for myself that she could recover. I tried to forget all I knew about the possible survival conditions for the human body. I tried to tell myself that she would live—but my mind wouldn't listen to me. The blood leaving her body, paling her pallor even more—she couldn't recover._

_She heaved in another breath. She struggled to open her eyes. She clung to me, with all her strength. There was no strength there though, her fingers slipped from her hold on me. I clung to her closer._

_"Promise me," she rasped; her voice was so weak, so quiet that I had to strain to hear. "Promise, no Volturi, Edward. Stay alive."_

_"You're going to live, Bella," I protested, knowing what she was trying to tell me._

_"Edward, please. Stay alive, for me. Please," she begged._

_"I promise."_

* * *

"Edward?"

I was pulled into the present. Bella was alive.

I hadn't hid my pain very well. I could tell, from Bella's voice, that she could see it. She grabbed my hand.

"I won't let Jane hurt you," I vowed.

"And I won't her hurt you," she promised.

She sounded confident, but I knew better. There was apprehension in her darkening eyes. Her fear was obvious, and I couldn't blame her for not trusting me. As much as I wanted to assure her that Jane wouldn't touch her, Jane was a formidable enemy, with the ability to stop me before I could lay a hand on her.

At least I could be confident knowing that Bella could defend herself now, if I failed.

"We're here," I announced quietly. Bella's breathing stopped. I gently squeezed her hand.

_Who is this girl that looks like Bella_? Jane wondered. _How are there so many of these creatures_? _Are they working together_? _Was this how they defeated that large group of newborns so many years ago_?

Jane was quick—I'd give her that much of compliment—but I wasn't going to give her the chance to figure anything out. She was going to die today. Aro wouldn't protect her this time.

_Not another one of those creatures_, the one named Andrei thought in fear. He remembered his last encounter with one of their kind. His ability hadn't come in quick enough, and he had been almost killed. Having him fearful gave us an advantage, however small.

_Andrei hates them_, Selena thought. _I won't be able to count on him if he freezes up_..._I'll have to defend him_.

Selena was his mate—and she was a fighter. She was strong. If Jane incapacitated me, then Bella would be in danger of those two—Andrei and Selena.

Demetri was cursing, thinking of only Jared. He wouldn't be a problem. He was tied up at the moment, piecing himself together. Jared had done a good job on that.

_Jane will die today_, Angela thought.

It wasn't her own emotions clouding her vision; it was her gift of knowing. I felt confidence in that. If Jane died, then it was guaranteed that Bella would be safe. Once Jane was taken care of, the others wouldn't be too difficult to eradicate.

"They're here," Demetri announced glumly. His eyes shot up, finding our exact location without any difficulty. A smile spread suddenly to his lips. His laughter shocked his companions. "Jane, you might want to allow them to come out before you take any action. There's something you'll want to see."

I took in a shaky breath. This was what I been afraid of. The advantage that Jane didn't know about Bella's revival could also be very dangerous for Bella.

Jane didn't listen to Demetri. _What could I possibly want to see_? Jane thought.

Angela shrieked in surprise of the piercing agony Jane shot at us. I was knocked to the ground immediately, and the pain took all thoughts of planning away.

"Edward!" Bella screamed.

_No_, Jane thought.

"Edward," Bella cried, trying to comfort me, but she found herself useless. She released me out of her grip.

"Stop hurting him," Bella demanded.

Jane's eyes were wide. Her mouthed popped open and closed, trying to form words. _No_, _no_, _no_, _no_.

"Did you not hear me?" Bella snarled. "Stop it!"

"You were dead," Jane whispered; her breathing staggered. "I heard your heart stop."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, tough. I've alive. Now stop it!"

Bella was panicking. She hated seeing the pain Jane was inflicting.

"NO!" Jane shrieked. "YOU WERE _DEAD_! YOU CAN'T BE ALIVE! NO, NO, _NO_!"

"Well, I AM," Bella rasped. Jane was startling, and her fierce eyes caused Bella to flinch backward. "Stop hurting them!"

"_No_," Jane breathed. Somehow, the pain worsened. Somehow, I was able to forget everything—my past, my present, my Bella—and only remember the pain. I searched for Bella, for my memories of her, but the pain was all I could find. I searched for anything to hold on to.

"EDWARD!"

And everything stopped. It took a second to register what had happened. I felt the ease of oxygen flowing into my lungs. I knew what had happened, despite the impossibility of it.

_No_—_it's not_—_it can't be_—_impossible!_

I jumped to Bella's side. She looked at me with wide eyes. Her breathing was laboured.

"How?" she asked.

"You're doing it," I explained.

"I can't be," she protested. "Can I?"

She shook her head. "It's so weird. I can feel it...like I'm...it's hard to describe. It's like...like I'm stretching a magical, protective balloon over you. I know that sounds stupid, so don't laugh at that. But I feel like it's going to pop any second now."

"Well, you are keeping Jane from touching Edward, me, Rosalie, Emmett, and the wolves right now," Angela told me. "That takes a lot of concentration. So, don't slip up."

Bella laughed nervously. "Huh, thanks, Angela."

"Jared," Stephanie sighed, smiling weakly. She was still down on one knee, paralyzed by Jane's influence. Bella's shield wasn't wide enough to cover her. But Jared was safe.

"I'm afraid to stretch it anymore," Bella confessed guiltily. "It might collapse."

Stephanie crawled backward, wincing with every breath, every movement. But, soon she was right next to Jared, and Bella's power protected her.

Stephanie grinned, relieved. Her arms stretched around Jared, squeezing him a suffocating grip. Jared wheezed.

"You dumb, dumb, stupid, idiot," she sobbed into his shoulder. "You moronic, fury blockhead. Why did you have to do something so hebetudinous? You are thick-headed and dense, Jared Black, and I love you. I love you and I swear to God—if there is a God—I swear on my sister's grave—I swear that I am never going to leave you. And if you ever run off again I swear to kill you myself."

"What's going on?" Andrei demanded. "Jane?"

"I-I can't touch them," she stuttered, still wide-eyed—completely terrified.

"Useless," Andrei growled.

"They shouldn't be able to resist," Selena gasped. "They shouldn't be able to _move_."

"Bella is alive," Jane whispered. "I killed her...but she's _alive_."

"And she can stop you," Andrei stated sourly. "But can she stop me?"

"I don't know," Jane admitted. "It's possible."

"There's no harm in trying," Demetri suggested. His arms were attached again.

_Is she protecting the wolves too_? was Andrei's only thought. The situation with the wolves was all that mattered to him.

_Let's take the scary guy out first_, Leah suggested.

_Quil and I will take him out_, _Embry will be our back-up_, Jacob ordered. _Seth_, _take care of the wounded one_.

_I never have any fun_, Seth complained.

_Leah_, _you back him up_, Jacob directed, trying to keep her out of it as much as possible. _Be careful_.

_You too_, Leah thought.

The other wolves moaned at that. Their minds were flooded with thoughts they labelled as 'mushy garbage'.

I could still read the minds of those inside and outside of Bella's protective circle. I tried to read Bella's mind, but I was still blocked.

Jacob looked at me. _Is he dangerous_?

I knew who he was picturing; I nodded.

How about the other guy?

"Seth can handle him," I assured Jacob. Seth wheezed a low bark in approval.

_You bet I can_, Seth bragged.

_No more hesitation then_, Jacob agreed. _Seth_, _you take down the wounded one quickly, and then you and Jared can take the girl_. Jacob's eyes turned to me again. _Can you cope with the puny one_?

I didn't need to be a mind-reader to know what he was doing. He had reserved Jane's punishment for me to deliver. I was grateful. I was going to enjoy annihilating her for good.

I gave him a quick nod. "It will be my pleasure," I said, hoping he would understand I was thanking him. We both despised Jane, for what she had done, for taking Bella's life away—for taking Bella away from us.

_Go_, Jacob ordered.

"Stay here, and keep your concentration," I told Bella. I kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes.

"Be careful," Bella whispered.

I lunged at Jane. She screamed and clawed at me, but she didn't have enough speed to escape me.

"I'm sorry I can drag this out," I whispered, a tad more seductively than I had intended to be.

Jane muttered uncontrollably, and tried to get free of my grip. We struggled around for a second, but I had her. I touched my jaw to her neck, and I wrenched her head off her shoulders. And I really did wish I had a way to torture her, but I knew what Bella would think of that. Taking Jane's life relieved some of the pain of the memory. It couldn't happen again—that was certain now.

Selena proved to be a fiercer fighter than I had expected. She injured an unsuspecting Embry, and took a sharp swipe at Seth. Demetri dislodged Seth's shoulder. They were both very good fighters. I hadn't seen enough of their minds to predict their skill. I had thought Demetri was simply good at finding people. That was an incorrect assumption.

Emmett was fighting with Rosalie, telling her to let him into the fight, but arguing that she had to stay safely next to Bella. Emmett eventually gave up on Rosalie and launched himself at Demetri. It took a few moments, but Emmett got the advantage, and tore Demetri to shreds.

Andrei caught his victims on fire. He was able to light people of fire with his mind. It was strange power, but very deadly, especially to a vampire. The wolves howled when the fire singed at their fur and skin. They rolled over, while another wolf continued on the attack. Andrei wasn't as skilled a fighter as his companions, and his terror of the wolves sent his mind reeling in panic. However, it made his attacks more wild and savage. When the wolves got close enough to him, he tried to rip at them and bite them. Our venom was poison to the wolves; they had to stay away from his snapping jaws.

All this happened in less than a minute. But, as the minute ended, the confidence and the advantage we had fizzled out. Within one second, the mood shifted dramatically. All heads turned, and the sharp moan of the wolves confirmed the tragedy.

Jared lunged at Andrei, and Selena rushed to his rescue, seeing her mate in danger. Jacob acted quickly, seeing Selena when Jared didn't. With a sharp and precise movement, Selena's hand stabbed deeply through Jared's back and Jacob jumped in the way of her teeth. Her jaw closed around Jacob's shoulder. Jacob's paw cleanly sliced off Selena's head. I could see the blood coming from Selena's decapitated head. The gob of flesh her mouth was a portion of Jacob's shoulder.

"Selena!" Andrei roared. He swiped at Leah, who was in front of him, shoving her to the ground. He seemed to be just as strong as Emmett.

Andrei swept up Selena's motionless body in his arms and scooped up her head. He snarled angrily, shaking his head in despair.

"Selena," he cried.

Andrei's eyes fell over Jacob's crumpled form. Jacob was suffering from tremors of pain, and it wasn't because of Jane. Venom had gotten into his system. A lot of it.

_I'm going to tear you head off_, _you filthy mongrel_, Andrei thought. He gently laid Selena's body down and then moved to Jacob's side and readied himself to carry out his thoughts.

Stephanie grabbed his arm and snapped it behind his back. Jared's jaw bit off a portion of Andrei's thigh. Andrei growled and threw Stephanie off him, bending her elbow in an unnatural direction to do so. Jared snapped at Andrei, furious at him for the injury he caused.

Emmett tried to incapacitate Andrei, but Emmett was caught up in a sudden flaming storm. Rosalie assisted in putting out the flames that burned Emmett's skin.

I didn't hesitate in taking Emmett's place. Andrei saw me coming, but, I could predict his moves, so it was easy to be where he didn't expect me.

Andrei fell to the ground—what was left of him, in any case. The scattered pieces of his body were gathered, along with Jane's and Selena's remains. It took a while to gather up Demetri—Emmett had gone a little overboard.

"How much did we miss?"

I caught Alice talking to Bella.

"Um, a lot," Bella piped. Her eyes were wide, scanning to see if there was anymore more need for alarm.

"You can relax now, Bella," Angela laughed. "There are no more bad guys."

"That's good," Bella sighed. She relaxed.

"Jared, are you okay? She really took a heap out of you," Stephanie said. And she wasn't exaggerating. Jared was seriously wounded. If he were any normal large wolf, he would be dead.

The wolves gathered together, going through who was wounded and who was fine. Their thoughts vanished. They were completely silent.

"Jacob?" Stephanie gasped in a voice too high for her, startling all of us.

"He must have venom in his wound," Carlisle observed, taking a closer look. Leah, Jared, and Stephanie crowded beside him.

"Can't we take it out?" Stephanie questioned—her voice still too high.

Carlisle shook his head.

"Why not?" Bella asked. Her voice sounded dead, with no tone of life to it. I could see in her eyes how numb she was. "Edward did it with me, why not Jacob?"

"It's too late," Carlisle explained. "Maybe if we had got at it right away...But it's impossible now. Any attempt would just quicken the rate in which the venom is spreading."

The jumble of Jacob's thoughts was unbearable to sift through. I tried to block out the suffering, but the mood in the air intensified. Jasper backed up, wincing. I could feel the pain without having his ability—so I couldn't imagine what he was feeling. Every face was either in shock or the void of hope.

Except Bella; Bella's face was empty. Her eyes were empty. I stood by her and touched her cheek.

"Bella," I murmured.

She looked at me. Emotion fleeted across her face. Her eyes darted to where Jacob lay, his body stopped trembling.

"Oh, no," she mumbled. She bit her lip and shut her eyes tightly. "Edward...He's not...dead...is he?"

I shook my head. "But he will be."

"We can't save him," she whispered hoarsely.

"No, we can't," I answered.

The numbness left her. Her hands gripped me, and her breathing stopped.

* * *

"He's dying," Stephanie sobbed.

"There's nothing I can do," Carlisle said slowly.

I felt my knees buckle. With all my strength, I still couldn't hold myself up. What was the use of being a vampire if I couldn't even stand up straight?

"I didn't see this coming," Alice said, feeling guilty, even though it wasn't her fault. She closed her eyes and turned to hide her face, leaning against Jasper for support.

"I thought it was Jared," Alice continued. "How could I have seen...How could I know...?" Her features crumpled with the torment she was going through.

"We should back off," Rosalie suggested. She and Emmett pulled far back. Alice and Jasper followed them slowly.

Stephanie's hand slowly touched Jared's back. The distress in her eyes reminded me of how much she knew. Jacob meant a lot to her to. He was the love of her life's father. He had been her imaginary friend when she was little—an escape from being my copy. He had been her sister's first crush—and first obsession. He had been the only person Issie had loved, when she was alive. And, through my eyes, and through her dreams, he had also been her best friend.

But she hadn't seen him first hand, like I had. She could remember him; remember his kindness from her dreams. She could say that she had gotten to know—that he had kept her company when Edward was no longer the lead in her nightly strolls into my memories.

But he hadn't saved her from insanity. He hadn't been the only one to hold her onto the earth when all meaning had vanished. He hadn't been her meaning. He hadn't held her hand. He hadn't reminded her what laughter was—how it sounded, how it felt. He hadn't been her sun. He hadn't kissed her passionately—he hadn't ever wanted her. He hadn't helped her live. He hadn't been the one to make her think that a lonely life was the only possibility. He hadn't helped her heal.

It was me. I was Jacob's first love. And Jacob was the stitching that had put my heart back together again. Jacob had a part of my heart all to his own.

Jacob. Smiling Jacob. Jacob like the sun. My personal sun. In the garage, helping me go behind Charlie's back; teaching me to let go of the grenade; saving my life when I decided to haul myself over a cliff...Kissing me, even when I couldn't admit I wanted him to. My best friend. My soul mate. My Jacob.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to let all my agony runs from my eyes, leak away, as if that could release the bitterness from all my happy memories of him. His name echoed in my mind, and with each repeat I felt the torment increase. It was excruciating—it was unbearable—and I could see how much more this was hurting Leah.

I could see her eyes only fixated on Jacob. I could see the emptiness in her as she realized her whole life was about to die. She would have Jared, she would have Emily, and maybe she might let Stephanie into her life eventually—but the joy in her life was dying.

Jared was shaking, both with fury and with despair. His head shot back, howling with unfathomable aguish. The ensemble of strained howls sounded off in a garbled, terrified harmony. The sadness in the tone sharpened the ache. My still heart protested against the hurt. I felt the spasm of memories shoot at me again. All memories I thought I had moved past. But was it really possible to forget my best friend?

The happy memories slipped away, all too bitter to hold onto. I could see Sam's Jacob. Angry, cold, and as bitter as the good memories now. But, worse than that, I could see Jacob's face, crumpled in pain. I hadn't seen that face in a long time. Young, vulnerable, and the person I wanted to protect. My Jacob, in pain. My Jacob, dying.

"Jacob," I cried. I wanted to reach toward him. "Jacob, Jacob..."

Leah's howl never sounded. No sound came from her. She was frozen over him, barely breathing. She had forgotten to breathe for the longest time, but the howls reminded her of her screaming lungs. Her breathing was shaky, just moving enough to allow her to live.

I could see Jared, trying to decide to edge closer or to back away. I felt the same dilemma. I wanted to touch Jacob once more, while he was still—the word sent shivers across my skin—_alive_.

"Jacob...Jacob," I mumbled. I wasn't sure if I was saying it aloud anymore. I felt Edward's arms around me, trying to keep me from falling to pieces.

"Jacob..."

"Carlisle, thanks so much," Edward said, translating the wolves' thoughts. "We would appreciate it if you would leave us alone."

Panic struck me, strangling me from the inside out. Was I going to be forced to leave? Was there no time allowed for me to say goodbye?

"Of course," Carlisle said. He took Esme's hand, and they disappeared into the forest. Alice and Jasper left too. Rosalie and Emmett were already long gone, even before the wolves' request.

"Bella," Edward whispered weakly. "Do you want to leave?"

I couldn't answer him. "Jacob," was all I could say.

Stephanie looked up and met my gaze. She had no expression, just a hallow understanding. Her eyes shifted to meet Edward's.

"She can stay," Stephanie assured him.

At once, her eyes fell back on Jacob. She leaned on her knees, close to the ground, her arms locked around Jared. Leah sat, staring at Jacob with tears the size of grapefruits pouring from her eyes.

I lost track of the time spent there. I lost track of how many times I called his name. I only remembered when the wolves all turned their backs and began walking away into the forest. Edward dragged me along. I glimpsed back once, seeing Jacob's face—his human face—with Leah's on top of it.

And I saw Jacob—my Jacob, my sun, my soul mate...and I knew there was no way he was my Jacob. He was her Jacob—Leah's Jacob, Leah's sun, Leah's air, Leah's life. She had married him. She had him as much as he had her.

But, then again, he wasn't ever really my Jacob, was he? I had never deserved him. I had chosen Edward—and I didn't regret that—but I regretted losing Jacob. I had no claim on him. I never did.

"Jacob..." I closed my eyes.

"I'm going to get Carlisle to fix up Jared," Stephanie told Edward. "Is he back at the house?"

Edward nodded.

"She'll be fine," Stephanie told Edward unconvincingly. Or maybe it seemed unconvincing to only me, because I didn't feel like I could ever be fine.

"She won't stop saying...she seems catatonic," Edward sighed. "I've been trying to talk to her..." Had he tried? I hadn't heard. I didn't remember seeing his lips move. "It's no use."

"She'll be fine," Stephanie insisted. "She practically killed him last time. She should stop blubbering."

Edward glowered at her coldly, and growled.

"Don't start with me, Edward," Stephanie hissed. Her tone was lethal. I stopped saying Jacob's name. I looked at her. Her eyes, bright today, were frightening. She looked like...a vampire. Out of a movie. Dangerous and cold.

Her eyes flashed to me, measuring me with bitterness in her expression. But, behind the facade, I saw the hurt, saw the sorrow, and knew she was trying to be strong. And I knew she really was angry—viciously, venomously angry—but I couldn't figure out why.

She had all my memories and all her memories. She had two lifetimes of memories. I envied her. I would have liked all that extra time to spend knowing Jacob.

"Go home, Bella," she ordered. "Don't you ever talk to Leah Black. Come to the funeral, if you have to, but don't you dare talk to her. Don't even let her see you."

I flinched at that. Did Leah resent me? Or was it just Stephanie who commanded this?

Edward growled at Stephanie again. Stephanie snarled at him.

"Why not?" I asked, although I already knew the answer.

"It will hurt her too much," Stephanie confided. "And she doesn't deserve anymore pain."

"That sounds fair," I agreed.

"I'm not going with you, when you leave Forks," Stephanie announced. All her confidence drained away and she looked so unnaturally pale—even for a vampire. "I know you won't leave until after the funeral, but...I'm not going to leave Forks. Ever. I can't."

"Fine," was all Edward said.

I didn't respond. More than that, I didn't understand.

Stephanie had wanted to leave. The only thing tying her to Forks was Jared, and she was willing to leave him behind before. Sure, things had changed—they had really changed—but was the only reason she was staying because of that? Was that one single change big enough to affect her too? Was she staying merely to console Jared? Or...was there some other reason?

My brain was too exhausted by the significant change to fathom the workings of Stephanie's mind. I wanted to go home, and I wanted Edward to do whatever he could to distract me, to make me forget all the hurt inside of me. Edward was the only one who could; he could do anything.

"If I don't see you before you go," Stephanie garbled, unable to make eye contact with either of us. "Then, good luck, with your new lives."

Her eyes shot up. She didn't look at me. She didn't care I was there. She didn't even seem to care that I was her half-sister, or that we had both been changed into vampires in the same startling night, or that we shared similar memories—similar lives, even—or that we had both loved the same perfect person.

All she cared about, in that moment, was that one perfect person. Her eyes met with Edward's, and melted. She was—in her own mind, at least—very far away. She hadn't just seen Jacob die, and she hadn't been in a battle to save her true love's life. She wasn't a vampire taking her werewolf boyfriend to the vampire doctor. She wasn't anything—except a girl. She was a girl in love with a boy. That's all that was there, clear in her soft, sparkling eyes. She didn't care that Jared was a few feet away from her, or that I was standing right next to Edward, with his arms around me, taking all this in. She was just a girl.

And I wanted to be her.

"Goodbye, Edward," Stephanie said softly.

Her words weren't special. I'd said them myself a million times, regretfully. I'd seen it in movies. I'd heard others say it, in the hallway at school, so many years ago, or over the phone. I had heard it a million different ways, some much more special and poetic and beautiful than this one time. But none were as significant.

It wasn't because she was the one who said it, or because of the person she said it to. It was because of the effect it had on me. I realized that it was exactly what I needed. I needed a goodbye to Jacob Black, and I wasn't going to get a chance to say it.

Stephanie headed forward without another pause or hesitation. Her hand rested on Jared's tall back and they sauntered forward, just barely hanging on as Jacob's death crashed down on them.

"Bella, do you want to go home?" Edward asked me gently, trying not to cause any waves, not to upset me.

"Yes."

I pulled at my legs. Nothing happened. The will to move myself was nowhere to be found. I wanted to be gone, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. My body wouldn't so much as stumble.

"I can't move, Edward," I confessed.

My arms were tight around me, hugging myself, holding the fragile pieces of me together. My shattered heart would fall out of place if I didn't hold completely still.

Edward swept me into his arms and carried me swiftly home. I was grateful.

"Not home," I rejected. I couldn't go there. I couldn't be confined in one small room, knowing that there were prying ears downstairs. I couldn't be in the same house with Stephanie so soon. And I didn't want Jared's presence to remind me of Jacob.

My Jacob. Jared was a lot like my Jacob. The Jacob I once had a chance at. Except, Jared belonged to Leah too.

"To our meadow," I requested.

Edward didn't refuse. He just changed course and obediently catered to my whim.

It was dark when we arrived. The wildflowers waned in the gentle, cool breeze. There were in bloom. The soft, pale colors glistened under the moonlight. The leaves on the branches of the trees surrounding us swayed fractionally, taking their chance with pirouettes in the wind. The trickling of the stream, soft and high like violin, all alone after a sad, exquisite requiem, was the only sound. I could make out some creatures of the night, but they strayed far, as if they were allowing me some peace. To be all alone, with Edward in the moonlit meadow.

After some time, I realized that I was probably frightening Edward. I hadn't moved in so long. I took a breath, to hint to him that I was alive.

"Do you want me to put you down?" he asked.

I nodded. He didn't release me form his arms though; he just set me on my feet. I was grateful for that too. I needed his support. I needed him close to me.

I pressed my face into his chest, hiding from the world. It was easier to forget that I was in agony when he kept me so completely together.

I don't know how it started, but I began sobbing. I knew a long time ago I had promised myself not to cry for Jacob Black, because it hurt Edward. But I had broken that promise so many times, and I couldn't hold myself back now. Not for this.

"Bella, what can I do?" he pleaded. "How can I help? Is there any way I can help you? Please, tell me. Anything."

I didn't need time to think about it. I knew right away. I knew there would be no goodbye for me, no last chance to see Jacob alive, smiling like my sun again. I knew there was only one way for me to stop crying.

"Make me forget," I begged. "Make me forget that he's gone. Make me forget he was ever here. Make me forget I knew him—that I loved him. Make me forget Jacob Black."

"Bella, you don't want to forget," Edward argued weakly. He wanted me to feel healed, but not to be hollow, which would happen if I forgot that entire part of my heart. If I tore out Jacob Black, I tore out half of my existence.

"Then make me remember," I said, changing tactics. "I don't want to think about him right now. I want to be happy. I want to forget this—_this pain_. I want to think of you. Nothing else. Everything else hurts. I need you to distract me—to keep me from thinking of him. I need to remember something good."

I knew I was reaching. It was unattainable and unthinkable to grasp as being happy instantaneously. But I could try.

"Bella."

Edward held me tighter. He kissed my forehead, and he tucked my head under his chin, consoling me like the weak child I was. Delicate, and more breakable than I ever had been—even when I was human.

But I could pull through the night. I could pull through days. So long as I had Edward, I knew I would heal. I just wondered how long it would take.

* * *

**This story is nearing it's big finish! Just a head's up. And I know Edward's point of view didn't really sound like him, but...deal with it. REVIEW PLEASE!!**


	9. Ridiculous

"**Yeah, so what? I love you. It's no big deal. Just because I would swim across the ocean just to see you smile—Just because I would rather kiss you than breath—Just because I write songs for you—Just because I dream only about you—Just because I would do anything for you—Just because I would die for you—doesn't mean this is anything special. You don't love me back, so it's meaningless."**  
**  
Chapter 8: Ridiculous  
**

* * *

"How's the healing going?" I asked.

I was leaning casually on the doorframe when Carlisle had tried to zip past me. He paused, smiling at me. I could see that Jared had been nice to him—from his memory of treating him—but I got a little too entranced seeing all of Jared's blood. I decided to stop looking and just ask the good doctor.

"He'll be fine," he assured me. "It's surprising how fast they heal."

"Good, because I'm going to rip his head off after he heals."

Carlisle chuckled. I had been in such a dark mood that he was probably glad to see that I had some humour left in me—however bitter and exaggerated it was.

"I hear you're not coming with us?" Carlisle questioned curiously.

I shook my head, and frowned. I hated this. I wanted to tell him that he had heard a nasty rumour spread by ill-painted lawn gnomes. That, of course, would be a lie. But I liked it better than the truth.

"I promised Jared I would stay," I explained. "I promised him a long time ago, and I can't break my promise to him. It's not fair to him."

"We'll miss you," he confessed. "Rosalie especially."

Oh, crap. How was I going to manage life as a vampire without my wonderful Rosalie? She was going to kill me for abandoning her.

"I'm going to miss all of you too," I admitted reluctantly. "—and Rosalie especially. But, I promised, and I've made up my mind."

Carlisle grinned, some wisdom in his golden eyes. I wondered what he was thinking, but I didn't bother to check if he was thinking on some memory I could decipher. My priority was Jared.

"Can he go home? He was bugging at me because this house smells like burning sugar to him," I explained. "He's a wuss."

"He can go," Carlisle laughed. "And I checked on the others, and they're in top condition again."

I frowned and stared down at the floor. "All except for one," I whispered.

"Yes." Carlisle's cheery tone dropped.

"How is Bella?" I asked, not the least bit curious. But, out of courtesy, I felt the need to ask.

"She's not...handling it very well," Carlisle confided. "I'm not sure if there's anything that can be done about it."

I shrugged. "Let her work it out. I think she just needs time to heal. They were close," I stated sourly. "I should know."

Carlisle nodded once, stiffly. He could tell the conversation was running low on positive commentary.

"In case we don't meet again," I said, more gently this time. "Goodbye, Carlisle. It was a pleasure to meet you."

"A pleasure to know you too, Stephanie," he agreed, mimicking my smile. "I will always consider you family. For what you did—to bring Bella back—and because of who you are."

"Thanks," I gaped. I was shocked he thought of me that way. I knew I considered them family—all of them—but I was surprised that he felt the same.

Carlisle shuffled out of the room, allowing me to gape in private, to embarrass myself less. It took me half a second to gather my senses, to gather my resolve again, and then I was ready to take Jared aside and make sure he knew that I really was staying. Just as I had promised.

Jared was sitting up, stretching out his back—and wincing from that simple movement—when I came into the living room. He had a bandage around his shoulder and back. It looked nasty without the bandages, but now he looked like a mummy. I felt a little better about his injury, using an impossible mythological creature to compare to.

"Took you long enough to check on me," Jared mocked.

"Too much blood for me," I reminded him. "You smell too good for me to resist when you're pouring open like that. It was too dangerous for you for me to be so close."

"Right. I almost forgot about that craziness."

"I'm glad you could forget why you fuzzed out and run away," I snapped. "_I_ remembered though."

Jared rolled his eyes. He stood up, back straight, pants on—to my relief—looking as strong as an ox. Carlisle was a miracle worker.

"Dr. Fang is impressive," Jared complimented. "I liked him enough when he was keeping you and Bella alive when they were trying to resurrect Bella, but I like him even more now."

"Jared, you're really the one who kept me alive then," I said. "Thanks—again—for that."

He grinned smugly. "My pleasure."

His smile dropped abruptly. I knew the cause. I knew there was nothing I could do to take the sting out of his heart.

His father had been killed—trying to save his life—and no amount of sarcasm and consoling would rid Jared of the sorrow he felt. I knew that feeling. I had felt Issie's death was my fault for the longest time—and sometimes, I was still sure it was. Regardless of what anyone said, what Jared really needed was time to just cry things out.

Now, I knew that since he was a big, tough, macho man (heavy sarcasm there, I had seen him cry more than he had seen me cry) that he wouldn't cry with me around—or even admit to crying—but I wanted him to have a chance to. He would want me to be around later. Alone time was the first priority—that, and being around his mother. I was sure they needed each other at a horrific time like this.

"You should stay in La Push today," I suggested forcefully. "I need to go house shopping anyway."

"Are they forbidding you to stay here while they're gone?" Jared joked.

"No, I'm forbidding myself," I explained. "Besides, it's their house. I don't want to cling to their memories."

"Sure, sure."

With both winced. It was a subtle reminder—but significant enough to count.

"So, I'll hit the housing market today, maybe find a shack for sale," I mused. "I don't need something fancy—just so I don't have to sit in the woods all night—bored. Or maybe I'll build something. I could buy some wood, and pray to God I can figure out a simple design."

"Don't be ridiculous, Steph, you can stay at my house."

I blanked. "Say what now? Did you receive a head injury as well? Or have you just somehow forgotten than I am a vampire, and therefore not allowed over a certain line?"

"Dad was already thinking about it, and convinced Mom it was a good idea," he explained. He shrugged, as if this was no big deal. "No one else though. Only you because I imprinted on you."

"Makes sense—sort of," I grumbled. I had tried to give Jared alone time, and he had me moving in with him.

"I still think you should go to La Push—alone," I suggested grouchily.

"Oh," he growled. "Would you rather sneak off, then? Pretend you're going to stay but really you're not?"

"Your conspiracy theory sucks," I insulted.

"Doesn't matter," he snapped. "Is it true?"

"No," I seethed. "I already told you I'm staying. I am sacrificing something _very_ important to me, so you better shut up, go home, and cry _really hard_ until you feel better on the inside and fake being happy for the rest of your life—or else, so help me, I will whack you over the head until you cry your pain out!"

"You want me to cry?" he puzzled.

I nodded furiously. "And that will make you feel better! Trust me. I've been through this..._death_...thing. Crying is the closest thing to a solution for the first few, horrible days."

To my annoyance, he laughed. I had thought I would force him into depression because of pressing the topic, but, no. He had gone completely loopy.

A soft look entered his eyes. "You don't have to worry about me, Steph," he assured me. "I can grieve on my own time, in my own way."

I bit my lip. I had gone overboard, worrying about him. I should have known that just because I was near crazy and suffered horribly with my brush with death didn't mean that Jared would. He was stronger than I was, and more selfless. He had to be strong for Leah, for me, for the other wolves, and maybe even a little for Bella. He had to prove to himself he was strong too. And, he had to be strong for Jacob's sake.

"I need to be the stable one right now though. I am technically the alpha now," he confessed.

I gasped and clapped my hands to my chin. "That's right!" I exclaimed. "I almost forgot!"

"So, when I say you can cross the line, Stephanie," he said, "you really can."

I wasn't sure how to react. My plans to give Jared cry-time were useless and pointless now. I had nothing to do.

I didn't have to patience to just sit and wait the day out. Jared didn't either. He certainly didn't now.

"Want to take off somewhere?" Jared asked tiredly.

I looked at him, studying his features intently. His eyes were closed. His face was so drained. I wondered how he was holding himself together.

His question sounded too much like a request to refuse. I knew that, in his own way, he needed to grieve. If that meant taking off and shirking from responsibility, then I was happy to be the culprit in his extravagant escape.

I stood beside him, taking his hand, playing absently with his fingers. His eyes opened, peering down when I linked our fingers together.

"Where to?" I asked.

"Anywhere," he breathed. "'S long as it's not _here_."

"Specific," I sighed. "But...I think we can find a place like that somewhere."

I led the way, out of the living room, out the front door, down the drive, and across the road. He let me lead him deep into the darkening greenery, not worried about how I was sure to get us lost in the woods.

I led him deeper and deeper, but he never stopped me. He didn't argue when I changed directions, with no rhyme or reason to my pattern. He just squeezed my hands at times, quickened the pace at times, slowed at times, struggling through his mind while I pulled his mindless body in a twisting maze of leaves, logs, and nutty squirrels.

I found our way back to the road by the time the sun had set. I pulled him close to my side, smiling up at him. He seemed to have forgotten how to smile, because he stared at me blankly, straining his facial muscles.

"Go home," I ordered delicately, when I had walked him to the border line, where I did _not_ want to cross. "Get some rest. Or cry, if that helps. Smash some walls. Egg someone's house—or on second thought, egg your own house. It's kind of rude to egg other people's houses."

"Are you sure?" he asked. His voice was hoarse and emotionless.

I nodded vacantly. How bad was he feeling? I wish I knew—as if that could help.

"Promise," he whispered, closing his eyes and squeezing my hand tightly. "Promise me, Stephanie that you are going to be with me again when I wake up."

I leaned up and kissed his cheek. "I promise."

He sighed and released my hand. He sauntered into La Push, not glancing over his shoulder or looking ahead. His eyes trained on the ground—or maybe they were closed. I couldn't tell. I just prayed that he could work through what was eating him from the inside out. I was doing all I knew how to do, and I hoped I was helping him.

And I really hoped Leah—being his mother—could say something wise and motherly and wonderful that would help him too.

I was at the line as soon as the sun broke over the horizon. I hadn't gone back to the Cullen house. I had walked all night until I turned around and made my way here. I wanted to avoid seeing Rosalie—who would convince me to move away with them if I saw her—and wonderful Emmett, and Jasper, and Alice, and Esme. And Carlisle, too, who considered me family. I wasn't sure how I felt about Bella. There were too many conflicting emotions when I thought of her. Nothing settled in me for more than a second. I couldn't decide if I was going to miss her bitterly or be glad to be rid of her.

My emotions were too strained to think of missing Edward. That was a whole other issue that I didn't want to go back to.

I waited a few hours. I sat on the side of the road, trying to remember if a pumpkin was a fruit or a vegetable. I recalled they were a fruit, on account of seeds, and the fact that they were cool. What other fruit can claim to be the main symbol for a very fun holiday? No other fruit. No other vegetable, for that matter. (Then again, there was a special day dedicated to throwing tomatoes at people—although the tomato was a fruit also.)

I saw Jared bumbling down the road. The sun was hot, baking the ground, so I was surprised Jared hadn't skipped out on wearing a shirt. He already had an abnormally hot body temperature. Did he want to boil over?

I panicked silently for an irrational second, thinking he was trying to commit suicide by heatstroke. But, I regained my senses. Jared wasn't that stupid—right?

"Hey," he called, stopping a ways from the line. I could see how bright his smile was, gleaming in the sunlight. He had bags under his eyes, so I guessed that sleep had avoided him last night.

"Hey," I called back. "What's the hold-up?"

He laughed. "You're not coming over?"

I gulped. He was serious. He really wanted to push sanity's limits.

I eyed the line suspiciously, wondering if the wolves were cruel enough to hide underground landmines. I wondered if they were clever enough.

"C'mon," he encouraged. "I'm not going to bite."

"If I get attacked, then I will bite you," I warned.

He laughed again. "It's just an imaginary line. You won't blow up or turn to stone if you go over it."

"Uh-huh, sure," I bellowed. "You won't be laughing when I spontaneously combust!"

"Hurry up," he shouted impatiently. The game was wearing him thin.

If I crossed the line and I got assassinated by ninja werewolves, I was going to kill him.

I took a deep breath and held it. I stepped forward. Nothing happened. Maybe it was the wrong spot by a few inches or so? I stepped forward again. And—again—nothing happened. I stepped again and did not implode, explode, or generally blow up. No harm came to me in any way, shape, or form. I stepped confidently forward, trusting that I was perfectly fine.

"Watch out!" Jared gasped.

I ducked my head and spun my eyes, searching for ninja werewolves—or some other logical attack from a misinformed werewolf.

Jared was laughing, getting a real kick out of my panic.

"Ha, ha," I groaned. "Very, funny, Jared."

"I thought so," he agreed.

I rolled my eyes. If this was his way of grieving, I was unimpressed. I crossed my arms sharply over my chest and met up with him, glowering at him with all my might.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I was hoping you would trust me a little more though."

"I do," I said sourly. "But it's the others, who are grieving and uninformed that I do not trust."

"Oh, they're informed," he assured me. "They honestly don't mind."

I sighed. I found this agreement doubtful. Any werewolf worth his salt hated vampires—which showed how much salt I thought Jared was worth—and I, being a vampire, should be well hated in this particular community.

Jared led the way, and I followed him—still glowering—without really thinking about moving my feet. I was a little faster than him, because I was too distracted to keep my pace human, but he was quick-footed too, so it didn't take much for him to catch up.

"I'm glad I can show you around my house," he chattered mindlessly, while I continued to glower. "It kind of feels nice, knowing I can welcome you into my home. I know that's not what a normal guy would say—or maybe even what a normal girl would say—but I'm not normal."

"I've noticed."

"It's good to know that I can have you around whenever," he continued. "We don't have to meet out in the middle of the road."

"True." Meeting in the middle of the road did tend to have to problem of getting run-over or honked at.

"To be honest, the idea of closed doors sounds really nice," he murmured, sounding drained again—tired, from all the pain coursing through him. "Privacy."

I wanted to say that we could have privacy anywhere, but that wasn't true. Jared and I hadn't had much time alone indoors. We could walk around the forest all we wanted and be alone, but it wasn't the same. The Cullen house was always occupied, not to mention the fact that Alice felt slightly uncomfortable with Jared around, and Jasper was still too sensitive with blood types and werewolves. Emmett wanted to battle a werewolf, so...well, I wanted to avoid that path. And Rosalie hated werewolves. It was a bad idea to upset Rosalie, and you didn't need any sort of talent to know that.

"Where is Leah today?" I asked, realizing that he was taking me directly to his house. I was glad we would be indoors and away from prying eyes. I felt guilty enough being here without watching people stare at me.

"Uncle Seth's special consoling party," he answered grudgingly. "I was almost forced to go. Mom got me out of it."

"Oh, a bunch of wolves howling and talking about their grief?" I realized. "That sounds...fun."—was that word appropriate for a sorrowful and odd gathering like that?—"Why didn't you go?"

Jared rolled his eyes. "For that exact reason—_fun_—because I couldn't face all of them just yet."

I nodded my head stupidly like a bobble head doll. I was going to have to get used to the fact that Jared would—or maybe just could—take Jacob's place as head of the pack. Having Jared as lead dog would be different. Jared would have responsibility in the pack now. That made things seems stranger between us. The leader of _them_ with the outcast member of the '_us'_-crowd. How weird was that?

Jared took me into his house—which was small compared to the houses in Forks, but it seemed too fitting that I couldn't hate it. And the inside made it seemed bigger. I didn't know how she did it, but Leah took amazing care of her house. It was so clean and neat—and I wished that I could keep even one single room as neat as she kept her entire house.

"Please tell me your room isn't this squeaky clean," I gaped.

"No. My room is free range," he chuckled.

"Good," I said. "Because looking at this makes me think that every room I have ever stayed had been under siege. A bomb barrage and a sterile box are the closet I can compare it to. My room being the bomb, and this house being the sterilized containment."

"Mom kind of got paranoid after...after she lost the baby. She wanted to make sure that it wasn't her fault—that the baby couldn't have caught a disease, from the dirt in the house or the pollen in the air. The mess in the house caused her a lot of stress some days, and she worried for a while that maybe her stress levels did something. She just got in the habit of keeping it clean."

I bit my lip. I was sorry I had said anything. Poor Leah; she didn't deserve such tragedies in her life. No wonder she was half-crazy.

"Well, you said you wanted to show me around, so show me around," I ordered, trying to change the subject.

"One quick question though," he interrupted. "Why were you so mad at Bella?"

I decided to play dumb. "Excuse me?"

"After...it happened," Jared explained, struggling with the circumstances, "you were really pissed off at Bella. Why? Just because she was so upset? I thought you two were close? Being sisters, I guess I assumed..."

When he put it like that, it did seem awful. But it didn't change anything. My feelings were the same.

"Big girls don't cry," I said offhand. I shrugged.

"You're telling me, you got mad at her just because?" Jared scoffed. "There had to be a reason."

I sighed. Why did he have to press the stupidest things?

"I don't want to talk about it."

Jared's eyebrows pressed together, forming a single, angry line. I ignored him. I wasn't going to talk about it, and he couldn't make me.

"Just tell me," he said. "I know it's something serious. I could tell."

"Well, you're wrong," I lied. "It's nothing serious at all. It was a sisterly spat."

Jared cocked a brow. "Yeah, right," he doubted.

I clasped my hand to my neck. "You don't believe me?" I gasped, feigning that I was offended.

"No, I don't." He was stubbornly keeping this conversation serious. Great, that was very unhelpful to me.

"You don't want to hear it," I warned him. "You won't like it, and I'm not about to hurt you."

Both of his eyebrows raised high. "Hurt me? This is really serious, isn't it?"

"It's serious to me," I corrected. "It's nothing someone else would care about."

Jared folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the kitchen table. "I'm listening."

"No, you don't want to hear it," I huffed, putting my hands on my hips. "Are you a glutton for punishment or something? I rather not spend my day with a sadistic werewolf. Pain is not my thing, and I rather not inflict it."

Jared didn't budge. "This is something serious, and I want to hear it."

"But you don't, Jared!" I insisted. "This isn't something you can handle—and if you can handle it, then you can't possibly be sane. Trust me, just let it drop. They'll be gone in a few days, a few weeks, and it won't matter anymore."

"That isn't true," he argued, "and you know it. It will matter whether they leave or stay."

I muttered under my breath, calling him an idiot more times than he deserved. He still hadn't budged though, and his persistence was getting on my nerves.

"I know it's bugging you," Jared explained. "And if it's because it's serious or because you feel guilty for not telling me...then, either way, it's a good idea to talk about it."

I glared at him, clenching my jaw, speaking through my teeth. "I don't feel guilty," I spat, unsure if it was a lie or not. "I don't want you to hear it."

"Maybe," he said. "But I need to hear it. A need is more important than a want."

I squealed quietly and formed my fingers into fists.

"You seem to have become increasingly violent," Jared noted. "This must be really eating at you."

I released my hands and dropped my arms to my sides. Jared read me so well. I felt all my apprehension slip away, fleeting in slow ebbs, like waves on the shore. I forgot why I couldn't tell him. Maybe I could be vague in the telling? That might help. I was really tense over it—and I could feel it. If this was the distraction Jared needed, then I would let him have it.

"This is your last warning," I said sternly. "This might hurt you—it might not—but I really think it will. It's confusing, and I'm sure it doesn't make sense."

Jared held in laughter. "Alright," he acknowledged.

I sighed. "You won't be laughing much longer," I warned me, for the final time.

"Go on," he encouraged.

"When I saw her—sobbing, crying over Jacob"—Jared's face dropped—"I couldn't help but think why she was so upset? She had made her decision, you know? She chose _Edward_. She chose him a million times over. So, he moved on. But she was regretting—regretting not choosing him! She had Edward, and still wanted him—but still wanted both of them! _How could someone be so selfish_? How could she rip open their hearts so many times, and still think she deserved even one of them? But she got her happy ending, her Prince Charming, Superman scene, and leaning out the balcony window, calling out his name. She got all that—and she still isn't happy! She still wanted him." I closed my eyes. "She has Edward though. How could she not be happy? With Edward...she should be the happiest girl in the world—mortal or immortal world."

I heard Jared grind his teeth together. When I opened my eyes, he was glaring at me with frightening intensity.

"Is happiness only measured in what share of Edward you get?" he rasped. "It doesn't matter how many mistakes he's made—just that he's _so perfect_?" He made perfect sound like a dirty word—like it was coated with venom and meant death and something horrible.

"I never said Edward was perfect," I lied, knowing that I had probably said it more times than I had said Jared's name. (And I tended to use it a lot—since the sound of it sent warm fuzziness into my chest.)

"Never?" Jared scoffed. "I'm sure all you think about is him. Do you think I'm stupid? Never mind. You've made your opinion of my intelligence clear enough."

"Jared, I don't really think you're stupid," I said.

He laughed, coldly, humourlessly. "And what about your _precious Edward_? You think he's a real genius, right?"

"I do n—!" I wanted to say something to argue in my defence, but Edward really was a genius. I didn't want to build up Jared's confidence with lies.

"You do," he scowled. "That's great. So, your perfect, smart, Romeo is Edward Cullen? The leech that only looked at you because you remind him of Bella? The leech who dropped you so quickly after Bella made her miraculous return? A return from the dead that could have killed you, by the way. And Bella was only inside of you because she was so attached to him. He's taken, Steph," he reminded me cruelly. "You really should stop chasing after him."

"I have!" I snapped. "I gave up on him a long time ago, and if you haven't figured that out yet then—then!—you're stupid!"

Jared chuckled, mocking me, without holding back any opinion of my intelligence in his icy stare.

"That's a great comeback, Steph. Who taught you that one? Eddie, maybe? He's the clever one, after all, right?" he sneered.

"Don't call him that," I muttered under my breath. I was too embarrassed to say that it really infuriated me—that nickname. Edward was his name—Edward, beautiful Edward. A perfect name for a perfect—what the hell was I saying? Jared was making me nuts!

"I'm sure Eddie won't mind," Jared mumbled.

"I warned you, Jared," I seethed. "I warned you that I was damaged goods—that my heart wasn't whole. I tried to repair it, but it's not that easy."

"Is that why you had to break you promise? Because you wanted to stay away until you were fixed enough to come back to Forks?"

"I'm _never_ going to be _fixed_!" I shouted. "I am _permanently_ broken. It's you who doesn't understand what you signed up for. Imprint or no, you're making this predicament harder than it needs to be."

"Then what should I do?" Jared demanded. "Roll over? Let you sneak off with your leeches, welcome you back when you decide to grace me with your presence, and let you do Edward on the side?"

I narrowed my eyes into slits. "I warned you, Jared."

"Yeah, thanks," he snapped.

"I think I might hit the housing market after all," I growled. "This roof isn't big enough to hold me and your idiocy."

"Fine," he bellowed.

I dug my nails into the palm of my hand. I finally noticed Jared's shaking. I took that as a sign that I had gone too far. He was dealing with a lot—Jacob's death, his injury—and I wasn't making it any easier for him. I let out a tense sigh, trying to locate rational thinking, somewhere stowed away in the back of my head.

I recognized the way Jared was talking. He was like his father—like Jacob—it was the exact same. I could still recall, from Bella's memories, how Jacob got when he was angry—when he was Sam's Jacob—that was how he looked. I now understood completely how sad that made her feel. And how it pissed me off too.

Jared was hurting, so he chose to pick the safest reaction—anger. It was the safe emotion. You could be impenetrable when you were angry. Sure, the results afterward were never good, but in that moment of initial pain, anger kept your heart safe. It felt no damaging blow, and you could just keep dishing out fouls, yell at everyone, and when they yelled back, you were impenetrable, temporarily. And it really did help, to feel invincible for just one moment.

I hated to see Jared like this—upset, but trying to fight against it. I hated upsetting him more, but I wasn't going to take back what I had said. He was being an idiot and I wasn't ever going to be reasonable when I was angry.

"Why the hell are you sticking around here anyway," Jared questioned bitterly. "I know you want to go with them—go off with him and those leeches—because you love them. You want to leave Forks."

"Yeah, it thoroughly ruined my life," I reminded him. "Look,"—I gestured to my body—"I'm a vampire now. That wasn't exactly part of my happily ever after plan."

Jared wouldn't look at me. He glowered at the floor.

"Yes, I want to leave Forks," I sighed grouchily. "So what's your question?"

"Then why aren't you leaving?" he stammered.

"I guess...it's because I love you."

He gave me a disapproving look. "I doubt it."

"Stupid, I know," I agreed. "But it's all I can come up with. And it's the truth—so don't argue."

"But you love _him_ too," he argued. "That's enough reason to go with him."

I sighed for what seemed the millionth time. This was going to require a long-winded explanation.

I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms over my chest. Jared settled himself into the kitchen chair, with pouted, angry lips and desperate eyes.

"Jared, I know this is confusing for you, so hold onto your seat because this is a bumpy ride," I warned. He believed me; his fingers formed into fists and he readied himself for a full-on attack.

"You can love two people at once," I started. "It's tricky, but possible. It's not good for you, or me, or him...it's actually for bad for all parties involved. But that doesn't change anything. The heart is this stupid muscle in your body that keeps you alive, and it squeezes just a little too hard when certain people come around you. But it's the heart that does the squeezing. Not logic. Not wisdom. Not anything useful or practical in this world. Because love isn't practical. And that's why I love you _and_ Edward."

Jared rolled his eyes, but I knew I had his attention now. I was ready to go full-out.

"In my case, my heart doesn't beat. But my lungs can squeeze too. And my brain still reacts. Maybe because mythical creatures are involved my capacity to be madly in love is widened. It's just another downside to this whole 'you were bitten and now you're doomed to drink blood and look pale to even compared the albino kids'," I harped, feeling a little more calm. "Love sucks—literally, it seems—and although I want to tell you that I don't look at you and think 'Hey, he's tasty,' but I can't, because I do feel that _hunger_ every time. And it is a little tempting knowing that when I look at Edward and think 'Hey, he's tasty,' it's not because I want to eat him."

Jared stared guiltily at the table, as if his yummy blood was his fault. Which, of course, it wasn't. Only genetics could be blamed for that.

"But I love you Jared. I love you so much that—right now—I know there would be nothing left of me if anything happened to you," I confessed. "And if I had ever been given the choice—I know exactly who I would chose. I would choose Edward. I know that sounds hurtful and I probably just broke your heart, but listen to me. I wouldn't choose Edward because I love him more. But I love him enough for forever. I wouldn't chose you because I'd be too afraid of hurting you—because I love you more—and I would have to find a way to commit suicide—which is just a big, horrible mess, that mostly involves lighting myself on fire or the Volturi—if I ever, ever hurt you again."

"I love you, so I chose you," I summarized. "I can't say this is a perfect arrangement, but I want you—not your blood—and I'm going to work past that. Edward has Bella"—it was hard to say her name without scowling—"and I'm not going to mess that up. That's all you really need to know."

I held my lungs still, hoping that something had gotten through to him. I was half leaning toward him, and I hoped he wouldn't lean away in disgust. I was an awful, blood-sucking, man-eater who was in love with two very different guys. If Jared could get at least half of that, I might be able to persuade him not to hate me.

"As much as you lighting yourself on fire for me makes me feel appreciated—and slightly disturbed," Jared joked, "I really don't see how that adds up to you staying in Forks."

I rolled my eyes. I was being too technical. No wonder he was confused.

I jumped onto the table in a lithe, quick movement that even his eyes couldn't catch. His eyes went from surprised to annoyed, seeing my body lay across his table, head in my hands, legs swinging playfully in the air.

"Because I love you, Jared," I told him as seductively as I could manage. "Because I can't be away from you." I tapped his nose with my finger. "And because you go friggin' insane when I'm gone."

"You have a foul mouth," he grumbled. "And just because that's true doesn't mean that I'm going to believe that you're finally going to keep your promises."

I rolled my eyes again. "Let me know if ever realize that you have won over every little broken piece of me."

"You're not broken," he protested softly. His dark eyes pierced into mine, holding my gaze, trying to persuade me.

"But I'm not perfect either," I added. (This was why I didn't match up with Edward.)

He shrugged. "I didn't ask for perfect."

"What did you ask for then?" I wondered. "I doubt vampire was on your list—but I'm sure pretty, smart, and kind were on the list. Whoops! Looks like I got cut right away."

"I asked for a few things like that," he admitted shyly, dropping his eyes. "But I can settle for beautiful, confident, and wonderful."—his eyes came up again to meet mine—"And kind."

I felt sad. He had imprinted on me, and there was no way to escape his feelings for me. He was trapped and I didn't deserve him.

"You don't mind that I'm selfish?" I questioned. "You don't mind that I have more flaws than specialties? More cons than pros?"

"The only con I know of is Edward Cullen and your only flaw is a trouble keeping promises," he insisted.

"I also can't rap," I blurted. "Ha. Just try and beat that."

"You can sing, and it sounds really pretty," he complimented, leaning forward slightly.

"I didn't realize that was out loud, whoops," I laughed.

"You're laugh is pretty too."

"Are you kidding? It sounds like a cackle. A nice, vampire, seductive, Wicked Witch of the West sort of cackle," I argued, narrowing my eyes. "And I haven't ever once made macaroni without it coming out black. Don't ask; it's true."

"You can make me laugh," he said, sounding unsure. His list must be running out. I was winning—although I wasn't sure this was a good thing.

"A comic book can do the same," I rejected. "Try harder."

"You can resist my blood," Jared recited flawlessly.

That caught me off-guard.

"Sure, but I still want it," I rendered.

He shook his head slowly. "That doesn't matter. You can resist it. That's why you're staying. Because there are other parts of me"—he grinned mischievously—"that you want."

"Ridiculous," I scoffed. "You're one hot tamale, Jared, but I have boundaries. I can't risk wanting your blood for something"—I searched for a good word, but only came up with—"_ridiculous_."

Jared's grin widened. I could see all his teeth—that's how wide his smile was. His white teeth gleamed nicely against his dark skin. I wondered if my teeth were that white...they must be, since I was a vampire. But they had been a little yellow when I was human...Jared obviously had good dental hygiene.

"You're a good kisser," Jared complimented, continuing along his list with new confidence.

"I'm not sure about that," I stammered nervously. "But I'm glad you think so—although you are slightly biased."

"For being a vampire," he said, gently stroking my cheek with his hand, "your skin is very soft."

"Uh-huh," I gulped.

"And your eyes, they're a different color," he noted. "Different than the others; I like it."

"That's good. You're going to be seeing them a lot. Unless I get hungry because your blood is so tempting. Then, they'll get dark and murky, and devil red," I rambled. "Not so pretty then, right?"

He shook his head. "Still pretty," he insisted.

His hand settled on my neck. His fingers, although not tight, felt constricting around my neck. I never noticed how big his hands were. Had he grown again? Or had I just never noticed before? I had been too busy looking at his face—seeing into his eyes—searching his memories for what he thought of me—that I didn't notice the rest of him. I always knew how massive he was (stupid giant werewolf gene, making me feel like a dwarf) but I hadn't really paid attention to the actual physical features. He looked so strong, and warm, and I wondered how it would feel to press my wintery skin against his flaming body.

"Oh, well, there's also that sickly sweet smell," I reminded him. I knew I was supposed to hate the smell of him—but it was so warm, so mouth-wateringly potent to me.

"Don't worry about that," he assured me. "I'm sure your skin tastes better than it smells."

"What are you a vampire now too?" I laughed, a little too high-pitched.

"What happened to your confidence?" Jared teased. "You were trying to seduce me. I was looking forward to that."

What the heck? Where _was_ my confidence? I was a kick-ass vampire with venom and super-strength. I had kissed Jared before. I had been this close to him before. So why the heck was I freaking out? There was nothing to be scared of, no reason to feel my body excite as his voice got husky and sweeter.

"Uh, I changed my mind."

He rolled his eyes. "Sure, sure."

We both felt the pang of sadness at his father's favourite phrase. I thought that was the end of his antics. I put my arms around his neck, prepared to console him. Jared, however, wasn't ready to give up on me. I could see the resolve in his eyes.

Gracefully, he scooped me off the table and onto his lap. My arm—remaining wrapped around his neck—stiffened defensively, just as a knee-jerk reaction. Jared, of course, took that as encouragement. His lips quickly pressed to mine—and I had no will-power against his lips. I tasted the warmth, tasted his breath, and loved how we moulded together, as if we really were made for each other, even though we were such an odd pair.

His hands knotted in my hair, and my other arm swung around his neck. I found myself straddling around him before I could stop myself. Jared's warm hand on my back sent shiver's of pleasure up my spine. I knew Jared's lungs must be reaching their limit—but I really didn't want to stop kissing him. Instead, I moved my lips from his and travelled down his jaw, his neck, his chest, and I felt the urge to rip his shirt off—it was getting in the way.

"See," Jared gasped, trying to catch his breath, "you do want me."

"Shut up," I mumbled between sharp, erratic kisses to his shoulder. "You're a spoiled, only child who thinks he can get whatever he wants."

"Not whatever," he protested, still a little breathless, "just this."

"I'm not budging," I lied.

He sighed. "You're probably right," he admitted. "This probably isn't a good idea."

"Mm, hm," I mumbled as I kissed up his neck.

"Do you think we should stop?"

"Uh-uh," I groaned.

"If you think my blood is so tempting...maybe this is too dangerous."

I grabbed Jared's face in between my hands and glowered fiercely at him. "You kiss me now, Jared," I growled. "And you don't let up until you have convinced both of us that I am staying here with you—forever—for a reason."

He needed no more encouragement than that. He kissed my neck, softly and tenderly, holding me as if I was very breakable, but still tightly. Slowly, our bodies got closer. I accidentally tore Jared's shirt, and allowed my fingers to roam over his chest, up his back, and I pressed my body tightly to him. I could make out steam where our bare skin touched.

I heard Leah's footsteps outside. She was saying goodbye to her brother, Seth. Jared moaned and straightened himself up. I made sure the torn shreds of shirt were hidden in Jared's bedroom and then returned to his side. I stood next to him, perfectly composed in an instant.

"Typical," he muttered under his breath. His breathing was still laboured, and I worried I wouldn't be allowed back into La Push because of my bad behaviour.

"How did I taste?" I asked.

His eyes widened. "What?"

I bent down slowly, lowered myself, watching as his eyes watched me, and licked his lips.

"Mm," I sighed. "If you're blood is anything close to that, I might just have to kill you, Jared."

My evil plan worked. His breathing was right on track. I had shocked him into a steadier breathing pattern. Points for the clever vampire.

"Is _she_ still here?" Leah asked tiredly as she entered the house, coming straight into the kitchen.

"Yes, I'm still here," I answered.

I heard her sigh, but she didn't avoid me. She sat across from Jared and put her face in her hands. I felt sorry for her. But I also wondered why she had come home early. I could have used a few more minutes to convince Jared I wasn't going to leave.

"Seth is still trying to console me," Leah complained. "And Emily and Sam"—she choked on his name—"and Embry and Quil and the new one—some name starting with the letter 'P'."

I had no idea who this 'new one' was, so I didn't even try to guess at the name. Jared didn't try to be helpful either.

"I think listening to annoying people try to console me is worse than being alone," she confided. "It hurts too much to talk to anyone, but it hurts just as much to be alone."

"So don't talk," Jared suggested. "Just sit here. We're not going to leave you alone."

I tried to hide my surprise that Jared had said 'we,' when I knew Leah hated my guts.

Leah looked up with watery, blood-shot eyes, and smiled weakly—at both of us.

"Thanks," she said. "It helps to know that."

I smiled back at her, struggling to make sure she understood what I was trying to imply with my smile.

"We don't mind sitting in silence for hours," I reassured her, "if it helps."

She nodded graciously. "It does. I don't want to—to talk about it—but I want to have someone who can understand."

She hadn't thrown me out yet, so I thought I could settle in. I leaned against Jared and— in a moment of sudden courage—I touched my hand to hers, and she didn't flinch away.

"You're warmer than usual," she noted, not sounding bitter or sour or sarcastic at all. She sounded like a real mom.

This made me feel guilty.

I knew exactly why I was warmer. I peered over at the cause of my warmness, who smiled innocently and comfortingly at his dear old mother.

* * *

**"When we are in love we often doubt that which we most believe." – Francois de la Rouchefoucauld. So review.**


	10. Crazy People

"**You call it madness, but I call it love." – Russ Columbo.  
**

* * *

Chapter 10: Crazy People

* * *

Regardless of the position of the sun, there is always light. Because the sun is always there; radiant and bright, even on a cloudy day. Even when the earth turns the moon reflects the light, keeping everything lit. The speed of light is impossibly fast, so the light is there when you need it. But all stars fade; all lights die out.

So what happens when the sun burns out? What happens when that last flare of heat cools? Will there be screaming? Will people cry? Will the world come to an end, or is there some person concocting an invention that will be ready to replace the sun? Though, how could someone replace the sun? While people are panicking, will they care though, if the light and heat source that saves them isn't a sun? It won't matter; as long as they live.

But I can't live. There is no replacement; Jacob can't be replaced. So with all traces of light gone, what's left?

When I first met Jacob Black, I had felt the instant pull—the instinctual gravity that lulled me into trusting him. I hadn't known then, when I was assuring Edward he was just a nice kid, that I would become so attached. I hadn't dreamed that when Jacob swayed with me in the gym—when I had been kidnapped and brought to prom—that I would want his arms around me again. I hadn't thought about has crushed I would be without having Jacob ever kiss me again when I slugged him in the face. I hadn't known that my best friend would be so hard to live without; I hadn't ever needed to think about it like this before.

I had thought about my life without him, but not life without him, not a world he didn't exist in. That was incomprehensible. There was no world without Jacob Black. My world was as cold and black as a sunless night, and there were no stars in my sky, nothing to keep me from being blinded. My eyes searched for the moon, for a shooting star, for any hint that there was something still worth an effort.

I felt Edward's hand on my face. Ah, there was my shooting star.

I opened my wary eyes to look at him. I knew I was worrying him, and I hated it, but there was nothing I could do. I had been unprepared for such a situation. I should have realized that everyone I loved from my human life was going to die, eventually, but I deluded myself into thinking that a werewolf was strong enough to endure at least until he was in old age. The striking end to his life was too horrific to rationalize, and so I hadn't thought of it as a possibility. But it was, and it had happened, and I wasn't going to be able to move on.

Or was I? The sun _was_ shining today. I could feel a ray on my face. I hadn't noticed the dawn come. When had the birds started singing their morning songs? Why hadn't I heard them? Was I going deaf? Or had I been afraid there was nothing more to listen to?

"Bella," Edward murmured weakly, "how do you feel?"

"Don't ask that, Edward," I croaked.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"It's not your fault," I assured him, touching my hand to his face. Relief washed its way through me, cooling down the raw and pained parts of me, just by reminding myself he was here.

I turned my head away from him, so ashamed of the pain in his expression—pain that I was causing. I let my hand fall to his shoulder, and, again, felt comforted when his hand closed over mine. Edward's other hand was still on my face, but he made no move to bring me back to face him. He knew there was no helping me after last night.

I stood up and went toward the window. I pulled apart the shutters to peek out. Just as the birds started into a new chorus, I heard the thunderous roar of an engine—a car zoomed down the highway. I sighed. I hated the rattle of the metal against the road—the reminder that my personal mechanic was permanently unavailable.

"We should go out today," I suggested tonelessly.

"The sun..." Edward's voice drifted; he didn't want to upset me; but he didn't want to endanger me either.

"I know," I sighed.

I shot Edward a smile over my shoulder. He was frowning. He didn't trust my mood anymore; I could be happy one minute and inconsolable the next.

He came off the bed and effortlessly drifted to my side, silently, like a shadow. But I was the shadowy one; too shallow and empty, but there, just barely there. I was present in body, but almost completely gone in mind.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked; his arms folded over my shoulders.

"I don't know," I admitted. I couldn't explain it, but I felt the need to move around, to dislodge the shroud of darkness that seemed to be piling on top of me. I needed to find someplace where the light outshone the night. I needed a lonely place. I needed to be alone with Edward, to lose myself to him again, and forget that there ever was an outside world. Maybe that would help me.

"Let's go to Alaska," I said, suddenly enthralled by the idea. "Or the North Pole, as long as we don't have elves and a big jolly fellow as our next door neighbour."

Edward chuckled. It was overwhelmed hearing it. I hadn't heard him laugh in so long; I had sucked all the pleasure out of his world.

But, yes, overwhelmed. So much so, that I twisted in his arms and began kissing him. I practically tackled him; we were on the floor before my mind caught up with my actions. My mind approved though, so I didn't stop. I hadn't realized that I was wearing clothes before and then suddenly wasn't until it was five hours later and my instincts told me I was thirsty.

I pulled my face off of Edward's and sat up straight.

"When was the last time we went hunting?" I asked, hoping he would realize I already knew the answer.

"It's been a while," he admitted sheepishly, reluctantly loosening his grip on me.

"I'm thirsty," I groaned.

"We did just work up an appetite." Edward shrugged. "I'm not surprised."

"Me neither," I agreed, forgetting my thirst for a second and leaning down to kiss him again. "But I think I can work it up a little more before we head out."

* * *

"Bella, I swear, twenty years from now, if you're still dragging Edward around—"

"Don't worry, Alice," Bella reassured me, "Edward and I are only going off for a short while."

I rolled my eyes. Did she forget that I could see exactly how this plan was going to work out? "Bella, you need to say goodbye to Jacob," I insisted. "If you run off now, you're never going to forgive yourself. Trust me; I know."

"I'm going to have to disagree," Bella argued quietly, hanging her head. "If I go...I don't think I could take it."

"You could," I said, staring at her, with absolute conviction in my voice. "But I can't see down that path if you don't at least _think_ about it."

Bella shook her head, as if she was human again and I was coming at her with a knife, rather than a better option.

"_Think_ about it," I ordered. "That's all I ask! If you do that, I can tell you which path brings a sooner and better happily ever after."

"There is no happy ending for me anymore, Alice," she mumbled. "I have the good part...just not the whole part."

"You are difficult when moping," I growled.

Bella tensed. I knew I had gone too far, but I also knew this was the way to get what I wanted; I could get her to think about it; I just had to bully her into it. I had already seen that pleading wasn't going to work. And Bella didn't bow down when it came to bribes.

"I'm not _moping_, _Alice_," she seethed. "I'm _grieving_."

"Tom_a_to, to_ma_to," I snapped. "And the best way to get over both of those red fruits is to _say goodbye to Jacob Black_."

"I can't do it." Bella put her foot down; this was going to be a big mess.

I threw my hands up in the air. "Fine!" I hollered. "Go ahead and throw your happiness—Edward's happiness—_my_ happiness! Hell, I'll go grab a dictionary and insert 'Bella' as the definition for depression and fun-sucker."

"Alice, I'm a blood sucker, not a fun-sucker," Bella mumbled.

I rolled my eyes. Things were going well—so far—but I wasn't going to tell her that. Seeing her able to still stand against my low jab was a good sign. She was stable, at least. Maybe I really could convince her? But how? Edward wouldn't help; he would do anything for Bella when she was like this, even if he originally believed that saying adieu to Jacob properly was the road to the best outcome.

"Say good bye on your own terms, or I'm going to drag you there, Bella," I warned her. "I'm not going to allow you to make Edward miserable for the rest of forever."

Bella's lower lip sucked in tight. I could almost see the wheels in her head turn as my words placed just the right amount of guilt to make her decision fall out of place. And there, I heard the slightest of sighs.

"Alice, I love you, but, sometimes," Bella growled, "sometimes I really hate you."

I flashed my most impish grin. "I know."

Bella crossed her arms, turned on her heel and left without a parting. But I didn't need that; the satisfaction of knowing I had one was enough for me.

* * *

"Jared Black, I am going to put you down is you whine anymore," I warned.

"I am wounded," he complained. "Why are you making me do all the heavy lifting?"

"Because I'm your mother," I said; which was a good enough reason; we both knew it.

"I offered to help," Stephanie reminded Jacob, ever so quietly. I grinned; I had managed to either make her fear me or respect me; this was a good thing.

At first I had struggled with the idea of a vampire moving in, but it wasn't so bad. Once I got over the stench—which I was still struggling with, just a little—she wasn't so awful. She complimented me—sucking up, no doubt—but it sounded real and true, so I accepted it. She offered to help. She offered to clean. She offered to help Jacob haul things to town, and work, and all around. And, the most important thing: I could talk to hear about Jacob.

I had been afraid that not talking about him would be worse than talking about him, but Stephanie was saving me from that. When Jared was asleep, and I found I had too many tears in my eyes to sleep, it was perfect having her around. She couldn't sleep; all she had to do was listen. I could confide in her during the night, catch a few hours of sleep, and then snap at her as much as I wanted to during the daylight hours. It was strong relationship—difficult to explain, but strong nonetheless.

From what I could tell, Stephanie hadn't mentioned my break-downs. I was grateful for that; I needed to be strong for Jared. It was hard for me, and the ache inside me seared as much as watching him fade away. When I closed my eyes, his face would appear. I could hold him in my arms, as I felt his pulse slow and his skin turn cold, as he kissed me long and soft and weakly...one last time.

But I couldn't tell Jared how pitiful the state of my consciousness was; _I needed to be strong_, for _him_. For which him? For my son—of course—but for Jacob too. I needed to be strong for Jacob.

"I'm not about to make my girlfriend haul a bunch of precious junk," Jared snorted, confidence incarnate.

All at once, emotionless flitted through us.

First, was my son blushing, and—if it were possible—I could have sworn I saw Steph blush too. Had they not talked about that part of their relationship? Or had the whole 'girlfriend-boyfriend' thing not come up yet?

Second, the three of us seemed to realize that 'precious junk' was all too right a description. Was it wrong to get rid of Jacob's things so early? The funeral was tomorrow, and that timing felt appropriate, but was all this too quick? I wasn't getting rid of everything—just most things.

For example, that odd looking wolf carving that was only big enough for a bracelet charm. It wasn't half as good as Jacob's newer wood carvings. Jacob had said there was a sentimental value to it, but it seemed more like it was a bitter memory than a good one. Why would I want to keep something that reminded me of what his face looked like when it contorted in sadness? No, I was going to throw it away, to keep the memories of his smiling face stronger.

The third emotion—the strangest of them all—was probably what did it though. It wasn't expected, and it wasn't rational, but maybe we had all gone mad somewhere down the road. Whatever the explanation was, Jared had dropped the box to the ground, and we were all laughing.

We laughed, we cried, and we laughed again. The cause of the emotion didn't matter by the third bout of laughter. All that mattered is that someone's voice said his name, and that we all began reciting cheerful memories of him after that. I was able to bash him and praise him, and never felt vulnerable or depressed. It was a beautiful moment; as if we were a real family, and not supposed to be enemies at all. I felt entirely emancipated from the shadow of doubt—doubt of Jacob's idea, doubt of Stephanie, doubting my son's choices, and doubting my life. But, obviously, I wasn't a screw-up. I had had Jacob for a while—however short it felt—and I had my wonderful Jared, who, although didn't look exactly like his father, had sure traces in him—both physical likeness and psychological.

However long after the laughing stopped, we finished clearing things out—the precious junk—and made our way back home—_our_ home.

"I can't believe you just said that," Steph hushed, lowering her voice, as if I couldn't hear. (Yeah, right.) "Jared, if I treated my mother like you treat yours, I think she would have kicked me out."

"I doubt that," Jared muttered under his breath.

"Your right," she agreed. They both looked surprised that she had agreed, but said nothing.

"You know, that's not a bad idea," I said aloud, intentionally trying to fill the silence with a low jab. "Maybe I should kick you out."

"You wouldn't do that," Jared insisted. "Because then you would have to live with knowing that I was somewhere out in the wilderness with a vampire."

"Hm, good point," I noted. "Oh, well. Good luck."

"C'mon, you're not serious," he laughed.

"I could use the space," I bluffed.

"Sure you could," he mocked, "for all your hot air and your ego."

I quickened my pace to get ahead of him. "I am so proud that my son respects me and my need for space," I growled, sharply crossing my arms over my chest. "Jared Black, if you weren't too old to be grounded, I would ground you, young man."

I stepped in front of him, blocking his path. Stephanie stopped just beside him. He rolled his eyes. He knew the display of authority was just for show—and just to give me something to do. He knew me so well.

"I'm going over to Emily's today, to make sure everything is straightened out for tomorrow," I reminded him.

"Are...they...coming?" Steph had trouble talking about them of late. Why? I wasn't sure. But it was fine with me. I would be pleased if she severed all ties with the others of her kind.

"Yeah, they're coming," I answered. "But, not for long, I don't think. I'm surprised I know about it and you don't." I turned my eyes, narrowing them on Jared.

Of course. That explained it. Jared was the line of communication; he was keeping it from her. Again, why? I had no clue. But it didn't matter to me; I was involved with the bloodsuckers. Whether it was to protect her feelings or because he was afraid she would change her mind and leave with the Cullens... Or maybe it did matter. I felt my eyes widen, and I worried for a second that Jared had thought the same thing, that what's-his-name—Edwin or Ernie or Edward—was still Steph's favourite. He had taken Bella, and almost had Steph. Was it too absurd to think he was unselfish?

"Well, I better take off," I said and tried not to release the awkward laughter bubbling up inside my throat.

I spun on my heels and took off down the road, probably earning confused stares from the two younglings.

Ew, was I really old enough to be referring to them as younglings?

I walked down the road in a sulk, realizing how old I was. I was old enough to have a dead husband.

* * *

"Your mother can be weird," I stated suddenly. I mean, really suddenly. I was sprawled beside him on his bed, hands behind my head, while he half-glared half-appraised the ceiling. We had been laying there all of five quiet minutes when I had spoken.

"You just noticed this?"

I nodded my head, and made no other answer. My mind was occupied on too many things to speak again. First was his crazy but sweet mother, and how I was doing not so bad at impressing Leah. Second thing on my mind was the funeral tomorrow. There was a whole bagful of crazy going to go down there. What with Bella, and Edward, and Rosalie...man, she was going to murder me. But that wasn't the main problem. The main problem was figuring out how I would console Jared and his mother. I had been doing well keeping Leah's seams sewn, and she was strong enough to mend herself anymore than that. Jared, however, I had no clue how to fix up—or if he even needed fixing! It was as if his tear ducts had been permanently shut or something. I cried for days when Issie died; how was he not sobbing from the agony of losing his father? If he was the crying-mourning type, I would have no problem. But he was incredibly strong—like a crushable Man of Steel—and I didn't know how to deal with that.

I bit my lip, chewing on it nervously as I puzzled a plan into working. Nothing worked though; nothing seemed to fit. Jared was too unknown to me. Okay, sure I knew him, but I had never seen him grieve. How they hell do you help the one you love grieve?

We didn't move for at least another hour. I don't know how he managed it. I could literally sit forever and not be bothered; I wasn't sure how he managed it.

I was beginning to wonder if he had fallen asleep—except he tended to snore—or if he had decided to stop breathing.

"Hey, Jared—?"

Quicker than I reacted, he was on top of me. I didn't move, didn't flinch, I just waited for him to speak. His eyes bored into mine, scanned my face, tried to measure a reaction. I just waited.

"You said you loved me, right?" he asked; I nodded. "And you're with me over Edward?" I nodded again. "And you're not going to leave, right?"

I sighed and closed my eyes, fighting a smile. "Are we playing twenty questions?" He didn't answer. "Please, Jared, get to the point."

"The point, Stephanie, is that you are my girlfriend, and I've imprinted on you, and even if I hadn't I'd have eventually fallen in love you anyway."

I laughed and opened my eyes. "I think you're a bit biased, what with the whole imprint thing," I retorted.

I gasped, finally noticing the look in his dark eyes. How had I missed that? He was being so completely serious. How had he gone from staring at the ceiling to—to—what what he doing?

"I know this is a leap," he admitted, seeing that he had confounded me to the point of speechlessness. "I need to put this out there, though."

"Okay," I breathed.

How had we gone from yesterday to right now without me noticing a drastic change in him? Had I been so blind sighted by this upcoming funeral that I had forgotten to pay attention? Or was I just stupid? Probably the last one.

"Okay," he sighed.

His breathing drew in shakily.

"Am I making you nervous?" I teased.

"Yes," he murmured. "Because I already know your answer, and this is probably the stupidest thing I'll ever do."

"You mean, besides fall for a vampire?" I piped.

"Yes, besides that."

I pouted at that; usually he denied that loving me was bad. This really was a drastic change.

"Okay, so, get it over with. What the stupid question?" I prompted.

"If the answer is no," he simpered, "just don't answer, okay? That will be easier for me to take."

"Okay." I nodded again, feeling blind sighted—again.

He drew in another shaky breath.

"If I say yes in advanced, will that help?" I offered.

He shook his head and his eyes widened. "No, that wouldn't help," he laughed, nervously. "That would definitely make things worse, since I know the answer is going to be no."

"What kind of question is this?" I wondered aloud. "Is this one of those 'would you die for me' type of questions? Or is it a type of question that will make me want to whack you over the head? Don't set yourself up for disappointment if you're about to ask me if I am willing to move into the garage so we don't have to deal with your mother."

"Stephanie," he pleaded, "let me ask."

"Alright, I'm going to listen," I assured him. I took his face in my hands and smiled at him as encouragingly as I could manage, despite the shock I was feeling from the surprise question. "Okay, go ahead."

He sighed again, and took one of my hands inside his. I waited, still smiling.

"Stephanie," he proposed, "will you marry me?"

* * *

**Review please! (Sorry for the long wait; been very busy! FORGIVE ME!)**


	11. There's Nothing Else I Can Say

"**Patience is not my virtue." – (movie) Warriors of Virtue  
**

* * *

**Chapter 11: There's Nothing Else I Can Say**

* * *

"Jared, _what the hell_!?" I articulated, shoving him off me. I didn't bother to feel guilty when he hit the floor with a thud. "Your _father's funeral _is _tomorrow_, I don't think this is appropriate timing!"

"I didn't realize this needed timing," he mumbled, not moving from where he had fallen.

"_Yes, it does_! What were you _thinking_? That definitely was the stupidest thing you've ever done," I snapped.

"I was thinking the _timing_ might guilt you into saying maybe."

"I can't say yes, Jared!"

"I know." He sounded deflated.

"Because you are out of your mind right now," I continued. "Any other day I could say yes, but why right now? But, hey, now I know that craziness and rash questions is your way of grieving. That's one problem solved."

His head popped up and he stared at me in utter disbelief. "Any other day you would say yes?" he asked.

"Yeah, but that isn't the point, Jared," I laughed coolly. "I'm trying to tell you that you've gone insane; I think that's key."

He started grinning. "Do you mean that?"

I gawked at him. "Do I _mean_ you're _insane_?"

"No, that you would say yes," he clarified.

"Absolutely," I answered, "but not the point."

He jumped off the floor and pulled my face closer. "I'm swear I'm not that kind of crazy, I may be a million other types of crazy, but this is a serious question, Stephanie," he rambled. "I want a real answer. Say no, if you want to, but don't avoid it because of what's happening tomorrow. This is happening right now. Pay close attention, because your answer means everything to me."

"Where did this come from?" I exclaimed. "One minute you're staring at the ceiling, the next you're proposing!"

Well, to be more exact, he was on top of me and my mind had wandered to a whole different area of thinking—proposal not being on that list.

"Please, just answer the question," he pleaded.

"I want to prove that you're not crazy first," I objected.

"You want to avoid answering," he argued.

I glared at him, really annoyed at how persistent he was.

"Are you going to answer now?" he prodded.

I rolled my eyes. "Tell me what brought this on," I bargained. "And immediately following I will answer."

He grinned. "Deal."

I rolled my eyes again, to emphasize the point that he was the one stalling now.

He paused and drew in a steady breath. "Dad took forever to make his move on Bella, and even longer with Mom, so I have two good examples of how waiting works out," he explained. "I'm not going to give you the chance to change your mind and choose Edward, and I'm not going to die on you if I can help it. So whether I spend my life stalking you while you move around the world with your vampire family or if you spend your life with me is up to you."

"Oh..." My mind drew a blank. "Stalking, lovely," I muttered breathlessly.

"That's not an answer," he noted. "Aren't you going to answer me?"

"Yes."

"Okay, so what's the answer?"

I closed my eyes. "Jared that _was_ the answer."

I watched as his smile broadened. I watched as even though he was going to bury his father tomorrow, he was smiling so much that it was heartbreaking.

I had never been that type of girl. I had never got excited about marriage, or even thought the idea was that great. There were times in my life—thanks to Edward—that I had pictured it, fleetingly, and other times more intensely. But, after him, I was sure that I would never get excited about the idea of marriage again. Part of that was thanks to Renee raising me, and the big part of that was because having memories of Bella's life had proved to me that weddings weren't something to get excited about.

Not because she had died just before hers, but because she hadn't thought highly of marriage. This came from Renee. So, really, my lack of enthusiasm for marriage was all due to my mother. I had gone a full circle.

"I have to go, okay," I muttered lifelessly. I was by the door by the time Jared noticed I wasn't on the bed. "I'll be back soon. Just...need a minute."

His grin was so far gone that he was frowning, and I knew that I was sending mixed-signals, but I was suddenly too drained to care. He knew I loved him; he could wait a minute for me to collect my thoughts.

I was out of the rez quickly, and really happy about it. Sometimes, being around people for so long was unbearable. Being around Jared was difficult especially, since I wanted so badly to have him in two conflicting ways. Venom gathered in my mouth at the thought of tasting him still. But, I wasn't going to be that stupid. Look how things worked out for Edward and Bella; I could work that out too. I had been through all that they had been through from experiencing her memories, plus the terror of my own life; I was probably stronger than them.

I walked through town (it was very cloudy outside, and raining, so I didn't stand out anymore than usual) and decided to pretend I was people-watching. I stood at the gate of the cemetery and found an odd number of people there. It was inspiring to see so many people there, willing to go against the stormy weather to see their departed loved ones. Me, I just happened to wander there. But, still, I was happy that my feet took me straight to Izzie.

I knelt in front of her grave, with the knees of my jeans in the mud. If I had known I was coming, I would have brought something to place, but I hadn't. I felt a little guilty, but I was too drained to move.

"It's raining, Izzie," I finally said, breaking the eerie silence that the rain brought. "Our favourite."

Naturally, she didn't answer.

"Remember how it started, that you hated werewolves, I thought they were okay?" I asked. "And then, somehow, you ended up being the werewolf enthusiast and I couldn't stand them?" I laughed; again, she didn't answer.

I dropped down on my butt and crossed my legs. I was really muddy now.

"Well, you see, I kind of reversed again," I sighed. "Because I am a vampire, I'm sick of the whole thing."

"Don't get me wrong, it's as cool as we thought it would be," I assured her. "But if I had a choice I would change back."

"But, as I was saying, I've reversed again. I still think werewolves aren't the most intelligent creatures—or the sanest—but you were right; it's easy to get used to them."

Even though the rain and the wind were the only ones listening, I found that it was easier to open up to them. It was easier to talk to no one; to share my thoughts with a deceased sister than the living people around me.

"I'm not sure how you gained that piece of wisdom, but you were right. And I'm more or less totally in love with one of them. I know you already know this, but you may not know that he proposed; that I said yes."

The wind seemed to standstill; was it listening or was I being superstitious? Whatever the case was, since I was a vampire, my boyfriend—fiancé?—was a werewolf, and my sister had come back from the grave once before, I had a feeling that anything was possible.

"I meant to say yes," I admitted, "but not right now. Maybe twenty years from now, as long as Jared is willing to wait that long. He's not very patient, you see. Or maybe because I can live literally forever, I have more patience. Either way, he's too impatient to let me settle in. I don't like change, Izzie, and you know that. I can adapt, but I need time. If I have to keep changing my life every few years, I'm going to implode."

I sighed. I had experienced a lot of change in what felt like a short time. The first big change was moving to Forks, then Izzie's death, and then meeting Edward. That's three big changes right there. But then I found that I was reliving Bella's life in my dreams. Then I met Jacob, and Jared. Then I found out Jared had imprinted on me—and that he was a werewolf. Then Bella resurrected. Then I became a vampire. Then I had to promise to come back to Jared because—out of the blue—my heart decided that it was in love with Jared, too. I left, had to readjust my life so that I could be among humans. Then, after pursuing music, movies, and a normal life, I had to leave my parents behind. I came back to Jared, I became part of the Cullen family, and I figured out that Jared's blood was the most appealing in the world to me. And, finally, there were the recent events, the most troubling events.

My entire life was change. That's all there was to it. One flip to a flop to a flip again. Rinse and repeat until life is thoroughly mangled. That was probably the instruction manual God made for me when he decided I would have a life.

So what was I going to do? Would I abandon my family again? First Izzie when she needed me, then my parents, and now the Cullens? Had I completely lost my mind? Probably. But whining about how awful my life was to a gravestone had relieved most of the pressure. I'd heard it said that whining doesn't get you anywhere, but I was certainly in a different place. Where? I wasn't sure, but the load on my shoulders was lighter. There were just a few facts I had to face.

One, I would always love Edward Cullen. It was that simple, and I couldn't argue. Whether he had Bella or not was not part of the equation. It didn't even depend if I was with him or not.

Two, I would always love Jared more.

Three, I would always consider the Cullens to be my family—especially Rosalie, who was like the other sister I never had—the older sister I never was to Izzie. I would miss her—I would miss them all, so much—but I had forever to make amends to them. Surely being the wonderful people that they were, they would accept me again? Say a century from now? Maybe two?

Four, I was going to have to marry a werewolf—at some point. (Internal eye roll right there.)

I sighed again. I had made my decision. I was going to stick to it. Tomorrow, I would talk to Rosalie; break the news to her, since I trusted her the most. Then, when they left (without me), I would stall Jared's wedding plans, or whatever he had in store. Whatever happened after that would just happen. And I was willing to live with that.

"Thanks, Izzie," I said, standing, not bothering to wipe the mud off. "You've been a real help."


End file.
